"Just" Happy To Be Here

"The most important thing is to enjoy your life

 - to be happy -

it's all that matters."

- Audrey Hepburn

    One of the most rewarding things in this world is checking things off a to-do list. Often at work I make multiple to-do lists: people to call, things to put away, emails to send, documents to type, etc. Nothing makes me happier than crossing things off that list, unless, of course, I finally get to the end of the list and can crumple the paper to recycle it. Last week was full of to-do lists in preparation for Freshmen Retreat. At the end of retreat, I took a deep breath, sat in my chair and said, "kudos, kid. Another event under your wing."

     This week provided lots of time for reflection on retreat. Did it go well? What can we change for next year? How much of the same schedule do we keep? etc. Lots and lots of reflection on the retreat. However, those weren't the only things I found myself reflecting upon. One thing in particular was what one student said during a Q&A in the middle of the day. After we asked the students if there was anything they wanted to share with the group, one student raised her hand in the back of the auditorium and said, "I'm just happy to be here." It made me smile and I've been thinking about her comment ever since. 

     I thought about it in regards to the actual retreat. How many students would have volunteered (if only they had that option....) to go on retreat at 8:00 in the morning? Not many, I'm sure. However, they were "getting out of class" and even had free time to be with their friends after the retreat. And yes, there were probably quite a few in the group of 125 who didn't want to be there. But there was one student who was "happy to be here" and that was all I needed to hear. If I only reached one student, that's all I needed; that's all that God was calling me to that day and I was ok with that. But my reflection began to go deeper than that. 

     I thought about what would happen in my own life if I started saying that to things I attended...like meetings or school or even long car rides. What if, regardless of what I was actually feeling, I said, "I'm just happy to be here." Would it make my disposition concerning the event better? Would I be more able to "grin and bear it" for things that I might not really want to attend? Would it be even more transformative and make me actually be able to say, "I am EXCITED for this meeting?" Hmm...maybe not as drastic as that, but maybe, just maybe it would allow me to be more positive about the experiences. 

     As I continued to think about what that one student said, I thought, hmm...what if when I woke up, instead of yelling at the alarm clock or hitting the snooze button, I opened my eyes and said, "You know, I'm just happy to be here." Of course, that's not difficult at the end of the day...getting in bed and saying, "OH I AM SO HAPPY TO BE HERE." In fact, all the words might not make it out of my mouth before my head hit the pillow and I fell asleep. But if I woke up like that, would my day be better? In order to be able to say that would I have to have a scene straight out of Cinderella or Snow White with the singing birds and the happy sunshine and the singing and the music and the unrealistic morning happiness? Or am I actually able to wake up (maybe after hitting snooze a few times) and say, "I am just happy to be here....happy to be alive." 

    I remember a few years ago making a conscious effort to wake up and express gratitude for another day alive. I do often say, especially on my worst days, "Well...it's a good day because I'm alive another day." I used to reflect so deeply on those first conscious breaths of the morning. How much does God love me that He, yet again, gave me the air in my lungs and another day of life?! But for some reason or another, I stopped with that conscious effort. Perhaps it was because it became too much a part of my routine, I got too busy, I don't know. But it suddenly was brought back to my mind with this one student's comment. 

    My reflection continued as I gave myself a deep look in the mirror the other morning. Usually is almost dark in my room when I get up, but the other day I was blessed to wake up after the sun. This made my room a bit brighter and so I was able to read a message I had written on the mirror way back in high school. It read, "Bec, have you talked to God yet?" I remember someone seeing it years ago and commenting on how funny it sounded. It was as if I needed to set up an appointment with God and hadn't contacted Him yet. But really I had written it as a daily reminder that I need to talk with God every day. I can't just go about my day treating Him like a secretary and asking Him for favors every time I need something. I probably wouldn't have caught the phrase on my mirror if it hadn't been for that one student's comment. 

      So today, I'm sitting here thinking, "Am I happy to be here yet?" It's Friday. Of course I'm happy to be here. But there was something different about my morning. I might chalk it up to having fresh coffee this morning, but I think, honestly, it was because the first thing I said this morning was "Five more minutes....I'm happy to be here today." I felt like I was bouncing into school today. I felt on top of the world today. I felt like I go about my day wishing everyone a VERY HAPPY FRIDAY. So...I have been. I'm happy to be here today. I'm happy to be at work. I'm happy to be with my co-workers. I'm happy to be on this earth. I'm happy that God blessed me with another day of life and breath. God is so good. 

    So maybe tomorrow when you wake up you can say, "I'm just happy to be here." Or maybe right now, think about if you are happy to be here wherever here may be for you. Maybe it might change your Debbie Downer mood to a slightly happier one....maybe just maybe. So try it out...maybe every day can be the best day of your life.

