Yes, These Are OUR Spoons

"Take my heart, O Lord, take my hopes and dreams,

Take my thoughts, O Lord, and my memory, 

Takes my tears, my joys, my liberty,

I surrender, Lord, all I have and hold. 

I return to you, your gifts untold.

Give me nothing more than your love and grace, 

these alone, oh God, are enough for me."

- "These Alone Are Enough," Dan Schutte

    A million and two thoughts were going through my head: what if I missed it? is today really April 20th? did that invite say 10 or 11 AM for Mass? who am I going to sit with? I'm going to be the youngest one here; what if my RSVP card never got there? did I mail my RSVP card? oh no. And then, I pulled down the visor in the truck, looked in the mirror and heard the voice, "Shush. Peace. You look beautiful in black and white." I smiled gently, talked some confidence into myself and then jumped down from the Driver's Seat. I walked the same walk from the back parking lot that I have always walked and it was as if every footstep I every took, was pulling me forth again in peace and beauty. I turned the corner and I was overwhelmed by the "OH MY GOSH. YOU'RE HERE!" and the image of black and white running (I use that term loosely) toward me. Suddenly, into the arms of my dear Sister Teresa I was huddled. With a sisterly kiss on the cheek, she told me that she had been really thinking about me lately and was hoping she would get to see me today. Ironically enough, I had tried to call her twice last week because she was overwhelmingly on my mind but I got no answer. You know I believe that everything happens for a reason and God definitely wanted this meeting to be of great joy. 

    After a few minutes of chatting with Sister Ter outside, I headed in where I was greeted by a plethora of sisters with various different greetings: "Bec, dear, so good to see you," "Welcome home, dearheart," "Did you get the black and white memo?" and of course, "We've missed you." Hugs and kisses were shared all over in the hallway where it seemed everyone was gathering. I couldn't help but smile as I saw so many faces of sisters I hadn't seen in such a long time, like my sisters from Chicago and my number one girl from Roma. But I still didn't see Sister David, the celebration girl who was the main reason I found myself once again at Infant Jesus. We share a similar spirit, so I wasn't surprised when I saw her bustling from person to person down at the other end of the hallway. Mass was to begin soon and so, we all found our seats in Chapel. Those few quiet minutes before Mass truly opened my heart to what was happening before my eyes. 

     It's not every day one gets invited to a Jubilee. Most often, we find ourselves at grand-parents' and parents' anniversary dinners and parties, but seldom do we find ourselves at Jubilees. Of course, it's not a common word in day to day conversation. So, what is a Jubilee? A Jubilee is that special word synonymous with Anniversary (synonymous is my favorite word this week!) and is used to describe a special amount of years in a Sister or Religious' life. A few weeks ago, I received another one of those fancy CSFN cards in the mail. This one was an invitation to Sister David's 50th Jubilee. That means, she's been in community...a really long time. Now, when one thinks of 50 years of marriage or in the convent, one often associates that with a very long life. But having entered as an aspirant (at the time, this was a young girl was looking to enter fully into the community upon high school graduation; she was aspiring...) after the 8th grade, Sister David has such spunk and life about her. She's a young golden Jubilarian! As she was bouncing through the hallway this morning before Mass, it was so obvious that she had spent the last 50 years of religious life happily, despite any struggles, and with her Beloved. 

      I felt so honored to be a part of her celebration today. There are many things I love about Sister David, as she was the very first sister to open up to me about the "mysteries" of religious life AND the first sister I ever opened up to about discerning these mysteries. I could always count on her to be happily singing in the hallways or praying in Chapel with me in high school. After high school, she turned my ring then hugged me off and sent me away to school, knowing that this was the best thing for me at the time. She has given up countless afternoons to share time with me and has spent so many hours praying those prayers she promised me. She's wiped tears, she's shared smiles, she's encouraged me with song, kind words and extra love. She became for me not only a confident, but a dear sister to my heart and of course, above all, an inspiration and sometimes the sole encouragement for me to continue on my own journey of discernment. To be with her this afternoon released such gratitude in my heart for her presence in my life. I, of course, began to think of my own celebrations, first when entering and then my own celebrations. I could easily close my eyes and see all my sisters hustling and bustling around Chapel and welcoming family members of mine on the day when finally I give a final, solid, forever YES to Jesus while I would be pacing in extreme nervousness. When Sister David recited her renewal of vows, I could not help but smile and hold down the butterflies of love in my stomach. It was so beautiful. Of course, the moment she brought up all those people who had helped shape her vocation, my own heart was making it's own list. My heart was ready to explode for happiness for her.

