B-E-A-U-tiful

"We are all different, too big, too small, too short, too tall. But the beauty of it is that God is still waiting for us anyway."

- S. Natanaela

     My most recent adventures have included a week long intensive course on Beauty and a spur of the moment road trip to Chicago with a nun. Has much changed in my life? Nope. Not at all. While I have been busier than ever in my life, God is still moving in my heart. My course was extremely difficult for me because of many reasons such as the length and intensive nature of the course, as well as the concepts presented. So many times the lectures consisted of various conventions of beauty - how one can label something beautiful. Some presented various definitions of what beauty is, some offered conceptions of beauty and some even gave instances of "real" art versus kitsch. Naturally, I disagreed with most of what was presented because I come from the viewpoint that what is beautiful to me might not be beautiful to someone else. I struggled a lot with the class but the following week of spur of the moment adventures gave me a whole new vantage point of beauty; one that confirmed my own personal beliefs of beauty. 

     My class presented various paintings, images, pieces of art, some literature and even music to us under different lights - good, bad, real, kitsch. I found myself in awe of some beautiful religious paintings while other people thought they were awful. I found certain pieces of music to be beautiful and for others it was painful. On the flip side, some people thought some pieces of music were so outrageously gorgeous while I felt like my ears were bleeding. As a musician, I felt like I had the upper hand. Of course, this isn't meant to be a rant about how much I pretty much hated my class. So I'll steer away from that now. What I want to get across is that what is beautiful to me might not be beautiful to another person. What I find to be the most beautiful things in life, like laughter, sunsets, ripples in the lake, holding hands, and even the faces of those I love, might not be the most beautiful things for others. Of course, for me, beauty is found in the simplest things. I don't need art and music to connect my soul with the divine. I need simply to be made aware by the presence of another soul. 

     My faith in beauty was restored the following week when I found myself driving 13.5 hours to Chicago on a grand adventure. It was a spur of the moment trip with one of my Sisters. I jokingly suggested we go, she jokingly said ok and then eventually we found ourselves traveling at the crack of dawn. She kept saying how hard it was to believe she was there...me, too. Did I really just drive halfway across the country with a nun in my car to go visit more nuns? Yep. Did I love every second of it? Yep. Was I prepared for what the week had in store for me? Absolutely not. 

     When we eventually arrived at the convent, we were greeted so warmly as friends, as sisters. I truly believe that the nuns helped shape me into the person I am today...the person who believes that food is love. I pretty sure every second I wasn't eating, I was asked if I was hungry! But that wasn't the best part; I was also taught how to make some perfect Polish dishes. I cannot wait to try them at home. After we had dinner together with the community, we headed on another adventure. It was during these few days of adventuring all over Illinois, that I had to come up with a paper for my past week's class. In my reflections on beauty I realized some most amazing things. 

      With my sisters, the conventions of beauty do not exist. By this I mean, I barely had to look in the mirror. It didn't matter if I didn't wear make-up, had frizzy hair, or even if I wore the same outfit twice in one week. I looked at my sisters, who in the morning, were just as stinky breathed, frizzy haired, and groggy-eyed as I was. There was no questioning my need for adventure when I jumped in the water fully clothed. It didn't matter how much or how little I ate, how skinny or how fat I was. It didn't matter if my hair stuck out in all the wrong places even though it was in a ponytail. The worldly conventions of beauty did not matter with them and it's not because we were at the convent. Yes, it's true that sisters don't necessarily abide by the worldly conventions of beauty. But the reason I felt so beautiful in my Sisters' presence was because of their radiating beauty. 

      There was beauty in every story they told me about religious life, about their journey to meeting God, about the ups and downs of their day to day life. I found particular beauty in the way they spoke about the hardships they encountered and still experience. I discovered that my Polish sisters are some of the strongest women I know because of all the sacrifices they have made for their vocation. There was beauty in every moment of laughter and trust me, we laughed a lot. I laughed until it hurt. I laughed until I had tears rolling down my cheeks. There was beauty in every Polish accented English word. There was beauty in every search for proper vocabulary. There was beauty in every step we took together or moment we spent. There was even beauty in the silence, too. 

