Chosen and Called By Name - Graduation

"Hmmmm, I wanna linger.

Hmmmm, a little longer, 

here with you."

- "Linger" 

Photo Credit: Marianthi Bousses

     It is a day so many wait for anxiously while others wish the day never to arrive only because it means good-bye. For me and most of my friends, Graduation was a day that both excited us and scared us. We were stuck in between crying from pure joy and crying from sadness. After four years of working our tail feathers off, we were finally ready to say, "We did it." Yet, there is always the fear of what the future brings that looms over. However, I found comfort in Isaiah 43:1 : "Fear not; I have called you each by name. You are mine."

     At every commencement there is a speaker. This year, we were blessed to have Ed Herr, President of the Herr's Food Company (you know, the potato chip guy) speak. Having been to the past two graduations at IU, I have heard my share of graduation speeches. However, I can say that Mr. Herr, by a landslide, was my favorite. His theme was "loving people like crazy." He shared many stories of his parents, what they had done, how the company had started, and even some beautiful stories of him and the kids growing up. At the end of each story, he said, "that's how you love people like crazy." I felt that resonate within me so incredibly because truly, I love people and I would go to any length to let each person I love, know that I love them so much. Even yesterday after commencement someone was joking as I shouted I love you to a plethora of nuns, "you love everyone." Yes, I do. But I love each person so uniquely. I remembered as Mr. Herr was speaking that it is my calling - to go forth and set the world on fire with love. 

     I kept thinking all during commencement, as I was surrounded by my family and friends, how I know one thing about my future is certain: I am meant to love and serve the Lord with all my heart and soul. I have no idea where in the world He will call me to, or who I will be with, but I know wherever I go, with whomever I go, it will be for Him. And all of this will be done through love - loving people like crazy. Of course, as I was sitting there thinking about all of this, I had many fears and doubts cross my mind. That's when I remembered Isaiah 43. FEAR NOT. 

      Suddenly, I was getting up from my seat and following the line of students preparing to graduate. As I walked onto the stage, faculty members and sisters were waving and blowing kisses to me as I passed them. I was even paying more attention to Sister Eileen that I almost missed giving Patty Canterino my name card. Suddenly, it was happening, I was being "called by name" across the stage to receive my diploma from Sister Lorraine, the chair of the board of trustees (and also the famous sister in my most recent sister selfie). She shook my hand, I hugged her, and continued my walk across the stage. On the other side were more sisters and professors holding their hands out to me as I passed for high fives. The Sisters were waving as my number one fans and in the background of this all happening, I could hear my family screaming and cheering despite the fact that Sister Jo asked the crowd not to do that. I could hear loud and clear, "I HAVE CALLED YOU BY NAME. YOU ARE MINE." 

      Just as I felt incredibly "chosen and precious" by God during our Baccalaureate Mass, I was feeling, "chosen and called by name" at Graduation. There is no denying that God has called each of us onto bigger and better things. Each of us had our names literally called at Graduation yesterday and there is no coincidence that God was in each of those name readings. Whether we realized it or not, we are all part of God's plan. Somehow He's got the "mess" we call life all figured out. I've got to trust in that. 

     How beautiful it was to see Isaiah 43 put into action during Graduation. I truly felt that there was no need to fear because God literally called me by name that day. I felt the intense feeling of being wholly His as I smiled at all those who had supported me throughout my four years at Immaculata. I felt so incredibly ready to take on the adventure God has planned for me. Even now as I write, I'm excitedly awaiting the rest of my life. Simply thinking about all the amazing things I know God has planned for me excites the fire within. That fire has been burning for a while....and now, it's time to go forth and set the world on fire by loving people like crazy. 

      After commencement, my friends and I gathered on our "back porch" and took a ton of pictures. Of course, I had a bucket list of nuns I needed pictures with. I had some incredibly precious ones of my number one mentors and closest "big sisters." In fact, the not so serious, very candid ones are my favorite. They are the definition of my relationship with these crazy Sisters. While it was easy to see most of the Sisters, since they were all ready outside and willing to be beautifully photogenic, there was one picture that required special access to the VIP section of the cafeteria. With one snapshot, the bucket list was completed. I felt like an incredibly blessed graduation princess. With all the pictures and moments captured, I truly felt God's smiling face looking down on all of us. 

