A Weekend of Infinite Forevers

"I guess sometimes the greatest memories are made 

in the most unlikely of places, 

further proof that spontaneity is more rewarding

than a meticulously planned life."

- J.A. Redmerski, "The Edge of Always"

     For many people, Memorial Day weekend is the unofficial start to Summer. It means weekends down the shore or up the mountains. It means the first sunburn or sun tan. It means boating, swimming and camping. And of course, it means BBQs. It's the beginning of joyous season of summer, a final awakening from the dead of Winter. And it's the false hope for teachers that Summer has begun where in reality there are a number of weeks left (haha!). Memorial Day Weekend is the time to be with family and friends, enjoying the simple times allowed to us as a result of the many lives lost during our wars. As I read on the church sign at Our Lady of Fatima, "before you party this weekend, remember while you can."

     My weekend was no exception to this stereotypical holiday weekend. On Friday, I ventured down to the great unknown - Delaware - to visit my best bud from college, Theresa. We enjoyed a walk to the Asian Fusion place for lunch, cuddling and entertaining her brothers' puppies, chatting, ordering pizza for dinner with her parents and just being with one another. We spent hours just talking to one another without the distraction of cell phone calls or texts (save for the important ones from parents). We were with one another in wholeness. It was spontaneous togetherness. 

     I also enjoyed hosting a bbq for my high school girl friends on Saturday night as we commemorated the spontaneity of our dear friend as she gets ready to hit the road for California. Not just a beautiful road trip adventure but a journey of continuing life - she's moving. I enjoyed grilling burgers, dogs and chicken of every seasoning as well as planning salads and fruit and drinks. I love being that Suzie homemaker party hostess. I got so much enjoyment from running to the stores so I could prep everything to getting creative in the kitchen with the ingredients we had laying around the house. I love being in the kitchen and creating enjoyment from food. I even said to my best friend from high school, so many people these days wish they could have someone come over and cook for them. I'm the friend who wants everyone to come over and eat. Maybe that's me being Italian and wanting to feed everyone on the street and their friends, too. I love food - so much happiness in my life has been surround by food of every kind. I can't help it. 

      As we sat around the fire eating and sharing stories, it was once again the spontaneity of togetherness. I looked later for some pictures of the night - I had three. We were living in the moment and being together. It's so difficult sometimes to really be together but there we were laughing and enjoying every moment. People came and went but despite the group of people always changing, we maintained the atmosphere of togetherness - true togetherness. As the last few of us remained, we began talking about plans for the Summer - plans to be spontaneous. Plans to spontaneously go down the beach to be exact. We laughed and said we were all too busy for something spontaneous. The irony of that comment was that almost every time we planned to do something together we never could; every time we spontaneously asked around, we were able to do something. As we continued talking, someone said, "Let's go to the beach - now." Before any of us could chicken out, we were in the car and headed to the beach. 

      There were four of us in the car and I was driving as we blasted the radio with the windows down. My friends were dressed in every one of the sweatshirts that had just been washed and now smelled like campfire. We were far from prepared for the cold wind of the beach at night but hey it was so worth it. We pulled in the first beachy area we knew and walked along the shore. We picked shells (and golf balls) and collected sand as a memory. We took a few pictures of nothing but darkness. We linked arms and walked down along the water, struggling with the shifting sands underneath our feet. We admired the stars for they were truly glorious. All this at about 12:30 at night. We got home around 2:30 and appeared to be one of the very few cars on the road. When my head hit the pillow that night, my best friend was on my floor, our feet were dirty and yet we slept better than before. Spontaneity yields much peace. 

     Mary Kate and I woke up to get to Mass and did a list of things we hadn't planned - omelettes at the diner and visits with one of our favorite high school nuns at Mount Nazareth. We drove around, laughed, shared even more stories and enjoyed the time together. Eventually when we got home after all our "spontaneous errands," I took a nap. When I woke up I played some music, did some artwork, went for a run with my dog, all things I hadn't planned on doing. It was just me and my parents so naturally there wasn't a laundry list of things to do. Hey, I even watched an episode of Grey's Anatomy - because, well, why not? 

