My Weekend With the Methodists - the Woman I Want to Be

"The most beautiful women we have known

are those who have known defeat, known struggle, known loss and have 

found their ways out of the depths. 

These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding

of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness and a deep, loving concern. 

Beautiful women do not just happen."

- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Photo Courtesy of Joy Morrison

      Many of you who follow my blog know that a huge part of my job is leading and organizing various different retreats. I've had many years of practice and I absolutely love doing this for a living. I mean really, I hit the jackpot with the best job, I think. Each retreat is beautiful in it's own way, despite being the same retreat formula and I receive so many different graces each and every time. While this particular weekend was a bit different, I still received so many graces. So this blog post is a HUGE shout out to my friends, the Methodists. 

     Over the Summer, I help teach at an annual Vacation Bible School at Wilkinson Memorial Methodist Church. The church building is closer than the Catholic church - so close, I can walk. I've been helping out at VBS for years and have made some beautiful friendships with the community there. I look forward to the amount of time I get to see these lovely people every year. This year at VBS, I had two special invitations extended to me - one, would I teach the 1st and 2nd grade class; two - would I be the main speaker at this year's upcoming Women's Retreat. Naturally, I said yes to both. 

    Of course, in August, it seemed like I had months, years, even to prepare for this retreat. The only pressing thing was to come up with a theme for retreat. So, overnight I was inspired - Beauty Amid the World's Brokenness. A week before retreat, I realized I barely had anything planned and so, you can imagine what the week at school was like for me - skitting around trying to pull things together. Finally, by Friday, I felt I was ready. I was nervous as all get out, but I felt ready. I knew once we got started, God was going to give me all the words I could possibly need, all the strength, all the courage; my God would take care of me and of the women present. 

    When we gathered for dinner the first night at the local diner, many people who I did not know kept asking around - who is doing the retreat? All fingers pointed to the "little girl on the corner" (of the table). I smiled. I'm so used to be the youngest in the group, even if only by a few months. Of course, the more I looked around, the more nervous I became. I suddenly felt inhibited by so many factors. But I knew I had to trust the Lord; I was here for a reason. 

    Very late Friday night, we gathered in our gathering room for a quick orientation. I was introduced then by the beautiful woman who initially asked me to speak at retreat. She told the story of how we met and right away told everyone that I was one of two Catholics in the room. I laughed - it's been a running joke since I started volunteering with the group for VBS. So long as we both love the same Jesus Christ, we can pray and sharing our Christianity together. They make me a stronger Catholic in all the good ways. I told the group about myself, what I do for a living, how old I was and through in a few extra jokes about myself. Before I knew it, we were headed back to our cabin for a game of Apples to Apples which had us laughing late into the night. 

      Saturday was the big day for me - three reflection sessions on various aspects of beauty and brokenness. While it was not my intention, many tears were shed at various points of the day and during the activities. Some were meant to be profound, some meant to be fun, others just for the heck of it. We were blessed to be able to share so much in many different ways. All in all, I felt the sessions and activities went really well, especially after I reminded all that as adults, we need to remember to play. It was beautiful. I loved every second. 

      Throughout the weekend, I was blessed to meet so many beautiful women, share so many laughs, be myself, and bask in the glory of the Lord whether it was by gazing at the stars, sitting on the special rock or embracing hugs at any given point. But the most important part of the weekend was not really what I did for the group of beautiful women, but rather what the did for me. They gave me a means to be the woman I want to be always.  

     So often, I find myself caught up in the stress of the days, weeks, months. I find myself being hard on me for not looking a certain way, not acting a certain way, not being able to accomplish my goals in due time. I find myself getting frustrated at circumstance, at myself, at situational events. I know deep inside my heart, is a gentle, joyful, courageous, peaceful, loving young woman. I know that woman exists within me. I find myself inhibited by society's expectation of a good woman - strong, equal to man, and more. Society frowns upon the gentle, subdued, quiet, loving women. I have yet to figure out why and often, I look down up that woman who exists within, too. I'm not a fighter deep down. I am not angry, bitter, narcissistic. I am gentle. 