      God has chosen each of us, He has called us by name and He has claimed us as His. Fear not. God is good and I know He has given me a flame inside to go forth and set the world on fire. 

Chosen and Precious - Baccalaureate Mass

"Behold I am laying a stone in Zion, 

a cornerstone, chosen and precious."

- 1 Peter 2:6

     On Tuesday morning I found myself driving the oh so familiar drive to Immaculata. There were no students about as the semester had ended for the Summer last Monday and the hallways were quiet. I walked the familiar walk to the music hall where I had often spent time practicing for one thing or another. I couldn't stand the silence that surrounded me in the building. But before I knew it, I was back to making noise. I was lucky enough to get to spend three hours practicing for Baccalaureate with Sister Regina. 

     Yes, for three hours both in the music hall and in the chapel at Villa Maria H of S, we practiced every single piece for Baccalaureate Mass. Sister handed me my binder and told me I had a few days left to practice. Cue nerves. I ended my day, as I end most if not all visits to the noble hill, with a visit to Sister Cathy. Truly it would have been an incomplete day without seeing my Sister Sunshine. 

     The week went by quickly and before I knew it, I was once again in the car, traveling the familiar way to IU. This time, however, I had to keep telling myself to keep it together. I was more nervous than I had ever been before. I'm not a music major, but I have always loved to sing. At IU, I was blessed to be a cantor for Mass for the past four years. That led to me being the cantor for our Baccalaureate Mass. While I may always seem to have all my ducks in a row when I'm singing, I am actually terrified out of my mind. However, I grew used to the congregation at IU, which usually consisted of my friends and some nunnies, and singing there wasn't nearly as bad. Today, however, I would be singing in front of my class, many of whom had no idea I sing, their families, and of course, the nunnies. Something about that Chapel, which usually always has me at peace, terrified me. Maybe it was the strong acoustics, maybe it was the amount of the people in the congregation, I don't know. Regardless, I knew I was scared out of my mind. My hands were so jittery I could hardly hold my binder. However, the moment the music began, I looked out at the people, saw all my best friends, saw my family AND saw all my nunnies. 

      A singer always knows that she must find a spot in the room to look so as to not see a particular person and get emotional. However, as a cantor one must find a few spots because she must always "use her eyes to invite the people in to sing," at least that's what they told me when I was younger. So, I found a Sister in every section of the chapel. Suddenly, the jitters were gone and when I looked up at the crucifix behind me really quickly, I knew I was going to be okay. Everything came as if I was born singing those hymns, that psalm and that tortuous alleluia verse that we had to re-write twice. I wasn't nervous anymore because I realized I was no longer singing for any particular person in that Chapel, I was singing for the greater glory of God. I was happy. I closed my eyes and sang, feeling so incredibly free. 

      Of course, something else that comes with the worries of being a cantor or in a choir is Communion. At school, the choir and the organist always received Communion before we sang the Communion hymn. For Baccalaureate, the choir received Communion during the song. Then there was me. Before Mass, we had planned it all out that I would receive Communion after the song. And so, as I was at the lectern singing, I felt the fear of being forgotten for Communion. But then I saw Sister Carol tap the Deacon and remind him that I needed to be taken care of. I smiled and waited for the end. However, when I went around the side to receive the Eucharist, I realized, as Jesus was being put back in the Tabernacle, that my fear had come true. And so with a very heavy heart, I went back to my seat in the choir. I tried so incredibly hard not to cry and told myself that I needed to keep it together. 

      As I was sitting in the choir section behind the altar, I kept hearing my name be called. I would look around and there would be no one calling my name. When I say that I had to try really hard not to cry, I'm being so honest. It wasn't a type of cry that I had ever experienced before. My heart actually felt like it burst because I didn't receive my Jesus. I was so upset and yet, I still kept hearing my name being called. Finally, I just let it go. I resolved to say that I would probably get up early on Sunday and go to an early Mass just so I could receive my Jesus. But even as we were singing the Recessional Hymn, my heart was so heavy and I couldn't focus on the harmony piece I was supposed to be singing. When we finished singing, I took a deep breath and began to walk away. But I heard my name being called again. I was beginning to think I was going crazy when I turned around and saw Sister Marita Carmel coming towards me. 

