"Even though I walk through the valley
of the shadow and of death,
I shall not be afraid.
For You
are
always
with me."
- Psalm 23
This morning, I was sitting in Chapel right before Mass looking at all the beautiful women who surrounded me. Thoughts filled my heart and mind about how each and every single one of them is beautiful in their own way. I began thinking of how when I was little I had this image of the "perfect nun" in my mind. Every time I was see this "perfect nun," my heart would fill with joy. As I grew older, my world opened up to the fact that each and every single Sister, whether I saw her praying in Chapel, talking with students or simply reading a book, was beautiful. This morning, I began to formulate a beautiful blog about beautiful Sisters. But then God put something else on my heart.
Mental Illness is something that affects almost 27% of our US population ages 18 and above (NIH Statistic). That's about 1 out of every 4 people we know. Suicide is the tenth leading cause of death across the board and the third leading cause of death among young Americans (15-24) (AAS Statistic). One time, in college, I did a family health history project for my family. The idea behind it was to prove the statistics in the book that explained what our risks were. Many mentioned in the text were obesity, heart failure, cancer, etc. When I did my extended family health history, I was more at risk for mental illness that any of the other leading risks. Friends, this hits close to home for me.
Almost three and a half years ago, I lost one of my childhood friends. I remember the day clear as if it was yesterday. I was walking to my afternoon poetry class with S. Marcille when I got a phone call from my mom. My mom never calls me unless something is wrong, she usually just texts me. So, right away I knew something wasn't right. I answered the phone only to hear her sobbing on the other end. After a few minutes, she finally told me the news. After telling her I loved her, I hung up and forced myself to go to class. I sat for an hour and a half numb. Just numb. I wanted to cry but it hadn't fully hit me yet that I was never going to see my friend again. After class, Sister pulled me aside to check up on me. At that point, I was a baby Freshmen and still pretty intimidated by this beautifully intelligent woman. I was sure that she was pulling me aside to talk about the horrible paper I had handed in the week before or something, but that was far from her mind. Because I hadn't come to terms with the news yet, I simply told her I had gotten bad news from home. She requested I stop in the office the next day and when I did, that's when I finally broke down and sobbed hysterically.
Like I said, losing her happened almost three and a half years ago. However this wasn't my first interaction with mental illness and it certainly wasn't my last. I have been surrounded by it all my life whether with my family, friends or students. I have never been a stranger to mental illness and yet, this is something I have always kept inside. I have been told that often I love too many people too much. I never believed there was such a thing. But that being said, so many I love have experienced mental illness in so many different capacities. And you know what really stinks? Being the one person who doesn't know what it's like to have the mind of a person affected by bipolar disorder, depression or anxiety. But the beauty of that, is that I still understand.
Mental Illness is something I have learned to literally despise. I hate seeing what it does to people, to those I love. I hate seeing the destruction it does not only to those people but to the people who love them. I hate it. I've seen the pain on people's faces, the pain they don't even realize they are experiencing. I've seen heartache, the heartache that people don't know they don't deserve. I've seen so much of it and trust me when I say, I have done my fair share of staying up all night worrying about those I love whether near or far. But worry doesn't do nearly as much as loving.
There's not a single thing I could do for those people that I love who suffer from mental illness medically. I am no trained doctor, I am no trained psychologist; I never will be. I am no trained guidance counselor, I am no trained therapist; I have not those skills. But there is one thing I can do: love them through the hurt. As the created of God, we are made to love and be loved. Many of those suffering from mental illness don't know what it means to be loved, because often they don't have the capacity to believe they could be loved. But I can love. I can love them through the hurt and the pain. I can pray out of my undying love for them. I can remind them, no matter how many times I say it and it is not believed, that I love them so much.
When I think of Mental Illness, I see a monster that just destroys so much. But I also see a love, a love that has already conquered all and will continue to do so; Jesus's love. While I know I can truly and honestly do nothing but listen and love and be there as a friend for those suffering from Mental Illness, Jesus...Jesus can love so much more. We all have a responsibility when it comes to Mental Illness. We are not responsible for being a therapist or doctor or psychologist, but rather we are responsible for encouraging those we love to get the help they need. We have a responsibility to love those who are hurting. We are responsible for trusting in Jesus' everlasting and ever-conquering love.
As I write this, the mental list I have of those I know who have and who still do suffer from Mental Illness gets longer and longer. As I write this, the list of people I love gets longer and longer. I have been blessed in escaping the great hereditary risk of Mental Illness in my family and I thank God everyday for that blessing because of the effects I have seen. And I thank God, truly, for the blessing of being able to love each and every single one of those I know affected by Mental Illness. For truly, I know that, without His love, I couldn't love. He is always loving, loving through, with and past the pain. He is always here.
If you or anyone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts,
please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at
1-800-273-TALK
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