      The woman I want to be always exists within me, I just do not always tap into that persona. I find myself struggling to be the tough woman when I don't have to be anything other than who I am inside. My last session of retreat focused on being the woman of Proverbs 31 and embodying the image of love from 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8. True beauty is the gentleness and emotion of being woman. As I lead that session, I felt myself being God's instrument. I was listening to myself...listening to the words coming from my mouth and feeling them hit my heart hard. I found myself remembering what it was like to laugh without fear of the future, what it is like to be patient and kind, to love sincerely. I found that woman within waking up from a very dormant sleep. 

      On Sunday, many of the women complimented retreat. I could only give glory to my God. But there were other things those women told me - you are so gentle, you are so full of love, you are beautiful, your heart speaks, joyful, inspirational. The most wonderful of all? Your beauty made me feel beautiful. It was not an ego boost, but rather a humbling experience reminding that the woman I want to be exists within me - I must simply let her roar. The beauty of the women I was with in turn made me feel beautiful and truly an instrument of God's love. I am gentle, compassionate, loving, patient, kind and a friend of God. I am the woman I want to be, I always have been and always will be. I cannot thank the women with whom I spent the weekend more. I love you all and I truly hope to see you soon. Keep on carrying the love of retreat with you wherever you go. 

Feeling Popeful and Courageous

"First, those words – “What about you?” – were addressed to a young person, a young woman with high ideals, and they changed her life. They made her think of the immense work that had to be done, and to realize that she was being called to do her part. How many young people in our parishes and schools have the same high ideals, generosity of spirit, and love for Christ and the Church! I ask you: Do we challenge them? Do we make space for them and help them to do their part? To find ways of sharing their enthusiasm and gifts with our communities, above all in works of mercy and concern for others? Do we share our own joy and enthusiasm in serving the Lord?"

- Pope Francis' Address at the Cathedral Basilica of Sts. Peter and Paul, Philadelphia 2015

      This time last week, I was still beaming from my popeful week. I had spent the week doing various activities downtown during the World Meeting of Families, taking the train on various excursions (and running to catch the trains because I can't do SEPTA like a normal Philadelphian), and staking out my plot of fence on the parkway so I could see the Pope not once but twice. The streets were empty of cars, but everywhere there were people. Kind, wonderful, gentle people. Philadelphia had transformed into the City of Brotherly Love and Sisterly Affection. It was fascinating. 

      In school the entire week we were focusing on the words of Pope Francis, accepting Papal Challenges and re-tweeting various Campus Ministry tweets. We only had three class days and so the students' energy was at an all time high. While I wasn't doing Campus Minister things, I was spending time on my own exploring what was offered at night time for the World Meeting of Families. Wednesday Night I found myself at an event called "Club Francis" where the bouncers were the Swiss Guards. Ok, they weren't real Swiss Guards and they actually weren't even bouncers, but hey, they tried. This was a young adult three day event which focused on various different themes and speakers. The night I was there focused on Courage and featured four religious (priests, sisters, and a seminarian). I was awe-inspired, despite the lateness of the event, and very much felt the theme of Courage pouring into my heart. 

