Pilgrimage (The Catholic Version of a Music Festival) Pt. 1

"If music be the food of love, play on."

- Twelfth Night, Shakespeare

      Most recently there has been plenty of articles about going to music festivals. There's the pre-festival hype, the "how you know you survived (enter name here) music festival," and the post-festival blues. While I've never experienced going to a music festival as huge as Glastonbury or Coachella, I participated in a walking pilgrimage this weekend and based on what Buzzfeed has to say, they are basically the same thing. Only a pilgrimage has way home to offer. 

     While I couldn't participate in the entire 3/4 day walking pilgrimage, I was blessed enough to participate in the last day during which I walked just about ten miles. The group with whom I walked started at St. Adalbert's Parish in Port Richmond and walked for three days to the National Shrine of Our Lady of Czestochowa in Doylestown. That's a lot of miles and a lot of walking. People of all ages partook in the pilgrimage from various different places. Overall, there were about 3000 people at the closing mass. The youngest pilgrim was only a few months old and the oldest was 79 years old. There were families, single people, children, babies, and older people. There were people who spoke only Polish and people like me, who didn't understand a single word. Oh, I forgot to mention that 99% of the pilgrimage was in Polish. So, needless to say, that was an interesting part of my journey. 

      As we walked, we prayed, we listened to faith witnesses, we sang, we danced, we praised the Lord. We made friends, sisters and brothers. Despite not being able to speak the main language of the weekend, I was able to connect with so many people. I was surrounded in so much faith and felt closer to those with whom I walked and prayed. I experienced God in a brand new way and it was beautiful. The faith sharing, the pain from walking so far, the getting to know people on a faith level, was beautiful. 

      We made it to the shrine about 12:15pm and we were to celebrate Mass together at 2:00pm. As we were waiting for Mass to begin, we watched the church get filled and packed like sardines. People were every where, even on the altar. I felt that despite never having experienced something to this capacity, I felt like I knew all about it; like I had read about it some where. Then I saw a few girls walk into the church with those weird flower headband things people wear. That's when I realized, I had read all about something similar this pilgrimage. Music festivals are all the rage and the similarities are insane. Here's what I discovered: 

1. Pilgrimages are filled with music, clapping, and dancing. Just like music festivals (duh). People walk with their guitars and play it at the most random times. All the cool kids have one. There's also drums, violins, flutes; you name it, it's there. People just join your walking group with instruments and play right along with whoever is there. Even when you aren't walking and you're sitting for a break, there's music being played somewhere. If someone can't play an instrument or didn't bring one, there's always a voice to be heard. People who can sing, sing and people who can't sing, sing. There's lots of clapping, dancing, and laughing. The only difference between music at a pilgrimage and music at a music festival? We sing hymns instead of pop culture music. 

2. Showering is few and far between. Basically you shower the morning of the pilgrimage, then walk all day only to sleep on a Church hall floor. There's no showers. The next day, same thing. Walk all day, stop at the Church, no showers. Three days of this. If it rains, you're going to get dirty. To keep packing light, you bring maybe two sets of clothes. You're going to smell. You're going to get sweaty. You're going to have terribly stinky feet. Your hair will be knotty, greasy, icky. You're children will be even dirtier because somehow kids always manage to get dirtier when they do the same activities as parents. You're going to have to get comfortable with the fact that everyone stinks after three days. And don't even think about apologizing for your stench. I repeat, everyone stinks. 

*according to my sources pilgrims do shower. I rest my case, however, because there were no showers in the church hall. They get water...somehow!*

3. You're going to get very close with people. At music festivals one typically pitches a tent in a field of tents. You get to know your neighbors pretty quickly because if not, you'll forget where your tent is. On a larger scale, pilgrimages do encourage you to pack a tent or a hammock. The truth is on a walking pilgrimage, one is never really sure where he or she will be sleeping. In this case, people were camped out on church hall floors. EVERYONE WAS IN ONE ROOM. That's right, babies, kids, parents, single people, everyone. Imagine getting some sleep after a very long day of walking. By day three, you're bound to be exhausted. 

4. You make friends in the most unique ways. In many cases, music festivals bring together people from every language and culture. Pilgrimages, too. Now while this pilgrimage was mostly a Polish pilgrimage, there were still people of many different cultures represented. People say the universal language is love. Most times I agree. But this weekend, there were two universal languages: coffee and God. And since God is love, well I guess the universal language was LOVE. Truth is. It doesn't matter, it didn't matter what language I spoke. People were grabbing my hands, dancing, singing and talking with me whether I understood them or not. You learn how to communicate despite a language barrier (I had a personal translator though which was fun. Thanks, Sister!). The people you walk with are suddenly your sisters and brothers. They hug you, kiss you, make you dance and sing and feel like a complete fool for Jesus. It's amazing. 