      When she was close enough she asked, "Bec, would you like to go to Communion?" I smiled and felt from the bottom of my heart the "please" that came out of my mouth. She opened the Tabernacle and right there on the altar, I finally received Communion. As she held up the Holy Eucharist before me and said, "the Body of Christ," I was already crying too hard to give an audible, "Amen." When she put the chalice back in the Tabernacle and turned to me, I hugged her so tightly. I let me tears flow freely and she didn't let go. When she did, she took my hands, looked into my eyes and I saw that she was holding back her tears. I hugged her again and thanked her. When we walked off the altar, a group of Sisters was standing there waiting for us. I got so many hugs from all of them and Sister Elaine even said, "Well, Sister Carmel beat the twelve of us who were going to make sure you got Communion." 

       As usual, I was one of the last people to leave the Motherhouse (even my family left before me) and I spent my time taking pictures with Sisters (and Postulants and Novices), including a selfie with the Mother General (see above), hugging my friends and their families, and yes, reflecting on my incredible blessings. As I drove home, I couldn't stop thanking God not only for allowing me to sing with a strong voice during Mass, but also for all the Sisters who were so ready to jump up immediately after Mass and make sure this Becca got her Jesus. I cried not only from being able to be united with my Jesus but also because I had so many spiritual mothers looking out for me. There are so many Sisters who up until the last few weeks of school I wasn't very close with. But in those last few weeks, I was blessed to have what I call, good-bye moments. Whether it was a walk or a chat in a Sister's office or even a hug, I suddenly was getting closer with these Sisters before the end of my time at IU. 

     Sister Carmel and I have shared some signs of peace during Mass, we've taken a selfie, she's given me advice on proper shoes (during Lent), and most recently she was my Sister Captain in Stone Harbor (aka she headed our cleaning team). I didn't really get to know her or she get to know until we were in Stone Harbor. I'm sure she had heard or seen me being my crazy self on campus, but she didn't get to firsthand experience my sass and silliness until then. She, who always wears a somewhat serious face, laughed with me as we accidentally broke curtain rods or made beds inside out. She laughed as I pretended to be a novice with the bed cover. And she laughed when something so incredibly sassy came out of my mouth without pretense. That week, I felt like I got to know Sister Carmel a little better. And while I was grateful for those moments, I am even more so grateful for the moment we shared yesterday. I truly felt that in that moment it wasn't just a hug but rather of two souls meeting. In that moment she was witness to the amount of emotion that comes from the soul being united with the Eucharist. In that moment, I was witness to the devotion of my Sisters. Yes, truly in that moment, we were doubly blessed. 

      Usually in the car I am singing to every song on the radio and changing stations when commercials come on. When I got in the car to drive home, I didn't change the station if a commercial was on or even sing along to any song that was played. I was too wrapped up in my blessings of the day. I was thanking God the entire way home. And as I pulled into good old Croydon, driving over the creek, I looked out my window and saw the most beautiful sunset. There was no question in my mind about feeling chosen and precious by the Lord. Truly, this is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad. 

Sister Mama Mia

"Being a mother is an attitude, not a biological relation."

Robert A. Heinlein

     For many in the United States, today is a day to celebrate Mom. Personally, I think we should celebrate mom every day because honestly, moms are amazing. They do so much for us kiddos everyday. However, what many do not know is that today is Good Shepherd Sunday. In the words of my sister, Mary, that means there's lots of Scripture about sheep. BUT what it also means is that today is National Pray for Vocations Day. While many would never connect the two celebrations of Motherhood and Religious Vocation, I find it extremely fitting. 

