Kiss for the Road - an Open Letter to my Extended Family

"Families are messy. Sometimes the best we can do

is to remind each other that we're related for better and for worse....

and try to keep the maiming and the killing to a minimum."

- Rick Riordan, "Sea of Monsters"

It's not all the cousins, but it's a good amount.

Dear Family, 

All great letters start with "Dear," don't they? The word means "to, hey you read this, and I'm addressing you, so listen up." But it also means "my fondest, beloved, and cherished." In this family, both apply...listen up now, my cherished related family members. 

And so I say, to my dear family members, I've been reflecting our us as a collective whole for a while now. Maybe because the last time we were all together was a sad occasion. Maybe because I love you all too much it hurts some times. Maybe before I think I love being around all of you more than anything in the world. I'm not sure what sparked this desire to write this letter to you, but I think I need to. I think it's time I told you a lot of things. 

I have so many fond memories of us together. I have a picture of me and granddad on my desk at school from the pumpkin patch. Remember how we would all pile into the giant hay-filled trailer and travel a long way to the pumpkin patch? I vaguely remember the tradition happening all the way out near Kennett Square. I vaguely remember the giant whole-in-face scarecrow thing they had there. I'm not sure how many of the cousins got to see it because it closed or we stopped going or something happened. 

I have many fond memories of the tire swing that most of us are way too big for and that one time someone broke an elbow or a pair of glasses or something...okay, it was more than one time. I have fond memories of sledding down the farm hill and thinking it was the best thing in the world. I remember going to cut down our own Christmas trees. I remember all the parties we had for Baptisms, First Communions, Graduations and Birthdays. There was always laughter, pictures, fun times, good food and hours upon hours of conversation or play. My favorite day of the year is the family party around Christmastime. I literally look forward to that all year, more than anyone can understand. 

I love when we sit around the table telling the most hilarious stories of all the brothers and sister growing up. My maternal grandmother never can understand how me and my sisters can say one word and laugh until we're blue in the face. But I'm pretty sure I get that from my dad's side of the family because no one really knows the significance of the Mayonnaise Jar or what the heck pookie means except the brothers and sister. I'm not sure I even want to know. But what I love most about those stories is the laughter that comes from them. Whether you're laughing because you were present or you're laughing because someone else's laughter is just as funny as the story itself. I know, snorting is hilarious, and yes, I'm usually the one snorting. I also love hearing the stories of our grandparents. Like how apparently granddad never let us go when we were younger or always sugared us up before returning us back to our parents. I love the pictures we have of them and somehow it leads me to believe that they loved each other a lot.  I wish I could have known Grandmom because she sounds like the strong, faith-filled woman I can only dream of being. I wish Granddad could have been here longer -  Stewart's Root Beer and Ginger Snaps just aren't the same anymore. I wish I could know if I've made them proud. 

Above all, I love each and everyone of you. The ladies of our family are some of the strongest, most empowering, and most faith-filled women I know. Whenever I need confidence, I look to my aunts - the women who have dealt with my uncles for years, who have raised my favorite people in the world, who give so much passion to their professions, their lifestyles and their families. Each of you are unique and I sometimes like to pretend I have a bit of each of your personality in me. The men of our family have shown me what to look for in my best guy friends and/or a future husband (and.....what not to look for ;)). They have shown me how to protect one's family and provide for one's family. I have seen some of the best dads I've ever met in this family. All this being said, I've seen some great power couples, too. Life goals couples. Yes, I see how husbands make wives laugh and how they frustrate each other at times. I see them get through really tough times and enjoy the blissful moments. I want that one day whether it's with Jesus or it's with a husband. 

To my cousins, the source of my tear-filled laughter. I laugh the hardest with you. I cry the most with you. I dodge the most punches when I'm with you...and I throw the most punches when I'm with you. I hear the most harassment from you about my height, but hey, shorty still loves you. But I also hear the most words of encouragement from you. Whether you're protecting our country, our family name or my dignity, you are there for me and I always feel the safest in your presence. With no one else would I willingly ruin a pair of shoes in the mud, risk a broken limb, run faster than I've ever run, race with my younger cousins on my back, or even sit around a crowded room for hours without any contact to the outside world. You are each my hero in a unique way and I wish you could know the extent of my love for you. The truth is, I don't have the words for it. All I can say is "I love you" each time and hope you know it's true. 

We don't each other often enough. It seems we only see each other now when tears are involved - births, deaths and marriages. And it's a crying shame I don't see you more often. I truthfully long to once again all be crowded in someone's smaller house for now reason other than to eat and be merry. I truthfully long to play cops and robbers, get dirty, and be childishly silly with my cousins again. I'm guilty of being so busy that sometimes I can't breathe but I think I already know what my New Year's Resolution is going to be - the see my family more often. To make it a point to visit with my aunts and uncles and cousins. Because I love you each so much. 

