"We must practice modesty, not only in our looks,
but in our whole deportment, and particularly in our dress,
our walk, our conversation, and all similar actions."
- St. Alphonsus Ligouri
If you were to randomly walk in my Catholic Social Teaching class today or yesterday or even last week you would probably have some of the following initial thoughts: where is the rest of the class? are there really that many students out sick? why are the lights off? why are they listening to music during prayer? and many more. The rest of my class does not exist; I have a whopping six this quarter. While many teachers may panic at that thought, I have fallen in love with this notion. Usually all six are present, however, it still makes the class seem small. We usually leave the lights off because the sun shines perfectly through the windows; why use extra energy when natural energy is sufficient? And finally, what better way to pray than by praying twice (St. Augustine)? However, also upon walking into my class these past few days, you would have heard conversations concerning the be C word. That's right Chastity. You would have seen it on the board, on our iPads, in our Google Docs and definitely on our lips. Chastity in Social Justice? But of course.
I typically do not post about controversial topics but the Spirit has really been moving me to write about this topic. Besides, I have no qualms preaching the usually unpopular Social Justice views of the Church in my class (maybe it's because they pay me? Just kidding!) so why shouldn't I continue my call to share awareness? Upon first thought, one may not think that Chastity has a place in a Social Justice classroom. One might also think that Humanae Vitae is a Church Document rather suited for college students studying Marriage and Family, not High School students. But each time I assign the 1968 Papal Encyclical written by Pope Paul VI, I am continuously made proud of my students who pull apart the document and summarize and understand it. Today, my students finished reading a part of Humanae Vitae and once again, I was the proud teacher.
Without trying to get too heady, Article 2 of Humanae Vitae addresses various issues permeating our society today such as contraception, IVF, responsible parenthood, marriage. It indirectly leads to conversations about abortion, euthanasia, adoption, and other beginning/end of life issues about which Catholic Social Teaching is concerned. So now, you, in brief, understand why I require my students to read this document. A document which, by the way, I have seen college students struggle with understanding. Last week, I introduced our reading of Humanae Vitae by putting the word CHASTITY on the board. After getting a brief definition from a student, I quickly put a slash through the word and asked for results of a negligence to practicing chastity. The conversation quickly filled up the front board and the entire side board (yes, despite technology permeating the hallways of the school, I still used chalk and subsequently fulfilled my teacher dream of getting chalk all over my pants) with Social Justice issues that stem from a negligence to practicing Chastity. Imagine their surprise when such huge Social Justice issues were connected with such a "simple" topic of Chastity.
My students are aware of the fact that I am 4-5 years older than they are. While many professors would encourage would be teachers to NOT reveal their ages to their students, especially if there is a small age gap, I feel it is necessary for my students to know that I am a part of their generation. There is a comfort in the classroom when it comes to discussing various topics and also, my "young age" stands as proof that it is possible to live a CATHOLIC life and still be normal (a relative description, of course). My favorite part of teaching CST is the beginning of life issues, because so many start with Chastity, a topic so rarely touched in today's society. Why is it my favorite? Well, because being so young and so close in age to my students, I can see the thinking gears going when I mention that Chastity is possible.
As I was preparing for my class today, I was blessed to talk to a good friend's mom on the phone. She is coming to guest speak to my class in two weeks about adoption and we were going over some topics of discussion. I caught her up on what my students will know by the time she comes to visit and somehow, we got to talking about reading Humanae Vitae and practicing Chastity. She mentioned how rare it is that young people hear about the importance of chastity from other young people. We started talking about how women are so much more under attack from the devil because of our vulnerability. While it is true that both man and woman are needed for the creation of a new child, the woman carries the new life. Without her temple, the child could not be born. Eve, a woman (in case you forgot) was targeted before Adam because women are naturally modeled to be more emotionally vulnerable than men. It is a beautiful thing, truly, but the devil knows this to be true and attacks it at any given chance. Today, this is also true. He continues to attack the vulnerability of women. He confuses the minds of young women by falsely showing physical actions as emotional love. He confuses the minds of young women by giving them every "good" reason to neglect the practice of chastity.
I brought this up to my students in class after we finished reading and summarizing Humanae Vitae. Of course, teaching in an all girl school usually means that students are chopping at the bit to discuss feminism at any given chance. Isn't it a feminist argument in talking about being under attack by the devil? I think so. I took advantage of our class today (a true teachable moment) to talk gently about Chastity. Many Catholics grow up with the belief that "sex is bad;" a very Puritan take on relationships. However, the Church believes quite the opposite. Humanae Vitae clearly says that the marital acts between a man and woman are good; procreative and unitive yielding a beautiful marriage. With very logistical reasons, I explained to my students why the Church believes in Chastity and the thinking gears were turning as they began to understand that sex within marriage is a beautiful thing, especially after a life of Chastity is pursued before marriage.
The truth is this: a life of chastity pursued before marriage yields fidelity in a marriage. By one's physical action of waiting for marriage, one proclaims, by his or her body, that the physical gift of self belongs only to the spouse. It proclaims, "I will wait until I verbally give my whole self to you, to give my whole self physically." A practice of chastity before marriage yields greater, more wholesome marriages and families. A practice of chastity leads to true, loving sexual relationships with the purpose of being unitive and procreative. Of course, all of this can be found in Church Documents and Encyclicals. But where is Chastity in society?