     My Memorial Day consisted of going to Mass, watching the yearly small town USA parade with my dog and kid neighbors, lounging around in a pool, and going to another BBQ hosted by my friend's fam squad. We ended the night with my little sisters roasting marshmallows in the backyard. 

     When I got ready for bed last night, I remember watching all these memories stream through my mind. One of my friends said that when he looked to the sky, he just realized how much he wished that the day could go on forever because it was such a good one. In the words of my students, retweet. In real people speak, same, so same. These past few days have perfect and as I sit back to think about why they seemed so perfect - togetherness and spontaneity. Nothing about my weekend was really planned and I had allowed myself to be together with people I care about. It's so rare that we get the blessing to be spontaneous or to relax. We have to make time to make time. We have to pencil in every activity but we also need to pencil in relaxation time. My friends joke that they need to book a year ahead of time to get on my calendar and I pathetically have to agree. I don't like how busy my calendar is and yet, there seems to be no way around it. This weekend, I had nothing planned and as I was driving to Delaware I felt peaceful in knowing that this was going to be a weekend of random togetherness with so many people.
      My goal this Summer is to avoid filling in the blank days on my calendar. Each time I find myself looking to pencil something in, I'm going to stop and take a breath...then remember that I have a river in my backyard waiting for random dates with me and the kayak, a couple of little sisters that are waiting for ice cream and a grill waiting for me to get creative in the kitchen. Amen to spontaneity.

P.S. I Love You - Remembering Sister Sandi

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal;

love leaves a memory no one can steal."

- Irish Proverb

      "Happy Birthday...dear, dear Becca. It was so good seeing you again. You did a great job with the girls...and they love you. Seems like you found your ministry. Just like Jesus the Teacher! Have a beautiful birthday, my friend, filled with the choicest of God's graces - whatever your heart needs! Put this towards a little treat and think of me. Love and prayers, always, your Sister, Sandi."

      I came home from a wickedly emotion week at work today and saw on the dining room table a few brightly colored envelopes with my name on it. There's nothing I love more than getting letters in the mail. This is day three of being blessed with such a thing and of course, I smiled when I saw my name on the envelopes. I carried my bundle of stuff up the stairs and sat on my bed to open the envelopes. I needed a smile - this week was a tough one. 

      The first envelope came from my great aunt Bunny (no, that's not her real name, but she'd kill me if I told you what her real name was). A simple pink envelope with a little birthday message scribbled inside. In a few days she will call me to see if I got the card and we will have a little conversation about missing each other and hoping to see each other soon. I'll thank her for remembering me and we'll hang up with an "I love you." A few days later, I'll write her a thank you note just to remind her that I got the card :) 

      The second envelope had a strange message written between the lines. The return address label read typed: Sister Sandi and then scribbled in pen next to it: & Sister Lucille. I didn't want to open the envelope. I was so scared to see what was inside. I sat the envelope back down and sat for a few moments before I got the courage the open the envelope. Inside the pastel yellow (my favorite color) envelope, was a little diddy card and in the card was the following message, five dollars and a cut out page from the Angelus book about the St. Rebecca, a nun from the 19th century. I couldn't even get through the first sentence without starting the sob. When I realized tears were rapidly dripping down my cheeks, I made a careful notion to not get any tears on the ink. I didn't want to smear the last handwritten note I'd ever get from her. 

      Sister Sandi, my dear friend, passed away last Sunday. I was dressed as a woman from the 18th century at a Revolutionary War Reenactment when suddenly my phone went off. A text message from one of the Sisters letting me know that Sister Sandi had gone home to God. A few hours later, I got a phone call from another one of the Sisters ready to have that tough conversation with me. I remember standing for a few moments reading the words on my phone. That dramatic thing that happens when someone gets bad news in hollywood, where they drop everything and start sobbing? Well, that happened to me. I dropped my phone and just started walking. I eventually say on a bench near the Potomac River and cried. 

