Something About Sunflowers and Onions

"When a person sees a sunflower, they can't help but smile."

- Anonymous

"Behind every smile is a caring, gentle person."

- Anonymous

    I've known her for only a year and yet, I feel like she's known me my whole life. I've only seen her three times in the past year, including the week I met her, and yet, I feel like I see her all the time. I'm usually so cryptic and thick that I can't be read, and yet, she looks straight through me like she would a window. We share a favorite flower and a favorite hobby: sunflowers and smiling. And I've been told that there is a serious and obvious bond between the two of us. I am so blessed.

    Those who I chatted with prior to what we call CREW know how worried and anxious I was about coming this year. I won't go into too much detail but a lot of it had to do with how I would be rushing from one week event to another week event within twelve hours of each other AND how I haven't seen my dear sisters for a very LONG time. What people don't know is that I was pretty ready to just quit because of the uncomfortable anxiety. However, one sister reminded me how God needed me to go and that not going would be running away. Lord knows I can't run. Sister reminded me that there was one person I needed to see this week and if I didn't go to CREW, I wouldn't see her. So, I went. 

     Already running late for my supposed arrival time, the anxiety within my heart and soul increased as the minutes went by. I parked the car and literally ran to the front door, leaving my things behind. Not until I saw the boss and two of my closest friends did I unpack my things and then my sunflower's things. Although the girls had all arrived and were diligently working on their CREW waves while bringing much excitement to the room, my heart was still anxiety packed. My sunflower had gone to unpack her things in her room while I very quietly and patiently. I listened to the excitement in the room as I worked and then, without warning, my sunflower snuck up behind me without warning. That's when this precious picture was taken. Having her there immediately eased a good amount of my anxiety. There's just something about sunflowers that can do that!

      The night really hit it off well with all of us jumping into the boat with our captain and sharing our first night of prayers. Immediately all of the girls hit it off so well. Before I knew it, we were all exhausted simply from getting to know each other through prayer and ice breakers. Without really realizing it, I had maintained my quiet attitude throughout the night. As we walked toward the staircase, my dearest Sunflower Sister put her arm around my shoulders and whispered, "You and I are going to have to make time this week to chat and catch up. I can see in your heart, you're struggling." I couldn't argue that; she was right. 

      The next two days were packed with activities such as gardening, dancing in the rain, painting over graffiti in Camden, visiting the PINK sisters and going for a CREW swim. She was only staying until Wednesday morning and because of all the activity, we hadn't yet gotten the chance to catch up. Yet, every morning or every time she could, she filled my heart with positive sayings such as: "We're so blessed you're here," "Good morning, Angel," "Thanks for your witness," "You're the best," and most importantly, "You are so loved here." She never failed to give a hug every time she could or just a simple hand to hold. She knew I was struggling with a storm inside and needed a captain to guide me. So, she was subtly sending me the directions I needed to prepare the ship for the storm. 

     By Tuesday night our time was running out. So, right after our late night prayer, I linked my arm with hers and casually asked if she wouldn't mind peeling onions with me. For those of you who don't know this, onions brings tears to one's eyes. Since I'm both an English major and I love to cook, I'm constantly using crazy parallels with food and real life. So, yes, I more or less asked her if she wouldn't mind letting me cry a little on her shoulder. And so, we had our catch up chat which really consisted of me crying while peeling away the layers of my onions, and her steadying my hand as I peeled. And thank God. 

     I don't do tears well, especially in front of people. There are only a select few I've cried in front of and I can count them on one hand. I use only one finger when counting how many I've actually really really really cried in front of...like the whole awkward breathing, snotty nosey, river of tears cry. And that only happens when I peel onions. 

     There is something about sunflowers that let's you know you are safe and sound and protected and loved.  There is something about onions that truly lets you cry. And there is something about peeling onions with a sunflower that truly reveals to you God's love and healing power. I am so blessed to have spent three very special retreating days with a beautiful sunflower. I can't really put into words how grateful I am for her presence in my life, but if we're being honest, let's just say: my ship would have been lost to the storm.