Homeward

"I have learned that if you need to leave a place that you have lived in, 

and loved and all your yesteryears are buried deep, leave it in any way 

except a slow way. Leave it the fastest way you can."

- Beryl Markham

     This is my most favorite time of the school year. While I have always been giddy at the thought of beginning a school year and while it has always been a confirmation that I am in the exact profession I was intended to be in, the end of the year, especially in High School, is the most beautiful. I teach Seniors and while I work with all levels in our school, the Seniors are so special to me. I finally have them in class, I get to spend time with them doing community service, and I get to watch them mature over the years through retreat. But there is one retreat that is most dear to me and that is our Junior Training Retreat.

      Tonight would have been the second night of our JTR. But alas, we are not there. As a result of missing one of my most favorite places, I spent some time reflecting on the goodnesses I have received this year as a result of JTR 2019. One year ago, the current senior retreat team was experiencing the love of retreat for the first time. What makes it so incredibly beautiful is that they each consciously put so much effort into wanting to be there. Because of this, they are more open, more willing, more vulnerable. I don't find myself waiting for "that moment" when it all clicks because for these students, they get it the moment they walk off the bus. And of course, I get to share a place where I was once a retreatant and then a leader and now the Campus Minister. It is a place that is so special.
      These girls become the Campus Ministry team and thus, I get to work closely with them over their senior year. We pray often together, we explore new music together, and we share the state of our hearts many times over. They are the ones that fill the office with joy, laughter and tears. They are the ones that love deep and strong. When I see them in the hallway, I know they are spreading love with every step they take. When I see them with their peers, I know they are a level above in spirit and grace (oftentimes, above adults, as well). They are special and so incredibly unique. They share magic wherever they go. It would be during this time that I would be getting ready to plan a few senior events with them - Baccalaureate Mass, Graduation Practices, Senior Recognition, Senior Luncheon, and so one. I would be praying with them before their AP tests. I would be taking my classes for walks on nice days and having instruction outside. And we would be preparing for and executing the final retreat of the year, where we would initiate the Juniors into their roles as Senior Retreat Leaders.
       I am missing them and being in school so much right now. It has been such a blessing to be home with my family, but as my husband said, "You are still losing time with others as you gain time with us." I have spent every waking hour with my family; that is the family that shares my last name. But students become like family. They become your children in a way. And sometimes they treat you the same.

    I recently looked up at the calendar on my fridge to check the date when I realized that I hadn't changed it.  It still had planned events from March. That's when we left school and thus, that's when time seemed to freeze. If I had known on March 12th, that I was never going to have my office filled with those special girls, I would have hugged each one a little tighter. I would have reminded them that they are so incredibly worthy, beautiful and loved. I would have smiled a little longer. I would have given them one last little word of wisdom. But I didn't know and neither did they. It seems so unfair in so many ways. I cannot describe the feeling other than I feel a certain kind of emptiness without my students around. I know many other teachers feel this way. Our everyday life, our life breath, was suddenly ripped from our grasp before we had any idea of what was happening. We left the places where we have lived, loved and buried our yesteryears, in a flash. And for some, ripping off the bandaid was just that; a small amount of pain and adjustment to new life. But for many, it has left a sting and an a wound and a pain. It hurts. For us and for them.
     Despite this, however, these students remind me of home - that is school. Home is not a place but the people that make it feel like home. Through their emails, there little Remind texts and their cards. They remind me that home can be felt even when we are not together. And they remind me that I am doing that for them. Home is this beautiful place we are trying so hard to maintain in this place. But we are doing it together.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLit-C4Gl8g

Dear Seniors 2017

"What lies before us and what lies behind us

are small matters compared to what lies

within us."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

My dear Seniors of the Class of 2017, 

They say you never fall in love twice the same way. I guess they are right, whoever "they" may be. I never think I'll love the next class as much as I love the last and each year I'm proven wrong yet again. YOU have changed my life. You have shown me to fall in love with so many things all over again. You are amazing. You are a little bit of everything for me. 

Three years I've been blessed to know you beautiful people. Three long years and yet it seems not enough. Are you really graduating? Yes. Yes, you are. And you are headed to change the world for the best. So many of you are staying close by and yet others are traveling distances. I'm grateful and so blessed to know and trust that the world is a better place simply because you're in it. You will be doing great things with every step you take. I'm already so incredibly proud of you. 

You have changed my worldview in so many ways. Whether it was by surprising me with your hidden talents in chorus or on the stage or even on your teams. You've performed beyond expectation. You've danced faster, sung better and shown me that all I have to do is cut loose. You've encouraged me to attend more shows and concerts than I ever have. But you've also beat records like never before. I've never followed a team so far in champs or cheered louder on the sidelines as you run past me. When asked who my favorite players are, you're number one forever. I'm sure a few of you will be famous one day! 

