Isaiah 49 - Never Forgotten

"I will never forget you. I will not leave you orphaned. I will never forget my own."

- Isaiah 49

    Currently, I am soaking in the almost 100 degree warmth in my bedroom. I am daydreaming about my service trip in seven days and I'm reflecting on how great God has been to me in recent days! Just yesterday I was blessed enough to have lunch with one of my dearest sisters. Our lunch was mainly to talk about my recent "quiet" attitude. This quiet attitude is what I consider my true, reflective self. This is when I take a step back and look at where my life has been and where my life is going. In discussing this quietness with my dear sister, a lot spilled out. It was perhaps the deepest conversation that was ever whispered in that restaurant. Even my dear sister said herself, "I never expected this was what we were going to have to talk about." And so, since this blog is about the ups and downs of discernment, I feel comfortable sharing a bit of our conversation with you.

      I can compare the likes of discerning to that of dating. Often we date many people before we find the right one, the one who we will marry. The same is said for discernment. Many times, a young woman discerns with many communities before finding the one which she will enter. Just as I was not a stranger to dating different young men, I have not been a stranger to discerning with different communities. It almost feels as if God has thrown me in the midst of various communities and said, "HELLOOOOO....just take a look at them." And so, "because God said so, I did so." And yesterday's conversation was about my realization that while I may love both communities so dearly, eventually I will have to verbalize the decision God has made for me. Except there's one problem...God hasn't let me in on that decision yet. And so, my discernment journey has been a little bit of a seesaw, too, in addition to the roller coaster. Because some days I feel so willing to enter one community and then other days I feel like God is pulling me towards the other community. Some say my youthful energy belongs with the younger community while others says the older community will benefit from my energy and have a sort of renewal. Some say my creativity fits one community's charism while my love of and for family fits another community's charism. And then there's my love for mission work: do I stay in the US or do I venture out and go international? In addition to these three things there is so much more to consider and discern when looking at communities. And although many people date different people at different times, my discernment of different communities goes on simultaneously. That sort of makes it a little bit harder. 

     However, there is one thing in my discernment of which I was made aware at the very beginning. It's always been sort of whispered in my ear during my deepest moments of prayer that in formation I have a good chance of being alone. This means I might be the only person in my band/group/party (which is why I must pray even more for my future directresses). When I brought this fact up yesterday, Sister reminded me that I will never actually be alone. And then God decided to remind me of that yet again this morning at Mass. The response was Psalm 94 which reads, "God will not abandon His people." As I heard these words repeated over and over and over, I realized...I am not alone. I never will be. 

     Sunday evening my Parish held it's first "Vocation Chat" night during which I was blessed to share my discernment story. I felt so blessed to be surrounded by so many different parishioners. There were the little ones, the teenagers, my family, parents, grandparents, sisters, married people and single people. I always knew my parish supported me in my vocation, but I never really knew how much! This night was a reminder that I am not alone. While I might be alone in my formation, God has not abandoned me. He has given me a beautiful Parish family, a beautiful REAL LIFE family and so many sisters, like my dear Sister from yesterday, to prove that to me. He has not forgotten me for sure, and I am definitely never alone. 

     I can't wait for our next "Vocation Chat" night just so that I can remind my parish how blessed I am to have them!! I am so grateful to God for those reminders that I am not alone and I am so grateful for you because I know if you are reading this, you have at least said a prayer for me!!! Thank you for reminding me that I am never alone. And even though the discernment road does get hard, I am waiting on the Lord to bless me with His decision!