Jesus' Perfect Day

"You can't have a perfect day 

unless you do something for someone 

who can never repay you. "

- John Wooden

     Easter Monday, at approximately 5:45am, I, along with another faculty member from my school and ten students, loaded up a spaceship-like van and headed to Chicago for the first (of many) Alternate Spring Break Trip. We adventured for quite a number of hours and finally made it after determining that Indiana has the worst rest stops. Indiana Rest Stops with nuns at them, however, are not as bad. What seemed like a week of adventure already was just getting started.

     My students and I did a plethora of things around Chicago. We visited with Feed My Starving Children, a manual manna pack factory; visited with the elderly at Nazarethville and gave them a spa day; helped a local school start boxing up for the end of the school year and so much more. We dedicated our days wholly the service at hand and the girls did anything that was asked of them. Seeing one of our most commonly used phrases, "Serve the dear neighbor," in action was absolutely amazing. I saw so many smiles and heard moments of happiness as I sat back and watched the most amazing events take place. 

      In addition to doing service, my students were so blessed to visit with various communities of Sisters in the Chicago area, including the Carmelites. We prayed with the Sisters and played (Rock Band, Apples to Apples, etc.) with them. We listened to their vocation stories over dinner, breakfast and sometimes even lunch. We spent so much time with nuns. For me, this is normal, but none of my students had even stayed in a convent before, so this "nun-dom" was a whole new revenue for them. It was amazing to see what was happening inside so many hearts. 

     For me, going back to Chicago, a place where so many of my beloved Sisters live, was a whole new experience. I had only gone to Chicago on my own for discernment. The amount of night before we left when I would wake from panic were too numerous to count. I was nervous to be running my first but also so nervous to be bringing my students in my Sisters' house. It wasn't so much the fact that the SISTERS knew so much about me but rather that my students have never seen me in full nun-mode. Of course, despite the panic, I was so excited to be back with my Sisters. 

     My nights were longer than my students. I would request they get to bed and then I would spend the next hour or so catching up with one of the Sisters. They so gloriously accommodated my busy schedule. Whenever we could fit in a moment or two, they were ready. And every night I went to bed feeling so incredibly blessed. It wasn't only the Sisters that gave me that sense but also being with my students. 

      Every night we spent some time reflecting on our rose, buds and thorns of the day. The good, the bad and the hope for tomorrow. I was astounded at the wisdom of these girls and what was happening in their hearts. Every morning we would hold hands and pray together in a circle around the statue of Mother Foundress in the lobby. We would pray for our intentions of the day then pray our school prayer together before asking "Our Lady of the Highway/Walkway" to be with us. Every morning a few sisters would join in the circle. At night, a few Sisters would join our reflections and recreation. We became such a part of their lives and they became a huge part of ours. Each morning I felt more and more blessed as our list of intentions got longer and longer. The girls found so many little things to pray for and met so many people 

       Of course, being with the Sisters pulled my heart in so many directions to God. I cried way too many times about so many things. Many were happy tears, some were confused tears, and even some were tears of the pain that comes with leaving. I knew at every moment that being a Campus Minister as my full time job is exactly what I need to be and what I love so much. Being there with my awesome group of students and my good faculty friend made me excited to come back to school. I feel like I fell even more with my job. I felt that no matter what might try to get me down, I would be on top because this is truly the Lord's work. I felt high on the life God gave me. 

      This trip changed my life in so many ways. My faith in God's plan for me was renewed by my students' witnesses. My heart was so happy being simply in the presence of my dear friends, the Sisters. My heart was solely satisfied by the fact that we were doing the work of God. What we had experienced was a small slice of Heaven and the students knew it. I knew it. I overwhelmingly knew it. 

      At 6:30 in the morning, right before we piled in the van for our journey home, we joined hands with the Sisters and prayer in our circle. As we spoke the words, I choked up. I felt so much sadness leaving a place that I will always consider home. I was sad to be leaving the Sisters who will always playfully tease me about my hair being a mop or my "quiet" personality. I was sad to be leaving the hugs and love my Sisters had for my students. People always joke at the end of a good thing like this: well, back to reality. Well, how blessed am I that this is my reality?! So blessed. 

O Happy Fault

"Oh happy fault, oh necessary sin of Adam

that gained for us so great a redeemer."

- Exultet (Easter Vigil)

     My journey of Lent has been, to be completely honest, empty, dry and dark. Some may say, "That's how it's meant to be," while others may say, "It's a time of prayer and renewal." Every year Lent is my most favorite time and yet, it's been so busy that I had not been able to focus on my prayer life or spirituality. I spent Ash Wednesday sick in bed and got the flu two more times during Lent. I had so much to do at work that it simply was so difficult to make time for additional prayer. However, as empty, dry and dark it was, there was something that changed me a bit. 

      I had been expecting people to question my age and my maturity with my Lenten sacrifice this year, but it went in a different direction. This Lent I gave up shoes again (only this time I wore my black TOMS every day) and make-up. In the beginning, it was so difficult to not reach for the mascara hanging from the wall next to my mirror. It was difficult to walk into school every day with my face empty. I felt naked and vulnerable. I had worn make-up every day since high school in various capacities. Every day I wear mascara and cover-up. Most days I wear eye-liner and eye-shadow. Less frequently I wear blush. On special occasions (like mornings when I get up on time), I wear lipstick. I could not remember the last time I went make-up less. 