I started this letter with a great quotation - families are messy. We have our own messes, our own flaws, things we know about, things we hide. I have this ideal image of our family and I know each of us carries our own burdens, our own mistakes, our own flaws and so much more. I admit that I am not perfect, I could never even think about being perfect. I know that of my own person, I have my own issues. I love too much, I get my heart broken too easily, I want to save the world. But I also get too angry, I sometimes have yelling matches with God about my life and the world, and I often feel like giving up. There's more but this letter isn't about me. But really, I get it, we all have quirks, flaws and problems. We all have some reason or another to hate on someone else at times. And yeah we have family drama. But all of that doesn't make me love you any less. In fact, I think it makes me love you more because it reminds me I'm not alone. 

The truth is, the reason I wrote this open letter is so that you would know I love you. So I could put into words the reasons why I love you. You make me the best me when I'm with you. You bring out all the things I love about myself. You actually think I'm funny when I tell jokes. You actually listen to my stories whether or not they are good stories. You pray for me. You make me smile. You let me give nice, long, snuggly hugs and you let me hold your hands. You let me laugh until I'm snorting or crying or both. You remind me that I'm loved when I'm being silly and when I'm being a little melancholy, too. You remind me, too, why I'm proud to be a part of this family and to be a Catholic. 

Thank you. Thank you for being there when I need a smile, a laugh or a reminder that I need to be the best me. Thank you for everything, for raising me into the young woman I am today. Thank you for dressing me in my baptismal dress, taking my pictures, letting me be in your weddings, trusting me enough to babysit, be a godmother, letting me run around your houses (still) and so much more. Thank you and thank God we share the same last name. I love you all. 

Sincerely, 

Your niece, daughter, grand-daughter, cousin.

P.S. Here's a KISS for the Road. 

I'm The Fairy Godmother...Again

"I know what every princess needs to live happily ever after.

Your troubles will soon be gone, worries will vanish, your soul will cleanse."

- Fairy Godmother, Shrek 2 

      A little less than three weeks ago while I sitting on my bed attempting to write my final paper for my Linguistics class on Speech Acquisition for the Deaf (it's actually a veryyyyy interesting topic) when my phone started ringing. When I looked at the caller ID, I panicked slightly when it read "Uncle Charles Home." First, how did he have my cell phone number? Second, WHY ON EARTH WAS HE CALLING ME AT SCHOOL??? "Hello?" I answered? "Rebecca!" my uncle replied with excitement. Only my aunts and uncles call me by my full first name. "What's up?" He answered by telling me I have a brand new cousin, Emily. This makes...oh...only 28 grandkids in the family. I was overjoyed. In my joy, I forgot that my uncle usually doesn't call the cousins personally to make them aware of the newest baby. They simply call the brothers.

      I could hear the other six kids in the background when my uncle put my Aunt Maryanne on speaker phone. "We have a question for you," they said in unison, "Would you be Emily's God-mother?"  I almost leapt off my bed because my heart was so happy. Yes! Yes! Yes! I was honored! I was ready to go scream to the whole campus that I was going to be a Godmother to my newest (and cutest) cousin. How awesome! I could hear a sigh of relief from the other side of the phone....as if I would say no...silly Uncle and Aunt! I smiled as we hung up. In a few weeks, I would get to see and hold and love and spoil my God-daughter, Emily.

       Yesterday was the Baptism. After staying up til 3:30 (which was the brightest idea), I was rolling out of bed at 8:15 and heading to the bookstore to get my God-daughter her gift. I tossed and turned all night long thinking what on earth I should get a one month old for her Baptism. A rosary? No....that's for First Communion. A bracelet? Nah...she'd probably eat it. A picture frame? With what picture. BOOKS! I'll get her BOOKS! It finally dawned on me. When I found out I was going to be a God-mother, I had class later that night with Professor Mooney, who of course asked what the baby's name was. When I said Emily, he responded by telling me I better teach her all about Emily Bronte and Emily Dickinson. So, I bought her a book of Emily Dickinson poetry for kids. Some may argue that she can't read, but she will be able to one day. Besides, it's because of the name. However, I also bought her two of my favorite books by Nancy Tillman: On The Day You Were (appropriate) and Wherever You Go, My Love Will Find You (which is about God's love...which we receive in Baptism, so there!) This kid will be reading the best literature before she can count to ten. Yes, that's my goal. Poor girl....not only did she receive God's love and grace through Baptism, but she also gained an English Major for a God-mom. 

      As a God-mother, there are certain duties one most take care of...you know, like dress the baby, change the baby, take pictures with the baby, love the baby, smile at the baby, hold the baby. But as a cousin (and niece), I also have duties. Like....harass the six other kids in the car by tickling them into their car seats and holding their hands into and out of church, bouncing them on my lap, messing up their hair and eating their cookies. Not only was I blessed to be a God-mother to my beautiful, littlest cousin, but I was blessed to be a cousin and a niece as well. 

      I love my family so much. I love how crazy we are, and how much we really look out for each other. I love our dads don't yell at their own kids but all the other ones and then harass the heck out of the ones that aren't in trouble. I love that our moms just roll their eyes and laugh as the dads turn back into brothers. I love that the older cousins get dirtier than the younger cousins when we are running around the house. I love that everyone bugs the new boyfriend/girlfriend. I love that the babies get handed around to every member of the family. I love when I get picked up and hung upside-down over banisters even though I'm twenty years old. Yes, I love my family and being with them at the Baptism really shows how deep our faith is especially when we are with each other. Faith is what grounds us, and it shows when the whole family comes together for the Sacraments....even if we go crazy at the "after Church party."