      The second night of my Popeful week was spent downtown again but this time at the Cathedral Basilica. We decided to take the train from my hometown to give it a dry run before we utilized it as our main transportation during the Papal Visit. The conductor reminded us that SEPTA was stopping transportation from that station at 10:00 pm for security reasons. The last train out to my hometown would be at 9:57pm. Plenty of time, we thought. We found ourselves helping some precious lost Sisters find the cathedral. We had originally planned to attend a lecture on St. Therese and her parents and also visit with her relics. However, we stopped first at the knotted grotto which was crowded beyond belief. It was so beautiful and amazing to see so many people, families, young and old, praying at the knotted grotto. We walked through peacefully and found ourselves in the Adoration Chapel. Right before 7:30, a Sister walked by and asked if we would like to  stay for a holy hour. Without thinking, I right away said yes for the both of us.
      The Holy Hour began with Sisters of various different communities leading our community in song. So many of the songs were laced with the theme of courage. My eyes filled with tears at the glory of the Lord. Also during Holy Hour we sang the Divine Mercy Chaplet and listened to many reflections on religious life and the family. I knew that we would be missing the talk on St. Therese and her family, but I felt so incredibly called by God to stay for an hour of Adoration. We stayed the whole time and by the time the prayers were over, it was 8:45. It was so beautiful to see so many families and religious praying together. It was a taste of Heaven on earth.
      After going to the Cathedral the catch up with my friend St. Therese (AKA Sister Kim), we walked down the parkway to see how far we could go before security kicked us out. We wound up getting very close to the main altar before having to turn around. As I looked at my watch, I soon realized we only had a few minutes to get to our train. That would have been fine if we both hadn't been super hungry. So it was a scene out of a movie with us running in and out of the wawa and then to the train. Trying every door to the station which had been locked thanks to security and then finally finding an open one that dropped us right off at the platform as the train was pulling into the station. I sat and took a deep breath once we were on the train and then started laughing. It was humorous actually and I loved every moment.
      The next morning, I headed down into the city with my little sister and my dad. We walked around the city, went to Mass at St. John the Evangelist and even saw the body of St. Maria Goretti which was extremely pivotal for my younger sister. We attended Mass and visited the body with Sister Kim. Lizzie, my younger sister, is preparing for Confirmation this year and we've been talking about different saints for her to chose as her patron. For a long time she was considering St. Therese, but after seeing St. Maria Goretti and doing some research, she's now thinking about her, too. We finished our day with getting lunch at Reading Terminal. We decided that it was better if we headed home early so we could get a good night's rest before heading to the Parkway for the Festival of Families the next day.
      That night a number of my friends and I camped out in the backyard and had a pizza and slumber party. The next morning, we were up early, dressed and at the train station by 8:00. We packed a blanket, drinks, lunch and snacks. We were ready to go. We hopped aboard the train and when we got through security, we found a nice grassy plot of ground in front of a fence. If we wanted any shot of seeing the Pope, this was a good spot. We spent the day listening to the concert, meeting all our closest friends on the parkway and eating snacks and lunch. It was a beautiful day. Around 6:00pm, the crowds starting forming closer and closer to the fence. We were so scrunched up against each other, you would have though the Pope was coming...oh wait. During the whole hour of waiting, there was music, prayer, and chanting for the Pope. Finally, the lights and security was coming. Finally, the Pope was on his way. And at a wonderful 35 mph, the Pope went speeding by. Luckily for us, we caught a picture.
       After the prayer service, we headed home and most of my friends went back to their houses for the night. The next morning, we boarded the trains again and this time, waited almost three hours in the security line. But it was worth it. When we finally made our way into the parkway, we found a group of my Nazareth Sisters who invited us to stay with them. We waited hours before Mass to begin. And right before Mass, the Pope went around the parkway again. This time much slower which allowed for a few good pictures but also for me to wave and smile at the Pope. I think he looked right at us. It was amazing.
        The most amazing part of the weekend, for me, however, was the celebration of the Mass on the parkway. Over 800,000 people were gathered there and the reverence was beyond description. You could easily hear a pin drop the entire Mass. There were people gathered on every square foot of the parkway, craning their necks to see the jumbotron or just listening. People sang, people participated in the Mass, the entire parkway knelt at the consecration of the Eucharist. It was beautiful. However, during Mass, the most beautiful moment was watching the priests and deacons process down the parkway with their papal umbrellas. You see, just moments before the Pope was riding down the same street and the crowds were cheering louder than ever. Now, Jesus, the most important person of our faith was in His body on the same path. I looked and felt, "this is my Jesus; He has come to the streets." We received the Eucharist and so many people were able to receive the Blessed Sacrament. The reverence was beautiful.
       Towards the end of Communion, it seemed that the music just ended abruptly or that our sound from our jumbotron was cut off. People kept singing anyway. I had tears streaming down my face at a rapid pace. I could not describe the overwhelming feeling of power and grace that swept over me. It was amazing. I looked around at all the people there, people of every faith and race and nationality. God had brought us all together.
      At the end of the day, it took us only about an hour and a half to get home. Behind us on the train was a baby that had been kissed and blessed by the Pope. I watched his departure via my phone and was asleep in my bed by 8:30. I was exhausted and yet, it was a most amazing experience. Many times I was pinching myself as if to say, is this real? Truly the most Holy Father was among our people in Philadelphia. Truly Philadelphia was a nicer place to be for the past week. Truly so many people were positively affected by his visit. And I was so blessed to be among the crowds. Where two or three are gathered, there He shall be.