You've taught me to love greater in so many ways. You're never failing dedication to service on nights when you're supposed to be doing so much homework astounds me. You have never ending energy to help those in need and give of yourself so selflessly. You laugh and love out loud and remind me that the finest things in life are the moments shared joyfully with one another. Just think about all the lives you have changed all over the city, the state and yes, even the country. Keep serving with your beautiful hearts.

You have taught me to laugh and to laugh loudly. Whether it's by showing me the latest funny video you found on the internet or telling me about your latest adventures, you have reminded me to take time out of the often too busy and too serious day to laugh. You've reminded me to stop stressing so much and to take a breath every now and then. Unless, of course, I'm laughing so hard I can't breathe. Thank you for showing me your authentic joys and laughter. You are some of the weirdest people I know, but you know, for me, that weird is more of a compliment. Keep being so true to yourself. That's the best part about you. 

You have taught me to love greatly. You have also prepared me for motherhood way too prematurely, but I know, I know...I'll thank you later. There is so much about you to love. Your unique personalities. Your many gifts and talents. Your funny stories. Your hearts. Your souls. And your hugs. I've never been showered with so many hugs until your class came around. You have taught me to love greatly because of your example. You love beyond measure, without hesitation and without judgement. You love despite flaws. You remind me how to open my heart each day and be vulnerable. Thank you. 

And finally, you have taught me to keep the faith. You are one of the most faith-filled classes I have met. You have faith in each other - you are each other's biggest cheerleader. You have faith in yourself - you know you can do anything you put your mind and heart to. You have faith in God - you trust he will carry you through the deepest valleys. Watching you grow in this faith, especially on retreat, is one of my greatest blessings. So many of you were apprehensive about retreat and yet, when you came back home at the end, I could see the faith in you restored. You have reminded me to never stop giving up - on others, on God and on myself. 

You have changed my life for the best. I am a better person because I have known you. You have surrounded me with so much goodness. I'm not quite sure what I am going to do without the Breakfast Club, the Campus Ministry Groupies, my retreat leaders, my CSC girls, and the rest of you. You have been my greatest joys, my happiest memories, and my best times this year. Thank you for your smiles in the hallways, your dedication in the classroom, your affirmations and little note cards everywhere, your gifts, your plenteous visits to Campus Ministry (even if they are only for the snacks) and more. Thanks for sharing your greatest accomplishments with me and letting me rejoice with you as you make it even further in competition, get into your dream colleges, and make yet another landmark in your life. 

The Class of 2018 has big shoes to fill. I cannot wait to see where you take the world with all your adventures and successes. I will continue to cheer you on from the sidelines. Continue to be the amazing, beautiful, wonderful human beings that you are. You are so incredibly loved. And remember, "my love will find you wherever you go." Be Where Your Feet Are, kids. 

Love Always, 

Miss G 

An Open Letter to the Class of 2016

“Before you can live a part of you has to die. You have to let go of what could have been, how you should have acted and what you wish you would have said differently. You have to accept that you can’t change the past experiences, opinions of others at that moment in time or outcomes from their choices or yours. When you finally recognize that truth then you will understand the true meaning of forgiveness of yourself and others. From this point you will finally be free.”  - Shannon Adler 

My students once asked if I ever blog about them. Little do they know that so many of my reflections are inspired by their awesomeness, their amazing desire to dive deeper into a relationship with Jesus and their overall wonderful, beautiful, and contagious personalities. Class of 2016, this one is specifically for you. 

To the Amazing, Beautiful, and Wonderful Class of 2016, 

First let me start by saying, I am astounded every day by your intelligence, your compassion, and your willingness to do that which is asked of you. You take each challenge and not only succeed but rather you go above and beyond. I asked for a mile, you gave me a road trip - a road trip I'll never forget! Sometimes I think - wow, these kids are so much more smarter than I will ever be. And you know what, that's okay. In fact, I'm so proud you're smarter than me. Because when you get out to the real world, you'll pick up where I left off. Thank for being not only smart but crazy about learning and discovering new things. 

You are some of the funniest people I know. I could be having the worst day - no coffee, traffic on the turnpike, everything going wrong - and then I walk into the classroom where 18, 10 or even 2 of you are looking back at me ready to take on the day. One of you starts, then the rest join in. Soon we are laughing much longer than the break allows and we've already lost ten minutes of class. Suddenly my day is turned upside down and I've found my reason for living again. You are always willing to share a smile with me in the hallway as you shout my name. You sometimes think it's funny to shout my name from undisclosed locations and then watch me try to figure out who was calling me. Then from amidst the crowds of students, your smiling face emerges with your cohort of laughing friends. 