     Day one of college, August 2010: little Becca on her own for the first time. She needs the comfort of a gentle mother. Sister Cathy enters to scene and ever since that day, little Becca has been snuggling under the Mother Eagle's wing. Little Becca would join in for prayers and Mass every day with the Sisters. Slowly but surely, the Sisters began to accept that this little college freshman was not leaving anytime soon. Whether the Sisters had Becca in class, saw her walking around campus or simply shared a pew with her two days out of the five day week, the Sisters began to realize that Becca was kind of like their pseudo child. And Becca, well, she kind of forced Pseudo-Motherhood on some of them. 

     Every single day of the school year for the past four years, I have spent most of my mornings with these lovely ladies in blue. We shared many a handshake or hug during the sign of peace, many funny faces at exciting happenings during Mass, and many moments of faith and prayer. But also, there were moments in my days where I would spend time sitting in random offices of the Sisters, laughing, sharing life stories and sometimes even crying. When I was scared or nervous about something, usually they were the first to know. Whenever I had accomplished something great or heard wonderful news, Sis usually found out by a quick facebook message, a knock on the door or even a whisper down the pew. Somewhere in the crowds at play performances, honors convocations, or even in the congregation at Mass, when my family couldn't be there, the Sisters were there. Granted, the Sisters live on campus, but still, I could always count on them to be somewhere in the sea of people. 

      As the years went on and I got older, part of me got smaller, and I definitely got closer with my Sisters. Of course, I think part of that came with the ability to simply be my crazy, silly self with each of them. It was also the ability to be my quiet, gentle self, too. But, of course, it was also the ability to be small. Sometimes all a girl needs is a motherly hug or a walk arm in arm with someone she trusts. I've always been a snuggler and somewhere along the line, some of the Sisters accepted that. As Sister Mary so perfectly put when I accidentally fell asleep on her should around the campfire during our annual bike trip to the beach, "I've known Becca for four years; I'm used to it by now." Thanks again, Sis, for sharing your shoulder. Of course, this isn't the only time this has happened. Apparently, I like to fall asleep in random places. So shout out, to Sister Cathy for my most recent shoulder stealing slumber. 

       The Sisters have been my on campus mothers for the past four years. They have fulfilled every role a mother has for me from being nurse to being confidante to even being best friend and advisor. I've been spoiled really to say that I have so many moms. You see, while none of them have any biological children, they can still be mom to me and so many. In fact, the very notion that they don't have any children, has allowed them to love all who come into their lives and force themselves under wing (like me). One Sister even told me that my graduating is like baby bird finally leaving the nest and the mother birds will eventually experience the empty nest syndrome. 

      The very fact that Mother's Day and National Pray for Vocations Day fell on the same day this year is no coincidence. Always I think of how, while I won't get to have any biological children of my own, I will maybe get to fulfill the role of loving mother to a homesick college student or a first grader having a rough day in the schoolyard like my Sisters have done for so many years. In their own way, they have lived out the motherhood of the Blessed Virgin, "gentle women, quiet lights, morning stars, so strong and bright, gentle mothers, peaceful doves." I see how so many of them embody the spirit of Mary, the first Mama Bear, and I cannot be anymore grateful. Because truly it is through this spirit of living out the life modeled after Mary's gentle heart, that they have been that motherly support for me while I've been away at college. 

      I would be remiss if I didn't say thank you to my many moms who reprimanded me for not wearing a coat in a snowstorm, who checked in on me while I had the flu or strep, who hugged the tears away, who allowed me to snuggle while I fell asleep (although, never in class!!), who gave so much of their time to me by allowing me to sit in their offices and chat. Today is special because it is a gentle reminder to me and it should be for so many, that Sisters have been Mom to so many in the history of women religious. 

      And so, to all the Sisters in my life, especially the Sisters with whom I have spent the past four years, who have been like a mom to me, thank you. To all those I have called mom in some respect, whether it was Mama G, Mama Jamma, Pseudo Mom, Sister Mom or even just MOM, I'm glad you haven't disowned me or thrown me from the nest. Thank you. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to survive now that I have to be an actual adult now, but I guess every baby bird has to fly away from the nest in their lives. On this Mother's day, I thank not only my own Mother, but all the religious who have been mom to me or someone in their lifetime. And, of course, a big shout out to the Blessed Virgin Mama Bear for being my spiritual mother since day one of life. Thank you for sending me your beautiful daughters as my companions on this journey.