Working With The Girls

"If you give a woman the right pair of shoes she can change the world."
- Millie Gaghan

So how's it been so far is the million dollar question. I've had text messages from friends, Facebook messages and posts and phone calls asking me how the big easy is! So let me tell you how it's been!
I now know what it's like to be hungry, homeless and cold! Home is wherever the people we love are and where we feel loved. And while NOLA has been such a home to me and I truly feel like I belong here, people are missing from my presence and this city! I am homeless from my family and friends!
I am hungry! Not a physical hunger, no my belly is full of gumbo and jambalaya and red beans and rice! Instead I am hungry to serve and love! Even though I am working so hard all day, it isn't enough for me! I need more! Like one of the sight supervisors said, service and giving love is the best kind of drug out there!
I am cold! I know at home, IU has has some snow and there is a cold front! However if I was at home, I'd be wearin a coat! Here it is about fifty degrees everyday! That would be fine except I didn't many warm clothes! I know what it is like to wear all the clothes in my possession just to stay warm! Last night to bed I wore both pairs of sweat pants , both pairs of shorts, both long sleeve shirts and both sweatshirts!! I slept with the hoods up and curled in a ball under one blanket with my teddy bear!! Needless to say I was a little chilly!!
However being hungry, homeless and cold is not my daily life! I have felt solidarity with these people for the past few days but I have not always had that life and most likely will not have that life for an extensive time in my future! However it really hit the heart when I realized that not only was Katharine Drexel here in this city but also Mother Teresa and Frances Cabrini!! These are seriously three of my favorite girls!! And even though they aren't here now I still am working and walking with them!!
When I checked Facebook the other morning to post some pictures, I saw the above quotation as Millie's status! Right away I had to comment: work boots! I would wear work boots!! I couldn't help but imagine Mama K or Mama Teresa or Cabrini wearing work boots under their habits!! Wouldn't that be a sight to see?! And what if they wore work pants under their skirts and bandanas over their veils? I decided that would be me...I'd work the boots with the skirt...and when my work boots get too dirty to wear inside I will just were socks to chapel like I did this morning!!
When I am down here I can't help but think of my girls, my sisters the saints working in the poor schools and building houses!! If they were here during this time they'd be nailing down floors and mudding walls after school on the week days!!! Yeah....me too!!!

Sorry If I Infect You...Joy?

"Let anyone who comes to you go away feeling better and happier. Everyone should see goodness in your face, in your eyes, in your smile. Joy shows from the eyes, it appears when we speak and walk. It cannot be kept closed inside. It reacts outside. Joy is very infectious."

- Mother Teresa of Calcutta

     Many of you are probably wondering what happened to me? Why haven't I written? Where have I been? Well, here's a few things: I turned into a real college student. I have been busy reading and writing papers. And I've been all over the place, including Chicago. So finally, here I am, half way through February and writing. 

     Technically, I am at work right now. But the phone hasn't rung in about two hours. I think it's safe to say that Fridays are a very quiet night here on the homefront. I was sitting here reading some Mother Teresa (because I'm sitting on the board for Women's History Month planning. Woohoo student advocates!!!!!) when I came across the previously stated quotation. It made me think.

     I've been so busy in the past few weeks, traveling, doing homework, reading and working, that I wonder how many people I've met along my way that have left my presence happier? It made me really reflect on how many smiles I could have shared but didn't because I was running here, there and everywhere. I wondered how many people I didn't infect with my natural Joy. Or how many people I wasn't even joyous to. And then, I decided that I needed to go back to my ways, my roots, my nature. So, I'm making a change.

     Starting right now, despite my business, I am going back to smiling at everyone. No matter if they stop to talk to me or not. I am smiling. If we stop to talk, then I was meant to be there for that person. And if I'm late to something because of it, well, God will work through it. I decided that I will be joyful, no matter how much I have on my plate or how much I've been running. AND I decided that a joyful person needs more sleep. So...I'll be getting to bed for 2 am this week. 

    I'm promising you all right now, that I will infect you. I will spread my happiness all over you. And I hope you all can leave my presence feeling better and happier, just like Mama T suggests I do. And I promise to be back on the blog, keeping up the strain of discernment. I'm working on it. Next week I'll be on retreat, so I'm sure I'll have plenty enough to say for that. 

     Stay tuned for the next few blogs for I will be enticing you with tales of the Flat and Windy City, my Cafeteria adventure, and What It's Like To Be A Chapter Groupie!! God bless!!!

Even the Best Fall Down Sometimes...A Story About Doubt

"Even the best fall down sometimes. 

Even the wrong word seems to rhyme. 

Out of the doubt that fills my mind, 

I somehow find, You and I collide."

- Howie Day, Collide

    Let's be frank, here (notice I didn't say Frank, because I prefer Becca to any other name for myself.): The blog description says this: A blog about the ups and downs of taking the road less traveled by, etc. Today, I'm turning a "down" into an up. 

    We all suffer doubts at some points in our life. Whether you're doubting your college major in your senior year,  or doubting whether or not you really like your significant other, or doubting that the pizza you had for lunch was actually good for you or even doubting your confidence on a test you studied eight straight hours for. Or maybe it's deeper doubt, like doubting your profession/occupation in life, or doubting that your role in a single person's life, or doubting God. They say, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." And for me this Doubt, this Doubt is, "What if all I thought was right for me, was really just an inlet for others to find God and their vocations, and really God hasn't revealed any of His REAL plan for me."