You are also some of the most dedicated human beings on this planet. You have shown me that 3am has nothing on you because you're going to get a good grade, make the best retreat number or plan the greatest charity event. You have also told me that the wee hours of the morning when no one else is awake (aside from your 136 classmates) is when you do your best thinking. Maybe that's why you're all smarter than me. The wee hours of the mornings are when you make the best friendships whether it's on the weekend during a heart to heart at a sleepover or you're face-timing your project partner, hoping she's still awake because you just had an eureka moment. I love that about you - you're dedication to your school work but also to each other. 

And speaking of your dedication to each other - you've renewed my sense of self, too. Having gone to a school like yours, I remember making friendships like you have now. Everyday I see you laughing with your friends, I remember my friends. I remember to call them and tell them I love them even though we're half a world away sometimes. You're confidence in yourself and in others in the classroom, on the field or court or on the stage reminds me of the unquenchable desires I had in high school. Knowing you this year has made me remember to go back to chasing my dreams, too. Not that teaching you isn't living the dream, but the other dreams I made for myself. You remind me to do that. 

You are some of the most talented students I know - whether you're running homeruns, singing opera, dancing solo, making baskets, making robots, creating unique images of art, cruising down the river, running or jumping or throwing, writing poems or stories that rip my heart out, singing songs that satisfy the soul, or simply being true to who you are in every which way - you never cease to amaze me by your talent. Sometimes I think, if I ever have my own kids - I hope they are at least half the people you are. You shine brighter than the stars in the Chapel sky. Actually, there are no sun glasses that can protect against your shine it's so bright. I'm so blessed to have been able to bask in those rays. 

And finally, you are some of the most uniturnt people I know. Wow. I never thought Jesus could reach so many hearts. Thank you for sharing the states of your hearts with me on our retreats. Thank you for making retreat the most fulfilling part of my job. Thank you for the laughs and tears we all shared. Thank you for always bringing my favorite snacks, too! Thank you for letting me sleep and allowing me to be a happy princess. Thank you for sharing your truest selves with me - your best selves are your retreat selves. 

A letter to the graduates wouldn't be complete without some advice and so, while it's only been 6 years since I graduated high school, here's what I have for you: 

Branch out - meet people who are so different from you. Have at least one or two non-catholic friends who deeply practice their faith. Share your talents and use them to teach others. Don't stick with just your teammates. Have friends much different from your life experiences. Don't let yourself simply be comfortable. 

Of course, while you're branching out, make sure you call your friends every so often. Send a quick Bitmoji in the grext. Get together on holiday breaks, visit each other at college, and send snail mail. A quick little card to say hi can go a long way. The girls you are friends with now will be your friends forever, not matter how your circumstances change. I can promise you that. 

Let's talk school cafeteria/dining hall/dining hell. It can be the most intimidating place on the planet/college campus. Make sure you find a big table in the caf - a table that can seat all your new friends and then anyone who might look lost. If you find someone who looks a little intimidated by the caf or all alone, invite them to sit with you. If you are that person, don't be too scared to ask if a seat is taken. You might find some of your best friends this way. I did. Don't be afraid of the food choices - they make mom or dad's home-cooking even better. Cafeteria food keeps you humble and makes you grateful. It will probably be terrible but if you have good friends and an inclusive table set-up, it'll be worth it. You'll learn to use your creativity in a whole new way. 

And finally, academics. Chances are, you will be smarter or more able to adapt to the college setting than most of your peers. Don't let that be an excuse to slack off. Stay on top of things and stay sharp. Your teachers will be rather impressed with you. They might even ask you to teach a lesson or two. Don't be embarrassed. Just do it. And if any professor asks you to take any risks like touch a sheep's lung, diagram the Our Father, or perform a monologue, be the first to volunteer. You're professors will fall in love with you and those professors will be the ones who will write you the best recommendation letters for jobs, internships and grad school. So basically be yourself and keep doing what you've been doing for the past four years. And don't forget the tradition of thanking your professor. Once, that's all a professor wrote about in my rec letter - that I thanked him. 

I once heard a priest start a homily by saying - I remember the first time I fell in love. And so I start my last words to you the same way: I remember when I fell in love (not for the first time, but in a whole new way, whole new place). My first memories of the class of 2016 was at the Junior retreat when you all hated me for making you flip a tarp with just your feet. I received a number of half-hearted threats that day from perhaps some of the sassiest people I know. That's when I knew - I was really going to love these girls. And it's true. I fell in love that day. 

I never expected a group of students to change my life the way you did. You challenged me to be a better teacher, a better Campus Minister and a better person. You made me laugh harder than I've ever laughed in front of a group of people. You made me sing. You made me dance. You made me fall more in love with life. I know, for sure, that I will miss you each so much. And I will be praying for you every day of your college career as I watch you all make the world a better place. I'm not sure who will be my rays of sunshine, my smiles and my reason for waking up in the morning - but I know when you come back to visit, I'll be reminded of how much you truly changed my life. 