      Exactly a month ago this week, I interrupted Sister Sandi's prayer in the Chapel in Chicago for a hug. The little woman who stood only a few centimeters shorter than me, smiled gently when she looked up at my face and walked with me to the hallway. It was there that we joined in a hug that was so tight, making up for the distance and the time since we had last seen each other. She so graciously hugged and joyously welcomed each of my students and my fellow faculty member as they entered the doors to Chapel before Mass. There was something good about being home and I knew part of it was being with my Sister, Sandi. 

      The rest of the week we saw each other here and there because although we were living in the same convent for the week, we both had very different schedules. I mean, after all, I was there with my students on a service trip and she had her daily life to attend to. However, we would always engage in wonderful conversation when we had the time. She was so gentle, as always, with my students. I knew that she loved them because I loved them and there would be no question about that. She asked me about the family and every day another little surprise would show up at my bedroom door labeled: for mom, for dad, for Mary and for Lizzie. My little surprise came on the first day - a hand written welcome note, as per her tradition. 

      I met Sister Sandi because of my little sister. A number of years ago, I was home from school and it was a huge weekend at the convent: Sister Anne was making her final vows. I decided to go over to the school, where the ceremony was being held, to see if there was any help needed to set up. Naturally, I dragged my little sister into it. She had to have been only six at the time. I remember so clearly how I had been upstairs in the Chapel with her when Sister Mary Joan asked Lizzie to go with her - she had a job for her. My Sisters could always be counted on for making any member of my family feel welcome and useful and appreciated. After a while, I went downstairs to see what kind of work Lizzie was getting herself into. I saw the following interaction taking place:

      Lizzie was running back and forth between tables setting them with utensils. However, she wasn't doing it all at once but rather spoon by spoon, fork by fork and knife by knife. She was getting each spoon, fork and knife from this little nun sitting down at a table. This little nun just happened to be Sister Sandi, who introduced herself and began to tell me how much she loved my sister. She came from Chicago and over the course of less than 24 hours I immediately felt like I had found a new friend. After the ceremony the next day, I was standing outside with Sister Sandi when she asked me if I had ever thought of religious life because I was truly make a good fit. I hugged her and just knew that she would be a beautiful confidant and prayer partner. 

       In the course of knowing Sister Sandi for four and a half years, she never failed to send me or my sisters a birthday card, Christmas card and Easter card. Whenever I would visit Chicago, she either picked me up or dropped me off at the airport. Of course, regardless of her airport duty, she would always have a little welcome note in my bedroom. She would always make time to have a little conversation with me. Some of the most memorable conversations include all the times she told me that she would love me no matter what community I enter, all the conversations we had about our gifts and talents, and all the conversations where we cried because of God's goodness. She was so gentle, so loving and always up for fun. She had a great laugh, a great knack for friendship and a huge love for Culver's Ice Cream ("it's tradition!"). 

       Tonight is Sister Sandi's viewing and I can't tell you how many times I searched every flight website for a low cost flight this week. I was obviously dreaming. I contemplated driving out for the day for her funeral tomorrow, but there would be no way I could do it. I wanted to be there but I knew that she would always be with me. I got her Birthday card to me today on the day of her viewing. Tomorrow is my birthday and the day of her funeral. I'll be spending morning Mass with our Sisters in prayer for the repose of her soul - I know she's dancing in Heaven right now. I know that she was so ahead of her a game that she had had my birthday card written and sealed and addressed probably before she had her knee replacement surgery. She was just waiting to mail it. 

        Of course, typically, I would write Sister Sandi a thank you note. I know she wont' receive it but if I were to write one it would say: My dear, dear Sister Sandi. I can't thank you enough for the card and in an envelope of my favorite color, too! I think I'll save your little gift for the next time I come to Chicago - Culver's on me? It was so good seeing you over our Spring Break trip. The girls LOVED being there and I know they LOVED you. You're such a wonderful woman of God and I am so glad you're in my life. Praying for you always. Love, your Sister, Becca. P.S. I love you."