      A few days before Lent was to start, I prayed about what to give up for Lent. I had done the shoe thing last year and it would be easier this year. I needed a greater sacrifice. I kept hearing songs on the radio about beauty. On one particular morning, after Mass, I was moved to tears because I knew what Jesus was calling me to do: embrace my beauty. I needed to stop worrying about my outer appearance and focus on the natural beauty I had been given. I needed to focus on the beauty of my soul. 

     As I said, it was difficult. On the first day after Ash Wednesday when I went back to school, I felt so insanely vulnerable. I did wake up and feel grateful for the fifteen minutes it took me to get ready, though. I remember walking through the hallway thinking that I probably looked like the walking dead, especially cus the last bits of the flu was holding onto me. The following week, I was speaking to my class about the struggles of Lent. One girl gave up Tater Tots for Lent and felt the sting when she could smell them in the caf. Another girl gave up desserts and couldn't really function when on retreat that's all we ate at night time. That's when I told them what I gave up. 

      Each woman, especially in their teenage years, deals with outer appearance issues. Whether it's trying to find a fitting style or what shades of lipstick to wear or even weight, women always deal with these things. I began to talk to my students about how my journey of Lent was this discovery of inner beauty. I remember one student in particular saying, "Miss G, you work in an all-girl school. Most of us don't wear make-up, heck, most of us don't even shower." (DISCLAIMER: all girl school perks). When I went home that afternoon, I thought to myself about how hypocritical I had been. I tell these girls every day to embrace the beauty they have and yet, I was struggling with embracing that philosophy. My students helped me embrace my own beauty and work on the beauty of my soul this Lent and for that, I owe them so much. 

      Lent, contrary to former belief, ends on sundown the day before Holy Thursday. So, while I kept the shoes (they ARE comfortable, after all), I put on some make-up. I looked at myself in the mirror, half done up and thought, do I need this? The answer was no. Jesus won't love me any more because I look "prettier." I may look older, more mature, things like that, but it doesn't change who I am. If I'm wearing lipstick or not, I am still Becca Lynn, soulful beauty. I smiled in the mirror, added a hint of lipstick just because, not because I needed it to feel my best. In fact, my skin looked much better after doing a forty day detox. I felt good about myself and it was amazing how much a difference forty days can make. 

     Of course, if you knew my inner, deepest secrets, you know that there are two moments when I, regardless of outer appearance, feel most beautiful and that is when the wind is blowing and when I sing. Singing, for me, is an all out showing of my soul. I feel so free, so happy, so beautiful. It has been a while since I've been blessed to sing at church. In fact, the last time I did so was at Baccalaureate Mass in May. I had been praying about getting back into singing but I wasn't sure how or when or where. That's when Sister Pat, a Sister of the Blessed Sacrament, called and asked if I could sing the Exultet at their Easter Vigil celebration. My heart immediately said yes. 

     So Easter Vigil, I found myself at the chapel I had been in so many times before among Sisters who have been praying for my vocation since before I was born (LITERALLY!!). I had been there for Christmas and the feast day celebration for Katie D, but there was something about this most holy of nights. All throughout dinner, my stomach was doing flips and spins; I was so nervous. I practiced the whole car ride and finally said, if I don't have it by now, I'll never have it. After the lighting of the Paschal Candle, Sister Anne gave me the wink of "go time" and I walked up to the ambo to proclaim the Exultet. Suddenly my fears and hesitations were gone - God. I stood where I am sure Katharine herself may have stood so many times before. 

     From the deepest parts of my soul came the most beautiful words I have ever read: O happy fault, oh necessary sin of Adam that gained for us so great a redeemer. It is because of our human flaws that Jesus came. Without our human flaws, without Adam's sin, Jesus would have had no need to come save us. And there I was singing about it; proclaiming it with my whole being. I felt my heart yearning for the greatness of God and realizing that with each and every breath I was taking, He was filling me with knowledge of my own beauty; my beauty of my imperfections. My journey of Lent, though literally complete on Holy Thursday, was finished - it had come into fruition. 

     Everything the entire Mass, from the dramatic reading of "Creation" by James Weldon Johnson, to the music, to the feeling that Katie D was right there next to me the entire Mass, to the ringing of bells during the Gloria in utmost praise of His breaking of the veil, was beautiful. I felt complete. I felt God's beauty wash over me. I felt so imperfectly beautiful - Jesus loves me beyond my greatest imperfection. 

     My Easter, complete with singing, discovering my inner and natural outer beauty, and our annual photo shoot by the river, has reminded me of the greatest beauty - Jesus died for me. He died for you. And just to make our life complete - rose from the dead to be with us once more. He is my Lord, my Love, my Salvation, my Rock. He is with me always, reminding me of my beauty. He has blessed me for so much and for the necessary sin of Adam, I am eternally grateful. May today our Hallelujahs be MULTIPLIED. Amen? Amen!