5. You are forever changed. A pilgrimage changes you. Whether you walked because you wanted to, someone invited you, or you were basically fighting the Lord and someone dragged you along, you will be changed. You will not be able to recognize your feet after a few days. I kid you not. Your feet will probably be covered in bandages, gold bond and have a number of blisters. You will have terrible tan lines, too. Especially if you're a nun. Talk about only have tan wrists, ankles and ears (but only half way). Your feet, face and hands will be so physically changed. But don't worry, it's only temporary. Your heart will change, too. You will feel a peace, joy and excitement like never before. There is nothing more beautiful to me than a group of people singing, dancing and chanting praise to the Lord. At music festivals you experience the praise and worship of various different rockstars. At pilgrimage, you experience the praise and worship of the ultimate rockstars: Jesus and Mary. Your heart will unknowingly be changed by the sacrifices, the witnesses, the homilies, the sacraments. Your soul will become closer to Jesus and there's no question about it. You will feel this indescribable joy rising in your soul with every drum beat, every clap, every footstep. It feels like a thousand drum beats rising in your soul. It's amazing. 

And finally...

6. You will experience a post-pilgrimage depression. The whole time you are walking, you are walking on public streets and pathways. People driving or walking by will think you are crazy. Yet, as you are walking, you wave and think about those crazy people who do not yet know the truth of the Lord's goodness. Why aren't they joining us? you think. And just when you think that, people run and join the back of the pilgrimage. Your whole life for however many days was simply music, joy, peace, prayer, love behind all description. When you leave, reality hits you hard. You must learn to communicate in a normal way. You will experience a reverse culture shock when you go home. Living your day to day life for Jesus will be difficult again because you are no longer surrounded by people who sing and dance and pray. And as much as you might like to do that all the time, basic reality says, not exactly. However, there are plenty of ways to infiltrate your pilgrimage experience in your every day life. I promise; life after pilgrimage exists. 

     Pilgrimages aren't exactly like Musical Festivals, but the sentiments that people feel when they go to one are similar. I encourage each Catholic young person, child and old person alike to do a pilgrimage. Whether it's a day, three days, two weeks, whatever, do it. Music Festivals are great but here at pilgrimage, there is God. Jesus is present, He permeates this place. He lives and breathes and is so real. You can feel the arms of our loving Mother around you in every hug and embrace. You experience beauty in a whole different way. It's amazing. 

     Of course, the truth is that whether you experience a walking pilgrimage like I did or not, you are a pilgrim. We are pilgrims on a journey from the day of our Baptism. Our life is a journey in finding, loving and living in relationship with Jesus. Our walk from our pews to the altar during Holy Communion is a pilgrimage. It is a reminder that as we live and breathe we are journeying with Jesus.  So journey. Get those good shoes (sandals and socks) on and begin living out your journey for Jesus. You're on the journey, just out your heart in it. Trust me, my sister or brother, pilgrimage is an experience like no other. 

SEARCH and Find

"I think you travel to search and you come home to find yourself there."

- Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

The SEARCH VII team huddles for a prayer before giving the retreatants their retreat crosses.

    Weeks and weeks of planning had gone into actually executing the plan. The closer we got to the dates of the retreat, the more nervous anxiety welled up within. The week before we had planned to leave for the retreat, each day I spent fighting the tears of anxiety welling up inside. I knew that anything could tip me off and make me cry. The thing that I did eventually cry about? Misplacing candlesticks. Trust me, it was an emotional roller coaster of a few weeks. But maybe before I jump right in the middle, I should start at the beginning.

     One Sunday night, after Mass, Sister Cathy had asked me to come in for work study...she never asks me to come in on a Monday morning. But alas, it was agreed that I would sacrifice my post-Mass morning nap to go to work study. When I sluggishly walked into the office, one of my best friends, Theresa, was sitting in the chair in her office. I suddenly felt like I crashed a party because for the first time I forgot to see if anyone was in her office before I walked in. As I started to walk out, Sister told me to take the other seat in her office. Then I knew I wasn't interrupting anything, but rather that I was being ambushed. I wasn't sure what was about to happen but Sister was super serious as she said, "I have a question for both of you." We looked at each other, I was terrified, Theresa was just awkward and giggly. So we nodded and encouraged her to ask away. That's when she asked us both to be head team for the annual SEARCH retreat offered to students at IU. We both said yes.