    I began to think, what REALLY drags me to Mass every morning? Was it pure love of the Lord or fear to stray from the routine? When I find myself sitting before the Lord a few minutes before Mass saying, "JC, I've got nothing. Absolutely nothing," that scares me. It makes me want to cry because I don't know what to hold onto. It's as if the string of hope is a mere sewing thread. I feel like I'm holding onto the ledge, dangling over the Grande Canyon, by my fingertips, getting ready to let go. I feel like all I've ever thought was God's plan for me, the religious life, might not be truly His plan. 

    And then I think, after I post a questioning status that all the nuns hop on like it's the newest trending hashtag on Twitter, what about Mother Teresa who spent all those years in a Spiritual Desert? What about all those saints who felt like God was silent? They became SAINTS! I'm not saying I'm going to become a saint, but that all these HOLY MEN AND WOMEN felt like God was silent, too. They doubted. They felt like giving up. I needed someone to be God's voice to me and right away, those voices of God came. 

    It's like the sisters know (now, without having to even see my face) that I'm dealing with doubt and need some help. For the first time this week, I went to morning Mass instead of Noon Mass, and my piano nun chose "The Lord is my Hope" for the entrance hymn. Right away, it was like a mass text went out to tell everyone that Becca needed prayers and encouragement. Actually, truth is, a text did go out to those cell phone savvy but not Facebook savvy sisters around me at school that I needed prayers. I quickly found that the majority of the sisters on campus and at the Motherhouse knew of my ailment and began to storm Heaven, for they, themselves, knew the power of Doubt and how much it hurts. Before I could cry another tear, I was getting spiritual direction via text messages and Facebook chats. And even at Mass yesterday morning, the kind smile from a sister and another sister taking the seat next to me, reminded me that God is not silent; I just wasn't listening. 

    While I may still be in a period of doubt, it has lessened greatly due to the voices of God who helped me out. And I've come to realize that this "uncertainty" of sorts is a normal feeling for anyone but especially for young people discerning this call to religious life. And so say a prayer for all those who may be going through enormous amounts of doubt in their vocation. If you've been there before, you know how much those prayers can help! And here's to making the down an up!

    So let's talk about normal. Every college student skips class for various reasons. Most of the time, college kids are sick, "sick", need a mental health day or simply are skipping because the very next day starts some type of break and they have a plane to catch. I fall into this catagory, only IF I am completely incapacitated by the flu (like I was LAST week). However, today, I did the normal with the extraordinary. Yes, I skipped classes (with permission) BUT it wasn't for any of the above reasons. Today, I proudly skipped class to be a student leader for a local high school's senior girl retreat. WOOHOO!
    Needless to say, I was riding my high horse of happiness (AKA the school van) on the way there and I really couldn't wait. When we finally got there (everyone loses their way sometimes...), we were met with a sister who HAD AN ENGLISH ACCENT. I don't know about you, but I love ACCENTS! So immediately I was in love with the place. Then we walked around to find our "sacred space"  and found the CHAPEL! AHHHHHH. So it's completely in the round and all you see through the windows is NATURE; trees, leaves, squirrels, loveliness. Not to mention JESUS in EXPOSITION! Oh my goodness, it was a slice of HEAVEN!
   Ok so anyway, our lovely ladies of God get there and talk about ROWDY RAMBUNCTIOUS TEENAGERS. Oh wait...that's me. Yeah, I was ready to BOUNCE. OFF. THE. WALLS. from happiness. Everyone seemed so open to the retreat and I just know it's going to be a good one; I know there's going to be happiness and tears and GOD, totally! We break up into our groups, make our goals and share, discuss, and get to know each other. And then we get to the real deep stuff; cross the line and path of angels.
    If you've ever done a cross the line, you know it consists of real deep personal questions. It talks about discrimination, beliefs, race, the whole nine yards. And then there's th question: Cross the line if you've ever felt alone in a crowded room. Every single girl moved forward. Including myself. It happens, we all feel alone at times. But that's why we do our path of angels. Everyone lines up on either side of the hallway and then one by one every person walks down the middle so that they have to listen to the BEAUTIFUL comments everyone has for them. Talk about moving. Wow, tears. After every girl went through, we thought we were done. But no. The Spirit was so present that each of the girls encouraged the leaders to go down as well. Now if you read my most recent blog about adventuring and getting injured, you know that I have a brace on my knee and have to hobble instead of walk. In the words of one of my best friends, "my swag is off". Yeah, my swag! So I hobbled down the LONG hallway to the cheers of beautiful, young women I have never met before.
   Finally, after that oh so moving exercise, we all moved to the Chapel. Yeah, the little piece of Heaven I mentioned earlier. The final part of the retreat was the letter reflection. I won't tell you too much except that truly this was a time when the girls were made aware of how much they are loved by family. Having done this reflection before, I can truly tell you that it creates a lot of tears and emotions. I even found myself crying with all the girls. Being in that sacred space, with all those girls, with the calming music, I could feel nothing but love. Especially as I sat on the floor a bit incapacitated with my slacking knee and shared moments with dear hearted Sister.
    I can honestly say, that for the first time being a student leader for a retreat, nothing allows me to be more peaceful that spreading LOVE in anyway. Yeah, I guess that's my calling: to love in every way possible. "Our vocation is to love." (Mother Teresa)