Having sex is so often regarded as a right of passage of sorts in relationships. For example, if two people have been in a relationship for six or nine months (or any given amount of time) and not yet have had sex, then something must be wrong, right? Wrong. There is the familiar concept of getting to second and third base and scoring a home run. But why? Does it grind my gears when people ask I've "done anything yet" in my current relationship? Yes. Because quite honestly, yes I've done some things....some things like watch Netflix, go ice skating, hold hands, go out to dinner, go for walks in the snow with my dog, go on wholesome double dates with my ten-year old Sister and her 8 year old boy best friend. But "done anything yet" is said with the indication that is the question is not "what type of dates?" but rather "what level of sexual achievement have you reached?" Why is it so hard to believe that chastity is practiced? Because the devil permeates society by saying that sex is the only way to express love.
My students know how much chastity permeates my heart. It is not only by my personal witness and story telling, but rather my passion in classroom instruction, that they understand the importance of chastity in my own life. In the beginning of the quarter, I start the course by explaining to them that we are Princesses because we share in the royalty of God both because we are made in His image and because He has made use with such great price. God intends us each to be a pearl of great price, not fake gold. (Trust me when I say, pearl earrings cost way more than gold plated sterling silver). God's intent was to make us so beautiful and for each of us to recognize the beauty in each other. I am a pearl and my students are pearls; I am not to treat them like cheap gifts. I am not to treat them less than their true value of Imago Dei and vice versa. The same is implied when it comes to chastity. My students are young women to be treated by young men as the pearls of great price. They are to be treated as true gifts.
I tell my students often that "what you wear and how you act is what you advertise." By their actions and attire they proclaim a price tag. They are pearls of great price but society so often encourages us to cheapen ourselves to a "lesser price." That is the devil after us. He puts false advertisement on sex; there is no disclaimer about the negative effects. The devil falsely proclaims that sex empowers whereas the reality is that chastity empowers. My virginity is a gift I am saving. We wouldn't give a strand of pearls to just anyone, right? If I am called to marriage, that gift is reserved for my husband and it is a gift he will receive only after we say "I do." If I am called to religious life, it is a gift I offer to Jesus and I ask Him to make me fruitful in spiritual ways.
Practicing chastity is not easy and it is a daily prayer of mine. I pray for the ability to remain chaste and for my students to find the beauty in remaining chaste. I tell my students every day that we must be women who, "when we wake up in the morning, the devil says, 'oh crap, she's up.'" By my very prayers for chastity, I am already stomping all over the devil's plan to lessen my price tag. By practicing chastity, we ruin the plans of the devil. If that is not empowering for women, I don't know what is.
Now, I was going to wait until Valentine's Day to share the following with many of you, but I feel this topic lends itself to the story. It is with full understanding that I very much still feel the desire and call to religious life that I was asked out on a date many times my Senior year. It was with that strong desire still permeating my heart that I denied the request for a date. Of course, the pure pursuing continued the summer after graduation until finally, after much prayer, I felt God was asking me to try the dating scene one more time. (I think I will share that story on Valentine's Day...be sure to check back!) Being 22 and 23 years old, there is no question that the sexual "norms and pressures" surround our relationship. But there is nothing more empowering than hearing, "I will wait for you." You see, he waited a whole year (maybe more) for me to simply agree to go on a date. He promises me that waiting longer for the beauty of sex is worth the wait. He tells me that it makes him stronger as a Catholic man. He tells me that I am the pearl of great price and I am beautifully deserving chastity. Of course, what truly melts my heart is when he tells me that he knows religious life is still a viable option for me. He knows that I may very well enter religious life, even after dating him. He knows that our dating relationship is part of the discernment process. It is with this knowledge that he reminds me that there is no way he could ask me to give up my gift prematurely if it is meant to be given to Jesus.
Of course, I would be remiss if I didn't mention this: when I teach CST, I am pray for gentleness. Many Social Justice issues are wake-up calls to my students. However, our Church preaches gentleness and compassion overall. It would not be following the example of Pope Francis if I did not mention compassion toward those who may have read this and felt that it was too late to practice chastity. Statistics say that teenagers and even children are losing their innocence sooner and sooner. It is with much compassion that I address the beginning of life issues formerly mentioned in this post and even greater compassion that I address chastity. I remind my students, especially when the question of "am I going to hell now?" comes up, of the story of Jesus and the woman caught in the act of adultery. Jesus said, "Let the one without sin be the first to cast the stone." My job as teacher is not to condemn but rather to love the sinner not the sin. Pope Francis encourages us to love unconditionally, without judgement. And so I say this, when talking about chastity, I remind my students that there is always a chance for starting over, for reconciliation. When an expensive piece of jewelry gets chipped or upset in some way, we take it to the jeweler to be fixed and refurnished. Jesus in the Sacrament of Reconciliation is our jeweler, fixing the dents, cracks and scrapes in our pearls of great price.
Living out chastity is so difficult in our society today. Many of our Social Justice issues can be traced back to a negligence to practicing chastity, however, now is the perfect time to start anew. Now is the time to begin living out chastity for ourselves and being that example for our young people. Now is the time to start learning about how we can be Social Justice Advocates simply by living out chastity. And of course, now is the time to start promoting healthy dating relationships that lead to beautiful and wholesome marriages. Now is the time to recognize our worth as the pearl of great price. Now is the time to up the price on our price tag!
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