"When you sing, everything that you sing is a prayer. Every song that you proclaim with your voice is a praising of God. Let your voice be heard, my dear. Just do it."
- Sister Regina
If there was one person who taught me what music at Mass is supposed to be like, it's the above quoted sister. I studied Liturgical Music for a full year under her direction and I never, ever want to go back to before her class. Let's be honest: there were three of us in the class and we never had any homework. However, that's not why I loved it so much. I can't tell you how many times she told us that if we make our music a prayer, something changes about it; it makes the song sweeter. And if you really think about it, everything that one would sing in church, is Scripture or based on it, therefore, it's a prayer. I can't tell you how many times people have come up to me after Mass and told me that there is something different when I sing. I owe it all to her.
Growing up, we had a Sister who was a very close family friend ours, Sister Thomasita. I can recall time and time again of our visits with her when we would sit in the front parlor and play the piano together or I would sing for her. Ever since I can remember, I've loved to sing. Singing with Sister Thomasita was always a special treat because I absolutely loved her. As I got older and she got sicker, those days of playing and singing were no more. I did, however, begin my cantoring career. Come my Junior year of High School, she passed away and part of my love for singing went with her. I stopped singing in my Parish that year, for a plethora of reasons, but part of it was because I no longer had her to sing for.
Fast forward a few years to my Freshmen year in college. I had not sung in front of a congregation in over two years and I severely missed it. I joined the church choir at school and eventually became a solo cantor again for our morning Mass. I was also taking my class with Sister Regina. However, there were some mornings when she would be the scheduled accompanist for Mass when I would be scheduled to sing and so, we began to form a bond outside of the classroom. She would sit high upon the organ seat and I would stand next to her to sing. Every five measures or so, she would stop playing so she could critique either my breathing, my vowel pronunciation and then finally, to congratulate me on a job well done. Since I am a high Soprano and she is an Alto, when we would be scheduled together, we would harmonize while she played either the piano or organ. I loved being able to sing with her and eventually, my heart kind of said it would never sing with anyone as honestly as it would with her. Basically, I decided I would never sing with anyone else but her. However, duty calls and I have to, but she is my favorite to sing with.
Ok, so now that you know that...classes have been over for three weeks. I have not sung at Mass either as a cantor or in the choir in three weeks save for Baccalaureate (which my dear Sister Regina conducted and it was heaven). I can honestly say, I miss it. But, there is no way I would ask to start cantoring in my own Parish again, for many reasons. However, I still miss it. I miss being about to lift my voice in my highest type of prayer. So, the other day, I was really praying hard about this desire to pray with singing. I really wanted to go back to school and sing with Sister Regina. After mass was over, I was talking to our pastor. I said nothing about praying about singing during Mass. However, he asked me if I wouldn't mind singing the Response and the Alleluia for the special Mass he was saying tonight. I couldn't say yes fast enough. His bargain was this (since he knows more or less why I won't sing at home anymore...): I would chant the music a cappella. I was more than excited because God answered my prayers almost instantly.
And so, two days later, tonight, I finally sang again. Although I wasn't with my dear Sister, I was singing and the whole time I was, I could hear her in the back of my head telling me to make it my prayer; to use my voice only to praise God! Father's homily tonight circled around how the Mass is a piece of Heaven on Earth. After Mass someone said, "It is a piece of Heaven on Earth, but only when she sings." I sincerely missed singing for God so much, so the opportunity to sing, alone, was gift enough. But to have some of our Parishioners tell me that my voice is their piece of Heaven, was more than a blessing.
When I was younger, the only reason I wanted to sing was to bring them closer to God. In all the years that I have sung as a prayer, I've had so many people come to me and tell me how I helped them find or see God. These people range from the homeless on the streets of New Orleans to the Parishioners of my home Parish. To be such an instrument (literally) of God's love is a most beautiful blessing and I am so grateful for those opportunities. I sincerely only want to lead people to God and if I can be a piece of Heaven on Earth, well, I know for sure that God is speaking (well...singing) through my voice. Thanks God for the beauty of that opportunity. Amen, Amen, Alleluia.
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