      I love my little baby cousin, Emily. I can't stop smiling at the picture my Aunt and Uncle gave me yesterday. She's beautiful and so stinking cute. I can't wait to see her all the time and love her up! While I got to spend a good amount of time with her yesterday morning, she crashed after the Baptism, giving me more time to spend with her brothers and sisters and our cousins. Some of my favorite moments yesterday were: Maria, who's 14 months old, passing out on the floor and sleeping the day away; Charlie, who's 4, grabbing my hand and then smacking me in the forehead with his other hand that was covered in Holy Water as we left the church; Chris, who's my Dad's God-son, getting punched in the eye which then resulted in me "trying to fix the eye" and my Dad chasing his brother who threw the punch (who happened to be Emily's God-father....); and Albert, who's 5, eating and hiding his cookies from the cookie monster who happened to be Uncle Larry. I just love my family so much. Enjoy the pictures!

She slept through the whole thing!

Posing...because we got kicked out of the other picture.

COUNT THE KIDS!

Yeah...my uncle's a hunter?

See what I mean by crazy....

....it runs in the family. 

I took his picture first!

She was a little jealous....

Then there was this kid who kept trying to get in our picture and no one knew who she was at all.....but she did tell me she liked my "Fairy God-Mother shoes."

We're Greek Now....HOOPAH!

    Any sister will tell you that FAMILY plays a huge part in one's vocation. And I can tell you that my family, especially the extended part on my Dad's side. My dad, you see, grew up in the HOLIEST OF HOLIES family with eleven children: ten boys, one girl (my poor aunt). My grandmother, a very stubborn, IRISH woman, made EVERYONE pray the Rosary every night after supper and go to Mass every SUNDAY! Yeah, she rocks! Too bad, I never met her and I seriously wish I knew what she was like, if she'd support me in my vocation and such. But I guess she lives through her sons and daughter who openly support me! They have shaped me into the person I am today. 

    First things first, it's always an adventure when the Gutherman family gets together. Our adventurous day started with one too many persons than seats in our LARGE van. Someone had to sacrifice...and since I need to practice sacrificing, it was me. No, I didn't stay home. No, I didn't share a belt. No, I didn't ride in the trunk. And no, I didn't ride the roof racks. Instead, I merely sat on the floor. I know, dangerous. I just tend to live life on the risky side at times. Today was one of those times. 

     Anyway, we finally get to the farm, my absolute, all-time favorite house to visit. As a kid, there was so much room to run around and there was the tire swing. As an older kid, there is still so much room to run around and the tire swing is still there. I can't tell you HOW MANY BONES HAVE BEEN BROKEN ON THAT THING. Anyway, I love the smell of the farm, the look of the farm, the sounds of the farm. EVERYTHING ABOUT THE FARM. I just love it. We walked into the quiet little farm and it was very obvious we were the first cousins to arrive. However, as soon as we got there, all the other cousins started filing in and we started shouting HOOPAH for no reason. We aren't even Greek; we're German. Every uncle was picking up every cousin and hugging them and shaking them about. You had to go through a receiving line of family members before you could even get to the food. It was great!!!

     After we all prayed together, everyone ate, and kids ran around. I ate the most beautiful chili in the world, and then ran after my million little cousins. You see out of 27...28....29 cousins, I fall ninth in line. So everyone is littler than me...or shall I say, younger since I'm only five foot. I was pushing the tire swing, riding the tire swing, giving piggy back rides, feeding kids, playing manhunt, going barn exploring, you know, normal stuff for an older cousin. Some of my little cousins I haven't seen in years and others I saw just a few days ago. That's just how the family works. 

     As we played and took numerous pictures (check them out on my facebook), I once again imagined my life a few years down the road, visiting the family party, not with kids of my own, but with a veil and habit. I'd bring one of my kid loving nun friends and we would play all day with the kids. And Lord knows this is most likely VERY accurate. Even the little ones were joking today, Sister Becca, where's your veil? Too cute for words.

     Like I said, my family shaped my vocation, by openly supporting me as the FIRST NUN IN THE FAMILY (YAY!) and asking me for my story. It must be so weird to hear the part of my story where their name comes into play. We laugh about it and carry on the story. Today, I was telling my Aunt Angie a bit of the story and she told me that she was taught by the same sisters as I was in high school but in Chicago. She told me she spent every waking moment with them and really thought she wanted to be a nun. But she correctly discerned the vocation and somewhere along the way met my crazy Uncle Paul. And thank God she did, because she doesn't even know how much of a HUGE influence she is on my life and my vocation!! 

    Family is so important to me. Especially this family. I can't thank God enough for them because they have been more than I could ever ask for. It's the biggest support group out there for a girl like me. With 20 aunts and uncles, almost thirty cousins, and some second cousins, it's a crazy but functioning family who would do anything for me and I in return for them. I've been so blessed.