We Are Family

Current Facebook Status: Can't wait to make pancakes with my AE for Holy Family Day.
Current Tweet: Blogging it up about the Holy Family #yourhomeismyhome

   I have decided that there is no better way to celebrate a feast day than with the community who celebrates it. I've done it on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception and now, on the Feast of the Holy Family. It just so happened that the sister who runs a summer retreat program every year (this year, I got to help!), invited us all back for the Feast; Mass and visiting and Breakfast. And so, at 8:30 I found myself en route to the convent; a drive I don't have to think about; my heart just takes me there.
   As I walked into the Chapel where we spent every morning of our retreat, even as a student helper-outer, so many memories came flooding back. Especially of our last day when tears streamed down my face after knowing in my heart that this is where I belonged; among this family. As the sisters prayed and I knelt listening to their voices, I recalled those moments of pure comfort. I joined those memories with thoughts of the Holy Family. Mary, Joseph and Jesus; all they had were each other. When I'm with the sisters; all I have is them. I don't have any worries, no anxieties, nothing at all. They are my family.
    My reflection on the Holy Family continued with Father's homily during which he said, "Just as Mary, Joseph and Jesus had themselves as family, we must take each one of our sisters as family. We must feel like family here." And yes, as tears built up in my eyes, I knew; these sisters are my family. I am treated like family; like the little sister. And no matter what part of the community I visit, I feel loved like family.
   After Mass, we went upstairs to visit the older sisters who can not necessarily join us for Mass whether from age or sickness. We sang Christmas carols for them which made my heart leap for joy. I hadn't sung in a while and when one of my favorite sisters requested my favorite Christmas song, I almost cried. I sang for her with my friends and the other sisters with us with all my hear. Seeing the sisters smile at our quick little visits was enough for me to know, once again, how perfect I felt there.
    After Mass and visiting, the sisters and the other girls and I went over to make breakfast which consisted of the most deluxe pancake bar I had ever seen. There was fruit, chocolate chips, cinnamon, sugar. You name it, we put it in our pancakes. As we cooked and worked together, it was easy for me to imagine what it would be like five, ten, twenty years down the line cooking together with these sisters and with the girls that I taught in school. It was easy to feel right at home and among family.
    The whole spent celebrating the Feast with the sisters was so perfect. While it was a smaller celebration for us, it was still a celebration of the family we have become and the family I've made with the sisters. And so, as I reflect on the HOLY FAMILY, I am grateful and ever blessed for the holy family I have among me. How many more years, AE?

I Know My Call...

"I know my call despite my faults, and despite my growing fears. But I will hold on hope. I'll find strength in pain. I'll know my name as it's called again."

- Mumford and Sons

     As I walked up the front steps in just my wool sweater, I thought, the first thing I'll hear when I walk through the door is, "Where is your coat, young lady?" And as the front door swung open without my having to ring the bell, what was I greeted with but, "Where is your coat, young lady?" I couldn't help but laugh. No, I wasn't visiting my Mommom; I was visiting my nun. Yep, she's pretty much my grandmother. 

     Walking up the front steps was nothing new for me; It's something I've been doing for about five years and it never ceases to bring such a happy smile to my face. This was a place I called home so many times. And even as we prepared lunch in the kitchen, the sisters said, "You know where things belong better than we do sometimes." It's true, that kitchen is my favorite place in the whole house. I've often said that the best discernment is done in the kitchen, by cooking, eating and cleaning with each other; the sisters seem to satisfy that desire of mine. It might have to do with my Italian heritage, but I simply find the best conversation is done over a meal. Anyway, today, I was home. 

    My nun, my best friend, my dearest sister, my mama penguin, all of the above and more, invited me over (finally) for a long chat and lunch. Oh how I've missed her. It was our chance to finally catch up after so many months. Even though when I visit my high school, I see her, I don't get the chance to catch up and so, there was a lot of catching up to do. I told her all that had happened, all that was happening and all that should be happening. And she did the same for me!! Of course, then we had lunch together at my favorite table. 

    You see, there's the kitchen and then there's the dining room. I love the dining room, but the kitchen is my favorite. There's a little table in there that supposedly seats four, but really, however many you want. No matter what time of day you walk into the kitchen there is always someone at the table and always coffee in the pot. It's the congregating place of the house and without a doubt, there's always a small nun party going on. And that's exactly what we walked into; a nun party. We had lunch with so many sisters who came in and out, and it was just like home. People coming and going and eating and cooking and talking and washing and drying. Sitting around the table, I felt right at home; like I belonged. When I looked down, I half expected myself to be wearing a habit, it felt so perfect. 

