Who Am I? - A Reflection on the Visitation

"How does this happen to me,

 that the Mother of my Lord should come to visit me?"

- Luke 1: 39-56

    I found myself, yet again, sitting in the Chapel here in EIC, Peru. A few sisters were out and about visiting Montenegro for the 25th Anniversary of the school and so, the entire right side was empty except for me. Like usual, I was a few minutes early to Chapel when suddenly Sister Antonieta came over to me and asked me to move my seat closer to the altar. The Sisters here pray the Office inside of Mass and so, that meant I would be carrying the right side for prayers with Father. This would have been no problem, except for one thing: I cannot read Spanish for the life of me. And just when I thought I was on the right page, I wasnt. That was when Sister came over again to tell me it was the Feast of the Visitation! HOW PERFECT! I thought. Actually, it might have been PERFECTO! You see, my spanglish is getting better and better day by day!

    As I sat listening to the readings, I did not need to know Spanish in order to understand. These readings were some I had long ago memorized because of their beauty. I listened and reflected as Father proclaimed Elizabeths surprise at the arrival of her cousin Mary, pregnant with Jesus, the Lord. I heard in my heart: WHO AM I THAT THE MOTHER OF MY SAVIOR SHOULD COME TO ME? WHO AM I? WHO AM I? It just echoed over and over and over in my heart until finally it hit me: Elizabeth was the COUSIN of Mary, so, of course, they would have a visit. But yet, she was humbled. Now, I was not hearing Elizabeth proclaim WHO AM I but rather my own heart. WHO AM I, meager Becca Gutherman, that the MOTHER OF MY JESUS should protect, should visit me, should open her heart to me, should guide me, should be there as my own mother? Seriously, WHO AM I? Like so many times, I felt humbling tears in my eyes as I realized this experience Elizabeth had set for us so many years ago. Elizabeth was SHOCKED and HUMBLED at the sight of Mary that even the infant in her womb (John) leapt for joy. I, myself, should be leaping with joy at the very notion and idea that MARY is with me ALWAYS! And yet, how many times I have taken this for granted. I do not leap for joy, but rather merely acknowledge my Mother. But that is not all!

     After Elizabeth proclaims the greatness of the visitation, Mary continues the conversation with her now famous Magnificat. This has been my favorite "Mary Prayer" for as long as I can remember. "My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God, my Savoir," she proclaims. "He has looked with favor on His lowly servant." Yes, because it is my favorite, I can, like so many other Catholic prayers, recite the Magnificat. But that would mean nothing if I did not feel anything when I prayed it. Every time I experience such a beautiful work of God in my life, I feel like Mary in this moment. My soul literally feels as if it will take off and fly because it is so joyful, so rejoicing, so grateful to God. Every. Single. Time. I feel as if God has looked with favor on His lowly servant. Because, truly WHO AM I that God should bless me so greatly. I am a sinner, I have my faults, I make mistakes and yet, still, God continues to bless me over and over and over again. Not a single one of us is worthy of the goodness God bestows on us, myself very much included. I know I do not deserve the great blessings God has given me, especially my time here in Perú. My mind cannot fathom this greatness and continuously, I feel as if I should fall on my knees to praise God unceasingly. But then I remember, that when I wake up each morning and say to God, today my life is Yours, I can praise God through my actions. Yet, as much as I do through my actions, God blesses me even more. WHO AM I that God should bless this lowly servant? My soul will continue to proclaim and praise God for all of this. 

      All my time here in Peru, I have been asking: WHO AM I? WHO AM I that God should bless me with such beautiful experiences with the sisters, the people, the students, the love? WHO AM I that I should go to bed each night content with the day, content in the stomach, content in the mind, content in the heart? WHO AM I that I should walk around with a smile each day? WHO AM I to be moved to tears at the sound of little children blessing the Blessed Virgin Mary? WHO AM I that I should receive much hugs and love from "my CSA girls"? WHO AM I that I should receive such guidance and prayers from my sisters here in Perú? WHO AM I that I should be so blessed? WHO AM I that the Mother of my Savior should not only visit me but be with me each and every step of my journey through life? WHO AM I that my heart be blessed with the very presence of Jesus? WHO AM I but a lowly servant of the Lord? 

      In the past few days, the presence of devotion to Mary has been overwhelming through various May Processions and feast days. Music has always been my highest form of prayer and so when I was so blessed with a song sheet during the CSA Primary May Procession, my heart was overwhelmed. Listening to the many little voices of the children singing and singing praise to Mary rejuvenated my devotion and my questioning of WHO AM I? One song in particular: Junto A Ti Maria, sums it all up for me. While it is a Spanish hymn, in English it sings: make us humble and simple like you. Mother, mother, mother, mother. WHO AM I but a lowly servant of the Lord?

I Wonder If Mary and Jesus Would Like Coffee?

"Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee."

- Stephanie Piro

     Imagine this scene: you are exhausted from your week of adventures and it's 8:55 on a Saturday morning. The only thing you want to do is go back to bed and sleep the day away. But you can't. You made a promise to be present at a Parish event. Dragging your feet down the stairs to the Church Hall, you smell your first whiff of coffee. That very moment, the moment the beauteous scent of freshly brewed coffee reaches your nose, you know it's going to be a great day!