      The next few weeks were filled with "I should have said no..." "I can't really do this..." "I am definitely not good at this stuff..." aka lots of doubt that Sister choose the wrong person. Yet, I knew God was somewhere in this. I remembered often back to the SEARCH IV retreat I made as a Freshman. I remembered back a year ago to the SEARCH VI retreat I helped lead. I reflected on the journey I was taking now. SEARCH for me had always been and always will be a journey of love - giving it and receiving it. It is often so easy for me to love others - I can love so many without hesitation. When it comes to receiving love, however, I struggle. I struggle a lot. There's a belief in oneself that must occur in order to be able to receive love. Often, it's a belief that one is worth another's love. That's my SEARCH story. And every week when we met, whether it was as just the head team or the entire team of leaders, I thought of that. I thought about how I never actually opened up about my SEARCH story...nope, not until I confessed it at our leader retreat.

       A few weeks before the actual retreat, the leaders got together for a weekend retreat of our own. It was a whirlwind of reflecting on questions, reading talks, eating lots of food and praying for our future retreatants. Over the past few weeks our group had grown intensely close and we had been able to share our personal stories. I'm not sure what question sparked the discussion this time around but it had to deal with Living the Fourth but suddenly three of us were crying. We were sharing stories and that's when I began to tell everyone of my struggle with love. 

      Suddenly weeks became days before the retreat. I don't necessarily stress about things, I'm used to dysfunction as someone might say, but I was stressed about SEARCH this time around. Perhaps all my fears were coming in full force. As I walked into the Motherhouse Portress office on the night before we left for SEARCH, the council was gathered waiting to leave for something. That's when Sister William Therese opened her arms for me and gave me the hug I needed. That's when I cried a little. Me, the girl who doesn't cry in front of anyone, was suddenly crying in the Portress Office. I was worried but I was reminded by those nunnies that I love so much, that truly everything is in God's hands and He has all control. 

      Fast forward to Friday afternoon at 4:30 pm in Lourdes Security. No longer was I worried. The time had come and there was nothing I could do about it. So, I wrapped my bandana bow in my hair, pulled up the mom van to the circle and began to drum up the excitement in the room well...hallway. By the time we were in the car getting ready to go, I was blaring the SISTER ACT soundtrack with my new SEARCH Sisters, Brittany, Madison and Jennifer. We belted out all the words as we drove down the turnpike. I didn't need the directions because the way to Gretna Glen was carved in my heart and when we pulled into the drive, I was more than excited. 

     I think I cried more this SEARCH than any other. That's not to say the others didn't affect me as much, but it's to say that this SEARCH came at a time when I really needed it. I was reaffirmed in my own self-worth, I was able to believe that I was a little bit loveable, and I gained a whole new SEARCH family. I think the hardest part came at the end when Sister Cathy put my new SEARCH cross around my neck. I almost cried in front of everyone. And then, I turned to Theresa who was crying. *cue waterworks*. There was a moment when I was so tempted to snuggle up to Sis while we sat and reflected at AGAPE, but she was so precious with her eyes closed and face so full of peace. I didn't want to scare her. 

     Of course, there were plenty of hilarious moments where I was roaring laughing so hard my stomach hurt like when James ate that apple off the floor during his skit, or when Sis freaked out the second morning I woke her up, or when we made Jen sleep in the hallway, or when Dan the Cabin Man found out his nickname, or every time we clapped when Sis (Tyra Banks) entered the room or when Theresa, Jen and I laughed so hard we snorted. So many memories were made, so many tears were shed, so many laughs were had and so many pictures were taken. When I say that SEARCH was my saving grace this year, I mean it. I needed it more than I can even describe. 

     When I think back to all the doubt I had about Sister asking me to be a head team leader, I still wonder why on earth she asked me. But, I also can't thank her enough because truly it was what I needed. Maybe she knew, even months before that I was going to need this reminder of love. Maybe God had it in His plans all along. While the struggle to getting to SEARCH VII was a long and hard one, I truly needed it. I have tears of gratitude running down my face now as I write. I'm on a SEARCH journey of giving and receiving love. Oh I wish it wasn't so late, otherwise I'd probably knock on Sis' door and ask her for a hug. I guess that's what work study is for tomorrow. Thanks SEARCHERS of SEARCH VII for helping me more than you can even imagine.To my fellow leaders, thanks for carrying me through this journey of realization of self worth. To Sis, just thanks for everything. Can I have a hug tomorrow?