        Had I known that my goodbye to her right before we journeyed home from Chicago was going to be my last time seeing her, I wouldn't have done anything different. I gave her a squeeze, told her I'd see her soon and that I'd be praying for her. Of course, I finished our goodbye with an "I love you." There's something I love about my Sisters and it's that they always know how important those three little words are to me. They always know that I'm going to say it and they always know that they need to say it in response. So when I told Sister Sandi that I loved her, she put her hand on my cheek and said, "You, too, kid, you, too." 

Prom Princess - An Open Letter to High School Senior Girls on the Night of the their Prom

"Keep your head up, Princess, 

don't let the crown fall."

- anonymous 

 

My Dear Sister, 

Tonight is one of the biggest nights of your life so far and you are bursting to the seams with excitement. I can't blame you; being pampered at the hair salon, nail salon, and make-up salon feels great. You have your entire day mapped out: hair at 1:00, nails at 2:00, make-up at 3:00, pictures at a different place each half hour and finally, the limo pick-up. You woke up this morning in your "natural state" and may have gone to school the most relaxed ever, or you slept in because you didn't have school. Regardless, you let yourself be vulnerable by walking out the door literally looking like you just woke up...because you probably did. And let me tell you, even then you were beautiful. 

You will look absolutely stunning and perhaps, you will be so dolled up that no one will recognize you right away. Your dress will be the perfect color and everything will match from the shoes to the clutch to the flowers even down to the little colored line under your french manicure. What might not match will be your dates' ties or vests, but hey, boys will be boys, right? Your pictures will be an entire fan fair and you will love it. Your older sister will make you do every pose possible so that the perfect pictures come out and you will get frustrated but hey, she does it out of love. She may have skipped school or left work early to be there for you, so let her gush over you. You're best friends; don't forget that. 

As your older sister in Christ, I want to tell you a few things. The boys might not notice how perfect your hair or make-up or nails are, but there is one man in your life that will: your Daddy. Daddy might get a little teary-eyed when he watches you walk down the stairs with your complete get up. He will experience so many flashbacks to the other times when you wore a beautiful dress like your  grade school graduation, your First Communion, and even as far back as your baptism. He will also experience some glimmers into your future as he might imagine how you'll look in your wedding dress. He'll tell you how beautiful you look in that given moment and he'll want to wrap his arms around you like he used to. Don't let the fear of dad's hug crushing your flowers keep you from hugging him. He loves you so much and he wants you to have the most beautiful night, because you are his little girl. You were first his princess.

Mom will think the same things but she'll probably be gushing over your loose dress straps, the dirt on the bottom of your high heels because you walked in the grass, and the one tiny strand of hair that may or may not be out of place. She will try to perfect your outfit a hundred times before the first photo shoot. Let her. In her busy way, she is telling you that she can't believe you've grown up so quickly. She will remember holding you in your little dresses and taking pictures of you wearing Mommy's high heels that were way too big for your two year old feet. She will want everything for your night to be perfect because she knows that the adult reality isn't perfect. She wants to keep everything perfect for as long as she can because pretty soon, you will be moving away from home. You're not a little girl anymore and she knows that. She loves the young woman you have become. But remember, you were first her princess.

Your young Sister will gaze at you in awe. She idolizes you and thinks you are the prettiest, best big Sister in the world. She probably wanted to be right next to you as your got your hair, nails and make-up done, because she's in a rush to grow up to be just like you. Let her get all dressy with you and take lots of pictures with her for the memories. It won't be too long until you won't see her every day. Your younger brother will think all this prom stuff is gross, but in reality he is watching your every move. The way you act around your date will be the way he expects young women to act around him. He will watch to see if you let your date open the door for you; a true gentleman should. You should even let your younger brother do the same for you; let him practice being a gentleman for you. You are their princess.