     Today I was fortunate enough to spend my Saturday in retreat with the Ladies Auxiliary of my Parish. The moment I turned eighteen I was told I was going to be enlisted into the names of the Ladies making me their youngest member. While I'm not home for most of the meetings and such because of school, I was blessed enough to be home for the 1st Annual Ladies Spirituality Day. As I made my way into the Church Hall, I found myself "blessed among the women" and was proudly the youngest lady there (shocker!!!). The retreat reflection circled around the Eucharist (coincidentally, what my retreat reflection was last weekend) and Family Life. In the middle of our day, we were given a paper with five words on it and encouraged to write down our personal reflection. Beings that I'm both an English major and a Theology minor, I found no difficulty with this. As I was furiously writing things down, the ladies were all watching me intently until one of them told me to spill. So spill I did, and the conversation went from there. Of course, I had to keep some of the good things for the group sharing part and when the time came for that, share I did. Not thinking anything of the age difference between myself and these women, I shared just as I would if I were on a discernment retreat or on a retreat with my friends for school; honestly. When the day was over, one of the ladies stopped me to thank me for my presence and my reflections. She told me that is was one of the most refreshing experiences she has had for a while. And so, I can't go without sharing some of my reflections on here...

    One of the first quotations Father used was, "To become that which they eat and that which they drink." (St. Augustine) From there, reflection on the day took the Eucharist as the real presence. We, as Catholics, say we believe in the TRUE and REAL presence of Jesus in the Eucharist. And yet we are blocked by truly seeing that real presences because so often, we find ourselves in the obligatory state of mind at Mass and not the privileged. However, being able to go to Mass is such a privilege and when we realize that, we experience the realization of the true presence of Jesus because we are finally truly present. Jesus gives us the beautiful example of being truly present, how we should really be with one another. So often we are distracted by our cell phones or the internet (admittedly it takes me twice as long to write a blog post when I have facebook open...it's open now) or even our daily, busy lives. We are constantly worrying about where and when we have to go instead of enjoying where we currently are. We so often need to just take the time to be really present. And by being present, we are being Eucharist for others; we are carrying the message of the Eucharist...just like Mary, the Mother of God. 

      The second half of the day Father has us reflect on the Visitation. Mary did not go to HELP Elizabeth but rather just to visit and be. Good thing for that teenager there were no cell phones. Elizabeth was an older woman, and an older relative. As much as teens love their grandparents, their presence with their grandparents is almost none existent because of the phone in their pocket. Perhaps the same would have been for Mary? Mary gives us the example of how two people can be truly present with one another. She was literally carrying the message of the Eucharist, the child Jesus within her womb, and she was being Eucharist for Elizabeth. Father then encouraged us to imagine ourselves within the scene. 

      It was so easy for me to imagine myself as Mary, the young visiting the older. Right away I imagined, not two women carrying on a conversation as they might have, but at a little coffee shop on a cute street corner or even in the kitchen on an early morning. Most people don't know this, but the reason I started drinking coffee was because of the sisters. It started while I was helping with retreat for the week last summer. Every morning the sisters would come down into the kitchen (my favorite room in any house), start the coffee and then, when it was ready gather round the little table just to morning chat. Of course, no one was dressed yet; it was a morning pajama party. And so, that idea of having coffee with Mary and Elizabeth was so easily formed in my mind. I find myself so often saying to another when we want to get together: "Let's grab coffee somewhere and visit." I can find myself going to visit the sisters after Mass and drinking coffee at the morning breakfast table, or headed to visit the elderly sisters and drinking coffee, or spending the day with the Ladies Auxiliary bonding over coffee or with my friends, de-stressing and really being present with one another over ... coffee. It's so easy for me to be truly present with another person over coffee (or over a meal is someone doesn't like coffee). Father said, "When we turn our biblical figures into supernatural superheroes, we fail to see their holiness in the ordinary sense and then we fail to see our own ordinary holiness." We so often hold Mary on a pedestal, and although rightfully so, we do so while forgetting her humanness. If Mary and Elizabeth were around today, they could easily be those two pregnant family members hanging out at the cute corner coffee shop. We read in the Scripture that Elizabeth was honored by Mary's visit because she was truly present. We should be able to make others feel honored by our visit but the only way we can do that is be truly present. And we can only be truly present when we turn off our cell phones, turn off the computers, take off our watches and nurse a cup of coffee for a few hours with another person simply sharing time and life. I think having a coffee date can easily be a way to be truly present to another especially since coffee is supposed to awaken our senses anyway.

     One final thing Father mentioned was about a priest he read about who liked to smoke a cigarette and drink some scotch while reading his prayers at night. And when he told his confessor, the confessor said, that he should stop and focus more on the prayers instead of the cigarette and scotch. I laughed because whenever I'm down the shore, I take my prayer book and a mug of fresh, warm coffee to the beach to pray. I never actually thought my coffee drinking would interfere with my prayers. In fact, I always thought of it as a cute little coffee date with Jesus, the love of my life. Hmm...I wonder if He would like coffee????