The truth is, because I knew you, I have been changed for good. Not for the good, but for good - you know, for eternity. 

I love you. BWYFA always <3

Sincerely,

Me

Chosen and Called By Name - Graduation

"Hmmmm, I wanna linger.

Hmmmm, a little longer, 

here with you."

- "Linger" 

Photo Credit: Marianthi Bousses

     It is a day so many wait for anxiously while others wish the day never to arrive only because it means good-bye. For me and most of my friends, Graduation was a day that both excited us and scared us. We were stuck in between crying from pure joy and crying from sadness. After four years of working our tail feathers off, we were finally ready to say, "We did it." Yet, there is always the fear of what the future brings that looms over. However, I found comfort in Isaiah 43:1 : "Fear not; I have called you each by name. You are mine."

     At every commencement there is a speaker. This year, we were blessed to have Ed Herr, President of the Herr's Food Company (you know, the potato chip guy) speak. Having been to the past two graduations at IU, I have heard my share of graduation speeches. However, I can say that Mr. Herr, by a landslide, was my favorite. His theme was "loving people like crazy." He shared many stories of his parents, what they had done, how the company had started, and even some beautiful stories of him and the kids growing up. At the end of each story, he said, "that's how you love people like crazy." I felt that resonate within me so incredibly because truly, I love people and I would go to any length to let each person I love, know that I love them so much. Even yesterday after commencement someone was joking as I shouted I love you to a plethora of nuns, "you love everyone." Yes, I do. But I love each person so uniquely. I remembered as Mr. Herr was speaking that it is my calling - to go forth and set the world on fire with love. 

     I kept thinking all during commencement, as I was surrounded by my family and friends, how I know one thing about my future is certain: I am meant to love and serve the Lord with all my heart and soul. I have no idea where in the world He will call me to, or who I will be with, but I know wherever I go, with whomever I go, it will be for Him. And all of this will be done through love - loving people like crazy. Of course, as I was sitting there thinking about all of this, I had many fears and doubts cross my mind. That's when I remembered Isaiah 43. FEAR NOT. 

      Suddenly, I was getting up from my seat and following the line of students preparing to graduate. As I walked onto the stage, faculty members and sisters were waving and blowing kisses to me as I passed them. I was even paying more attention to Sister Eileen that I almost missed giving Patty Canterino my name card. Suddenly, it was happening, I was being "called by name" across the stage to receive my diploma from Sister Lorraine, the chair of the board of trustees (and also the famous sister in my most recent sister selfie). She shook my hand, I hugged her, and continued my walk across the stage. On the other side were more sisters and professors holding their hands out to me as I passed for high fives. The Sisters were waving as my number one fans and in the background of this all happening, I could hear my family screaming and cheering despite the fact that Sister Jo asked the crowd not to do that. I could hear loud and clear, "I HAVE CALLED YOU BY NAME. YOU ARE MINE." 

      Just as I felt incredibly "chosen and precious" by God during our Baccalaureate Mass, I was feeling, "chosen and called by name" at Graduation. There is no denying that God has called each of us onto bigger and better things. Each of us had our names literally called at Graduation yesterday and there is no coincidence that God was in each of those name readings. Whether we realized it or not, we are all part of God's plan. Somehow He's got the "mess" we call life all figured out. I've got to trust in that. 

     How beautiful it was to see Isaiah 43 put into action during Graduation. I truly felt that there was no need to fear because God literally called me by name that day. I felt the intense feeling of being wholly His as I smiled at all those who had supported me throughout my four years at Immaculata. I felt so incredibly ready to take on the adventure God has planned for me. Even now as I write, I'm excitedly awaiting the rest of my life. Simply thinking about all the amazing things I know God has planned for me excites the fire within. That fire has been burning for a while....and now, it's time to go forth and set the world on fire by loving people like crazy. 

      After commencement, my friends and I gathered on our "back porch" and took a ton of pictures. Of course, I had a bucket list of nuns I needed pictures with. I had some incredibly precious ones of my number one mentors and closest "big sisters." In fact, the not so serious, very candid ones are my favorite. They are the definition of my relationship with these crazy Sisters. While it was easy to see most of the Sisters, since they were all ready outside and willing to be beautifully photogenic, there was one picture that required special access to the VIP section of the cafeteria. With one snapshot, the bucket list was completed. I felt like an incredibly blessed graduation princess. With all the pictures and moments captured, I truly felt God's smiling face looking down on all of us. 

      God has chosen each of us, He has called us by name and He has claimed us as His. Fear not. God is good and I know He has given me a flame inside to go forth and set the world on fire.