I'll Carry You - Battling the Flu

"When you saw only one set of footprints, 

it was then that I carried you."

- "Footprints In The Sand"

      It's been a pretty frigid winter. I hate wearing a coat, but I'll often bundle up in multiple layers just to keep warm. One afternoon, the topic of getting and staying warm came up at work study with Sister Cathy. I began to tell her how hard it is to get warm in my room because my roommate and I have this on-going, back and forth, passive aggressive fight over the heat. I'll come in, turn it up, go to bed. She'll come in, turn it down, go to bed. I'll wake up in the middle of the night freezing (under five blankets) and turn it up again! Back and forth we go, turning it up or down when we enter the room if the other isn't looking. I just looked over at the heat adjuster...guess what: it's been knocked down again! Of course, this little debate we have going is all in good fun...except when I'm freeeeeeezing! I just can't ever get warm unless it's Summer outside! I like to be warm, I like to snuggle, I like to sit by a campfire, I like Summer heat, I like sunshine. I hate being cold. 

      This time last weekend, I was freezing by behind off despite snuggling next to two Searchers on the notorious blue couch. I had almost all the clothes I packed on my body and I was under two blankets. I had a distinct throw-back to freezing every night while in NOLA, but this was different. I could feel heat behind my eyes, but I was shivering. Earlier that day, I had rolled out of my bunk bed and shuffled over to where Sister Cathy was sitting. Like the SEARCH Mother she is, she felt my head and cheeks only to tell me what I was already fearing: a fever was coming. A few minutes later, I took the hottest shower of my life and was finally warm. But soon after, I couldn't get warm and up until about Wednesday, I spent almost every moment of my days shivering in my bed. I spent the rest of retreat, trying my hardest to be the active, bubbling over self I usually am, but I was sooo cold. I even was bundled under my blanket during Mass. Nothing like the flu to humble me. At least I had a beautiful SEARCH Family to carry me. 

       After retreat, our Peru group had a mandatory meeting about Peru. All I wanted was my bed and sleep, but alas, that was not going to happen. My little sister had to cuddle me for two hours while I tried to listen to "all I needed to know" before I went to Peru, but to be completely honest, I retained nothing. I was too focused on trying to stay awake. I think I slept twelve hours that night. For the first time in a very long time, I didn't set a morning alarm. When I woke up, I found quite a few layers on the ground under my bed. Apparently, I had started to sweat it out over night. But the fever wasn't gone for sure. In fact, it held on for a few days. Today is the first day I am actually starting to feel closer to 100% better; even my cough is minimal!

      Sickness always humbles me. While on retreat, I had to let people help me with things and let me tell you how perfect my small group was, especially my other leader half, Matt. The other leaders really helped me out and reminded me that no matter what, I am loved. Whether it was simply rubbing my back, or tucking me in, or bringing me a cold water bottle for my head, they stepped up to the bar. Also under the "taking care of Becca catagory" was sitting on Becca's feet, legs, entire body to keep her warm, taking horrendous pictures of her, holding her hand so she didn't fall and making her smile despite the rainy days. In fact, I'd go back to SEARCH VI in a heart beat, because of what it did for me. It reminded me how to truly live the Fourth in a whole new way. 

      Back on campus, all the beautiful retreat bliss faded, but the love didn't. On Monday, Sister Cathy brought me an extra smile and told me that I didn't have to come into work study all week. On Tuesday, Sister Elaine told me she was postponing the due date for our research paper. On Wednesday, Sister Marcille reminded me of our Cast and Crew's ministry to simply smile. On Thursday and Friday and today, so many more gave me gentle smiles, uplifting words and lots of hugs! I felt as if I was dragging my feet every place I went, every time I got out of my nice, warm, bed. And yet, God surrounded me by so many uplifting people. I received encouraging emails, heart warming conversations with the Mother General and lots of laughter from the sisters at work. I got check up text messages and facebook posts. I have never felt this loved before. And to think that I needed the flu to help me realize it. 

      The flu honestly helped slow me down! Of course, I'm sure a SEARCH high played a huge part in my realization that I am loved, but the flu really helped. I didn't realize the amount of people in my life who would be willing to help me when I need it until this past week. I almost refused to believe that people actually do care for and love me here at school. But I couldn't ignore all the love I was given, especially from people I didn't think loved me as much as they showed me this week. I was blessed with so many little things, like smiles, gentle words and hugs, that really, truly, deeply showed and reminded me that I am loved. I learned a lot this week, but most importantly was that I am loved. It's hard for the lovers to accept and realize that they too are loved and the flu definitely helped me. It showed me how many people are willing to carry me, because at most moments this past week, it felt like all the sisters were literally carrying me. My heart was definitely being carried...the rest of me was probably being dragged (especially by Sister Elaine!) I guess you could say I am grateful for the flu. So, thanks God, for knocking me down, giving me the flu and then giving me so many people willing to carry and love me. Thanks a lot, from the bottom of my heart! I'd do it all again in a heart beat!