      That happiness continued downstairs in the dining room when surrounded by her sisters and her family and friends, she joyfully celebrated. There was much laughter, many stories and so much to be thankful for. In fact, it reminded me of a much (MUCH) smaller version of my family at celebrations. It felt like home. I had to sit back and soak it all in as my heart was experiencing such happiness. I watched as the sisters each helped each other out, making sure the day continued to be special for Sister David. Of course, my favorite part was that her family easily interacted with the sisters and vice versa, just as I had so often seen my family do with the sisters! To me, it shows such love and support; I couldn't help but thank God for that example. 

       A little after the meal was "dying down," I saw the same super exuberant sister subtly cleaning up. So, I sneaked away from my table and offered my hands. What happened next was literally the most hilarious series of events that could literally only happen in the convent. It first started with snuffing out Sternos with a metal spoon. I am never surprised when I am taught a new convent trick and it is one hundred percent effective and efficient. Quickly moving on, I found myself drying the dishes (as per tradition) (side story: in my house, when we do dishes, the younger sisters dry while the older sisters wash. Apparently, the convent follows this because without a doubt, I am always handed a towel). Every so often, while in the middle of drying a large chafing dish, I would feel a splash of water. Ironically, Sister Ter noticed and started laughing while telling a story of this happening previously. I mentioned that this was very Therese of her and so we continued to call the act of washing and drying dishes, practicing our St. Therese act. Half way through our "St. Therese Act" we came to a pivoting, puzzling point: whose spoons were whose. You see, the meal was catered and the caterer brought his own spoons, but because the sisters are efficient, they added their own. But now they were mixed. In my hand, I was drying a handful of spoons. Without really thinking about it, I said, "Well, these are our spoons for sure." Suddenly one sister said to another sister, "did you hear that?" I put the spoons away and Sister Ter goes, "Yes, they are OUR spoons, Bec. OUR spoons." Then, laughing hysterically, we unknowingly decided that in addition to washing the dishes, we were also going to mop the floor as suddenly a huge wave of water came up over the sink and landed on the floor. Yes, essentially, we were like a bunch of young sisters in the kitchen and I was part of the family once again. 

      Later, after all the dishes were washed, dried and put away, and the tables reset and the trash taken care of, we praised the gift of teamwork and community and headed in our separate directions. Sister Ter gave me a huge hug and told me that she thoroughly enjoyed my very casual usage of the word "our." I couldn't help but shake my head, laughing, at this woman who has literally stood by my side through every up and down in high school, just as so many sisters. From the very first math test I failed, to the moment on Kairos when I just couldn't stop crying, to these moments like today where we can share in the happiness of my future as a religious sister. Yes, every time I go home to Infant Jesus, I am welcomed in with warm arms, and reminded of how much I am loved and prayed for. When Sister David came up to me in the kitchen in the middle of our St. Therese Act to thank me for my help in cleaning up, I simply responded with, "Sister, I know that in a few years, you'll be doing the same for me. Just...pay me back later." There is always hope for my future as a religious sister. Sisters often remind me of how much I have grown from a little, awkward, Freshmen girl at NA to my young lady self. When I look in their eyes, I can easily see happiness and I wish only to have that happiness. I know that for my sisters, I am the baby, making baby steps day by day until the day I can stand before that altar and sing my vows out to God on high. 

      And so, at the end of the celebration, I had so much to truly think about and for which to be thankful. The truth is, I told many people today that next year is my last year of college. To them and to me that is a sign that I am so close to achieving this plan God has in store for me. Of course, many have asked, not only today, if I am entering right after college. And I can only give the honest truth that right away after college is not really an option as I must get some real life experience in my career field and pay off my loans. Who knows how long that will take, but to be honest, like my sisters, I can easily see my future straight ahead as a religious sister. It's as if it is almost in grasping reach and while that is terrifying, it is terrifyingly exciting. 

    Witnessing Sister David renew her vows today reminded me that this life is so beautiful and most definitely for me. I couldn't help but feel my heart so overwhelmed with love for the religious life. But most importantly, I could hear Sister David's words echo in my heart, "Jesus has been the Center of my Life for my whole life long." She instilled in me so much encouragement to keep on this journey. My dear Sister Teresa reminded me once again how much I am loved and that when the day comes, she will be hustling and bustling around making sure everything is perfect. Of course, in those moments right before Mass will begin and I will be a nervous wreck, they both, and I'm sure my entire entourage of sisters will be right there praying with me. I can see that day ever so clearly in my mind, but most importantly in my heart. Yes, my heart beats at it's truth. I know God is calling me on to sharing much more than spoons with these lovely women, more like an entire lifestyle, a life dedicated to Him and all He asks of me and a family, a family that is the entire world. So, to some up my day and my life in one phrase, "Yes, these are OUR spoons."