Your date may or may not be clueless as to how to act in a tux, nice shoes and a tie. He will have no idea what to do with your purse or flowers or hand. Even if he knows how to be a gentleman, he will have forgotten the moment he saw you in your dress. It's your job to stand at the door and cough a little so that he opens the door for you. You should probably remind him before you get to the receiving line that he needs to make sure he gives a very firm handshake. He should give you his arm, too, if there are stairs involved at any moment of the night. He should give you his arm even if there aren't. Take his arm. Let him pull out your seat at the table. Even if your date is not your boyfriend, let him be a gentleman. Gently require gentleman-like behavior all night long. 

How you conduct yourself on this most memorable night is very important. My hope is that you chose a dress that, well, covers you. I also hope that you are wearing a dress that was insanely difficult to zip and button up. If it was hard to get on, it will be even more difficult to get off. Stay in your dress. It's so hard to find a dress these days that isn't filled with holes. You're beautiful in sweatpants, remember? You don't need to showcase your body to be beautiful. 

When it comes to dancing, you need to lead your date onto holiness. Prom is more enjoyable when you can see your date's face. Traditional dancing these days doesn't encourage that. I would say keep enough room for the Holy Spirit, the Bible or a ruler, but hey, you've heard it a million times in grade school. Why say it again? The truth is, when your date is dancing behind you, he's not looking at YOUR BEAUTIFUL FACE. You had that face all done-up, he should be privileged to look at you. Besides, dancing is more enjoyable when you can see his handsome face, too. You are his princess for the night.

I'm hear to tell your date, too, that he should be aware that you are his princess. There isn't anything he should do tonight that should make your crown fall. There isn't anything he should do tonight that should rob you of your dignity. Whether it's where he puts his hands while you're dancing, how he speaks to you, how he treats you throughout the night, or how he conducts himself at the after-Prom party, he should be calling you onto holiness, too. There is no doubt that there will be certain pressures but I'm telling you that if YOU believe in your dignity, he will believe your dignity. By the way your conduct yourself, he will know that you either a. mean business and demand respect or b. he's got a free pass tonight. His main goal tonight should be making sure that crown doesn't fall. Tonight you are his princess. 

Additionally, I want to briefly mention your date...oh wait, I've done that already, huh? Remember that he wears a crown, too. He is a prince. To his mom, dad and siblings, he is a prince. Tonight, he is your prince. He is not your coat rack; he will feel obligated to hold your phone, purse and flowers, but I can guarantee he doesn't want to be seen holding all that stuff in your pictures. Give it to your Sister or Dad who will look on with pride, gladly holding your things. He is your escort; not your personal servant for the night. Treat him with dignity and respect. Call him onto holiness. Look at his handsome face. Enjoy the moment. Be a lady in every regard; while eating, while dancing, while after-partying. By doing this, he will feel less pressure to fit in with the societal norms. Keep his crown up, too.

Finally, I know that you're not actually having fun unless it says you're having fun on social media. But please, do not blow up my feed with your notifications. I know you're at prom, your family knows you're at prom, your date definitely knows you're at prom and your girlfriends know you're at prom, too. You're literally in a room with all the people who might care about what you're doing for the night. Have fun WITH them not with their Twitter/Facebook/Instragram accounts. Spend tomorrow tagging people in pictures. Put the phone in your purse on silent and dance. Trust me, for about three hours, you can put that phone down. You won't start shaking. Promise. 

I hope you know how much I love you. I don't want this to seem like a lecture. It's a letter my heart felt overly compelled to write because I want your crown to shine above anything else tonight. I want that crown on your head to be the main attraction tonight. That crown symbolizes your dignity. I know that your heavenly Father has been working hard on making sure it shines so perfectly tonight because He loves you and wants only the best for you. I love you and I wanted to tell you that. I hope you know how much your crown means to me. Your beautiful crown has encouraged me to pull mine out of the dusty closet. Maybe tonight, I'll wear mine, too. Imagine that, coordinating crowns for pictures. 

Above all else, have a great time tonight. As we always say, "Make good choices." Keep that crown up, Princess. I love you. 

Love, 

Your Big Sister in Christ

P.S. Please, dear God, make good underwear decisions!