    After lunch, me and my nun when to the Chapel, not only to pray, but to clean! I was so excited to be cleaning Chapel, that the sisters must have thought there was something wrong with me. But truthfully, back in High School, I would catch my nun every Friday cleaning, and I would sneak in to pray until she asked me to help her. It became such a ritual and it's part of the reason she and I became so close. You see, she was the first sister I ever told I was thinking about being a sister. And from that moment during my Sophomore year, she quietly prayed for and encouraged me. She never once pressured me into choosing a lifestyle, but rather opened my eyes to her lifestyle.   I spent more time with her talking about my fears and joys and dreams than I had with any other sister. She was the reason I started visiting the convent and she's the reason I keep coming back. While she wasn't the first nun in my life, she is certainly the most influential. Truly, if it wasn't for her, I'd still be trembling in fear of the very idea of entering religious life. I never would have explored the vocation, or be nearly as outspoken about it as I am now. She is the type of sister we all look back to; the sister who opened our eyes and ears to the call. There are so many sisters I know now because of her, and while she is probably reading this now, humbly thinking, not me, it's all true. Many say they don't know where they would be without a certain person, but I know where I'd be; not here and not nearly as close to God. And even though she doesn't know this, sometimes when I want to give up on this vocation and tell God, the deal is over, I think of her smile and her joy and think, "Yeah, that's the life I want." Because "I know my call despite my faults, and despite my growing fears. But I will hold on hope. I'll find strength in pain. I'll know my name as it's called again." And she is my hope. 

A Reason to be here...

          For the first time in over three months, I went back to my home Parish for Mass. Out of the three times I’ve been home from school, I haven’t gone to Mass at my Parish; I’ve gone with the sisters. Even when I’m home during breaks, I don’t go to my own Parish for a plethora of reasons. The main reason is that I find I can’t focus when I’m home. Between sitting with my little sisters and giggling through the whole Mass to seeing the large amount of parishioners that literally line up to talk to me about a various list of topics stemming from school, to discernment, to Scripture. Gee whiz, I’m flattered really, but I need to focus on my Jesus. Another reason is that sometimes going to my home Parish is too painful for various reasons, and instead of being reminded of those memories, I prefer to church hop. But alas, today there was not nearly enough energy in my system to church hop and I had already spent two full days with the sisters (not that either party would have minded…just my family), and I found myself sitting in a side pew, trying my hardest to be incognito about being home.

            As I knelt there, I attempted to focus but I was once again too distracted by the sea of familiar faces and the sometimes painful memories. In desperation, I merely said, “Jesus, why am I here. Give me a reason to be here.” Now I must tell you, it’s not a secret that my Boyfriend loves me, but sometimes He likes to teach me patience. Today, however, He delivered ASAP.

            If you’ve ever spoken with a Vocation Director, he or she may have told you to pay close attention to the Scriptures because that is Jesus’ love letter to us. Some days I find it easy to listen intently to Scripture but I often have those mornings where I’m still half asleep when I’m at Mass. Today, thank goodness, I was wide awake, or I would have missed JC’s message to me.

            First, the first reading was from the book of Wisdom. One line in particular spoke to me saying, “Those who wait for her at dawn will not be disappointed.” I felt as if Scripture was talking about me. You see, as a college student, it’s not normal to get up at the crack of dawn when classes don’t start for another two, sometimes three hours. Yet, the dawn is my time with JC. I’ve always loved sunrises and JC sure does paint a beautiful picture for me every morning. For He who waits for me every morning at dawn, I will not disappoint.

            Second, for the first time, I heard the new assistant priest give a homily. At first I was confused because I had never seen him before. Ever. But my little sis insisted he had been there a while. And so, after the initial confusion, I sat intently and tried to listen as closely as possible. However, my little sis, like me, sometimes doesn’t know when to stop talking and so, we had our own conversation. Suddenly, she stopped dead in the middle of a sentence to say, “Becky, did you hear that?” and before I could ask what she was talking about, I heard it: “…Holy Family of Nazareth.” I was literally blown away. You see, not only was the Homily (I soon learned) about the love of the Holy Family of Nazareth, the Sisters of the Holy Family of Nazareth is one of the few communities I’ve explored in my discernment, but they are also the community I was “raised” by and within which I find so many of my best friends.

            And so, in response to my, “Jesus, give me a reason o be here,” He answered, “…Holy Family of Nazareth.” Perhaps it was nothing short of a sign from JC to set me in the right direction. Or maybe it was the sign that I needed to LOVE even more and in that LOVE be open to GOD’s plan for me, not my own plan. Regardless, I’m still head over heels in love with my Jesus. He has truly captured my heart and I am His.