       Many days we visited different holy places, different churches and shrines. In these moments at Mass or in adoration, I prayed so hard. So much was put on my heart, especially in terms of beauty. Religious life is not easy. This is something I have always known. But there is a beauty in it. As Sister David would say, "It's been hard, but I wouldn't change it for the world." I saw the beauty in their deep relationships with God and with one another. I felt beautiful simply by being in their presence. Whether we were walking together, talking together, sitting together, swimming together, whatever, there was beauty. They know that the beautiful is God's creation. The trust in His promise and His endless beauty. There really are no words to describe the feeling of true beauty, except that I know these women are some of the most beautiful women I know. 

       My week was a beautiful retreat in a way, despite it being so full of adventure. I was able to focus so clearly on God this past week. I felt peace and true beauty in being able to be my true self - obnoxious laugh and all. I felt so free in ways indescribable. I felt the love from the Father above and from my Sisters. I felt such immense peace from Jesus. There were many conversations I had that lead me in many reflective ways. Whether it was, "God already knows...you just have to answer," or "I don't think it's a matter of if, but when," I was lead back down the roads from which I have felt distance. I allowed myself to be curious about religious life again and pray like I had once before - freely, openly, with tears, with pain, with happiness. To say this past week was a blessing is an understatement...it was so much more. 

       Toward the end of the week, I found myself entering into conversations I never could have imagined. Conversations that involved me to be so vulnerable and so open with my Sisters. I have kept so much in my heart and pondered my thoughts, but I never spoke them. In my conversations I released some pains, some frustrations but mostly my joys of peace and knowledge of the Lord in my life. My Sisters allowed me to be dramatic at times, laugh and joke, and share my heart. They, in turn, shared their hearts with me. I never expected that such deep, positive relationships could come from this week, but God had different plans. 

      My Sisters opened yet another window to beauty for me. They reminded me that I do not need to be perfect to be loved. They reminded me that the worldly conventions of beauty are impossible and that I am beautiful in my own ways. They reminded me that it's okay to not know what I'm doing with me life, to be afraid, to be scared. But they also reminded me that peace comes from within, from my own relationship with God. Peace doesn't come from making other people happy. Peace and beauty exist when I allow myself to be freely me. They showed me this by their most beautiful example. 

      If I could define beauty, if I could find the right words to even describe this week, I would say, that my Sisters are beauty. They are the pathways to the divine. They are example of service, sacrifice, struggle, and strength. They are my crutch when I need them. They are my best friends. They are my Sisters and I feel so incredibly blessed to have them in my life. They have been examples of joy and peace...what happens when one surrenders to God's will. And at this moment, I feel like saying, "I'm back in the game!" I'm back in touch. I've wiped the dust from my feet. I'm ready to do His will, whatever it may be. Because at this moment, I feel peace, joy, and above all, beauty. True beauty; His beauty. There aren't adequate words to truly and fully describe how God moves the heart. But I can say that His moving in my heart lead me to tears many times this week and that's better than any words. I tried my best, but nothing will ever truly grasp how beautiful God's presence in my life was this week. 

Blessed Are the West Virginians

"Not that others should have relief

while you are burdened, but as a matter of equality,

your abundance at the present time should supply there needs

so their abundance may also supply your needs. "

- 2 Cor 8:13-14

The JusticeWorx Team with Bill and Addie Likens

     It's been one busy month since I've last blogged. Between the end of the school year, Graduation festivities for my students and my Sister, conferences and planning trips and meetings, I've barely had enough time to enjoy the Summer sun and the backyard pool. However, Monday allowed me to sleep in a little bit, go to 8:00 am Mass, come home and make breakfast for me and my Sisters, and hang out after unpacking from my most recent adventure. Summer is finally here, people, and I can finally "relax."