    

A Daily Cheerful Invitation - What Mass is like for me!

"Every morning is a cheerful invitation to make my life of equal simplicity, 

and I may say, innocence."

- Henry David Thoreau

What my morning looked like today!

     I'm sitting in the hard, wooded pew sandwiched between my dear Sister Cathy (she's steady been my pew partner for three years now) and the pillar (God thinks this is funny because there is no way for me to escape). My knee is throbbing and for some reason so is my elbow. It's a bit chilly in Chapel this morning, and my continuous thought process goes like this: "It's cold. My knee hurts. I'm so tired. Bed. I want my bed. I'm getting the chills. My bed is so warm. I would love to have Mass in bed..." and so on and so forth. My eye lids are drooping when all of a sudden, I can feel the Sun warm on my face. I look up and I can't help but smile, for the Sun is directly shining on me through the beautiful stained glass windows. Everything I had just been mentally complaining about doesn't matter. I feel loved. 

     To put this in "real life" perspective, let's say as a married person, you wake up feeling miserable. All you want is to stay in bed, cuddle up next to your beloved, and go back to sleep, nice and warm. However, you have to get up for work, your beloved is no where to be seen, and you know you can't stay in bed sleeping all day. So, as you begin to drag yourself out of the bed, your beloved surprises you with your morning coffee, perfectly brewed, made just the way you like it with the perfect amount of sugar and creamer in it. With a kiss, he suggests you go out onto the porch to watch the sunrise before the kids get up. You feel loved.

      Or if you're not married, it's as if you are walking through the halls, holding your head down, because you have a test next period and you forget to study. You know you're going to fail because you simply do not understand how to balance those Chemistry equations. Not only that, you forgot your lunch on the bus and you were really excited for that Peanut Butter/Banana sandwich you had packed. Life seems to stink and all you want is a hug. Then, suddenly, someone yells down the hallway: "Hey! Hey you! Yeah you. You're beautiful. Come into my arms. It's free hugs day and I have a hug with your name on it." Slightly weird, but perfect. It's exactly what you need. You feel loved.

      Whenever something really tiny and is, to most people, insignificant, happens, like the simply Sun shining through the window, I feel loved. Because it's those little, tiny moments that seem to me being God whispering over and over in my ear, "I love you. I love you. I love you." And most times, those moments happen when I really need them. Now, as if the Sun warming my face during Mass wasn't enough, I soon after heard the angelic voices of my Sisters surrounding me as they sang. While I love to sing, I love closing my eyes, opening my ears, and smiling, as I just listen to their voices. As a musician, I'm blessed with the ability to listen to group of singers and pick out whose voice is whose and then to listen to them collectively again. I'm blessed to be surrounded literally, in my pew, by some of my favorite voices. Today, our song was both in Spanish and English, and so, of course, I was listening  for one voice in particular. One day, I'm convinced she will notice me leaning toward her just to hear her better (and if she reads this, she'll know my secret...). Today, I couldn't help myself. Not only does she have a beautiful voice, but she has such a wonderful pronunciation of Spanish because she's fluent. With the Sun on my face, and her angelic voice singing to my soul, I felt like I was in Heaven. I literally felt so loved.

       The mornings are my favorite part of any day. I love to watch the Sunrise, to listen to the birds singing, I love hearing the gentle wind blowing through the trees. Sometimes in the morning, when I'm really feeling loved, I'm tempted to dance around back campus like Maria in The Sound of Music. But my favorite part of the mornings, is when I get to go to Mass with my Sisters. Because of my crazy schedule, I don't get to go to Mass with them as much as I would like, and like I said in my post about Teresa of Avila, it takes a toll on my Spiritual Life. When I am with them in Mass, I feel so enriched, so alive, so awake and so loved. Thoreau, one of my all time favorite authors, said in Walden, "Every morning is a cheerful invitation to make my life of equal simplicity and I may say, innocence. The morning, which is the most memorable season of the day, is the awakening hour. Morning is when I am awake and there is a dawn in me. To be awake is to be alive." I couldn't have said it better myself. How Thoreau put it is exactly how I feel. Being with the Sisters gives me an aliveness I can only experience with them. I am so happy and joyous in both my heart and soul, and really I can't stop smiling. Mass, for me, is a cheerful invitation given to me by both God and by each of my smiling sisters, to join them in a life of simplicity and innocence. And what I would give to be able to join them fully in that lifestyle now. But, I know patience is a virtue and I must wait for God. However, as long as I have those mornings with them, where the Sun shines straight to me and my Sisters are beautifully singing, praising God, I will be alive. I will be alive and awake. And I will keep saying yes to their daily cheerful invitation.