     Last week was the last "official" school-related event for the school year. Yes, I know classes have been over since the first week in June, but still, there were conferences and service trips to be run. This past service trip was to Dunlow, West Virginia, where Bill and Addie run the town. As a part of JusticeWorx Camp, an event run by the Center for Faith Justice in new Jersey, we drove ten mini vans down to the bottom of West Virginia. It took us nine hours and three stops to get there. After our long drive up, down and around the mountain range, we pulled into the stone parking lot of the Dunlow Community Center where we unpacked and set up shop. My girls spread out cots and sleeping bags in every which direction upstairs and I took shelter in a little side room with two other chaperones. There were 20 girls and 28 boys from a brother school in New Jersey (don't worry they stayed somewhere else!). What an adventure it already seemed to be. I could hardly wait for the week. 

     We spent the week in prayer and service in love of the Lord. Ten service groups broke up to go different places including refurbishing a shed into a home for a woman who had been beaten almost to the point of death over a quad and was now living in her parents' backyard because no assisted living was available in the area, putting in brand new windows for a man with MS who had been a huge part of the community for years, shopping, organizing and running the monthly food pantry and clothing donation give away during which we fed 141 families from all over the area (up to 2.5 hours away) and redoing a floor in Miss Mary's bedroom and hallway because her original floor was giving in. We also helped paint and clean up the community center toward the end of the week. My students were faced with my challenges all of which they accepted and accomplished. I watched my students learn how to respectfully speak with people who spoke a different type of English, organize fruits, veggies and foods in so many different ways, utilize teamwork, use power tools and of course, serve the dear neighbor living in rural poverty. 

      My students also were given opportunities to explore various types of justice according to the Seven Themes of Catholic Social Teaching. We explored environmental justice, economic justice and so much more. We talked about poverty in urban and rural settings, our carbon footprint, what we could do to change it. We also experienced many different ways to pray. It was a beautiful experience for so many of them and I know we will be coming back, for sure, next year. 

     Often, I see things through the eyes of justice. Fairness and Justice are two different things and so may say, "well that's not fair," but for me, I see things by saying, "that's unjust." Poverty is awful and I think often of all the places I've been so privileged to go because I was financially able. I was able to go to a place, serve and then go home, back to the comfort of my own financial status. One thing I heard so often through the week was, "I'm out of my comfort zone." While that's so good for people, I often wonder how much it sticks when we go back to the comfort zone. I've never felt hunger because I didn't know where my next meal was coming from. I'm willing to bet neither have most of my students. Yet, we were working with people who may not know that. Considering that the nearest store was 45 minutes away, people might not be able to afford getting to the store, either. I saw a lot of injustice in the world last week and I felt so blessed to have experienced that. 

      I teach Catholic Social Teaching at my school and I love it. I love Theology but my favorite thing to teach is ethics. It makes people think about the rights and the wrongs of society. One of the first things my students were told when we arrived in WV was that each day they would be allowed 4 minute showers each. That's it. When they started grumbling, I spoke up and said, "I take about a five minute shower every other day before school. I can still function as a human being. You can do it, too." I believe in practicing what I preach. Like I've said, I have never felt the pinch. But that doesn't mean I can't live in solidarity with the people I serve. So, as much as I teach I try to practice. It's not always easy, but it's certainly possible. I challenge my kids to do the same. 

     What they all saw this week was everything I teach in reality. Everything I tell them about, yes, it really exists. But the most important part the realized was the importance of my first lesson every time I start a new class - the importance of names and stories. People. We are so far away from the poverty and the injustice of society because we fail to recognize that it's OTHER people involved. My students even commented on this many times. I challenged them to get to know as many names and stories as possible. And they certainly rose to the occasion. They sat with so many people at the food pantry, they sat with the owners of the houses on which we worked and they sat with one another. It was beautiful to see God's work at hand. 

      I was sitting in my pew on Sunday, the day after we drove nine hours home in perpetual pouring rain and storms, and thinking about the past week. I heard the above Scripture quotation and took it as a little nod from God - you done good, kid. But not me, my students. They gave from what they had and allowed the poor to become friends with them. I saw so many beautiful things and it was mind-blowing. I told my kids every day how proud I was of them. When I heard that verse, I thought, and this is why I do the things I do. It's in Scripture, number one, but it's God calling me onto holiness through solidarity with my brothers and sisters. Blessed are the poor in spirit...blessed are the West Virginians.