On The Look Out: Maintaining Dignity

"She is clothed in dignity and strength;

she laughs without fear of her future."

- Proverbs 31:25

Picture Courtesy of IU Respect Week 2013
Taken by: Kerry Wagner

     Imagine a group of people sitting around a cafeteria table, or standing around after class in the hallway, or sometimes even after church services on Sunday. It's not something hard to imagine. Perhaps we can even picture ourselves in that group of people. People congregate all the time and what do they do when they do but talk. Sometimes they chat over the weather, recent changes in life, or really anything to keep a conversation going. But on occasion, it's not always the little things being chatted about. Sometimes, just sometimes (a small hint at sarcasm here), the topic of conversation is another person. 

     I can remember a moment from my grade school days so clearly, that I didn't think about until just this past week. We must have been at an anti-bullying seminar or maybe we were talking about it in the classroom. But I remember this question being posed: if you were with a group of friends and they were talking about someone, would you stop them? I remember sincerely struggling and grappling with the question at probably only ten or eleven years of age. I think that's when my love for moral theology was planted. Of course, I think then I was struggling so much with the question because usually I was the one being talked about. It's a rough life when you're well-behaved and introverted, let me tell you. But I think the more I thought about the question, the more I said, yes. I would definitely speak up for the voiceless. 

      Growing up as a product of a very deeply religious and outspoken Catholic family, I learned that the voiceless were the unborn, the homeless, the marginalized. It came as second nature to say that abortion was against my beliefs, and that we had to always bring in food for the food drives to help with the homeless outreach. I remember hearing stories of my grandmother doing radical things to speak up for the unborn and I love those stories. I remember how all the BIG NAME ITEMS were the topics of respecting human dignity. You know, all the big controversial topics = human dignity. But then I started studying morality. That's when I realized that dignity doesn't just concern those big topics of discussion, but the little things, too. Like that question posed to me and my classmates in grade school. 

       This past week, all of these memories of proclaiming human dignity came back to mind. I remember someone saying to me once that I should be honored when I find my name the topic of conversation among others because it means they have nothing better to do than talk about ME. Oh yes, it's flattering really, when your name is on everyone's tongues for seemingly negative reasons. Instead of feeling honored, as it was suggested, I decided to prove the rumors, the talking, false without directly addressing the topic. That became exhausting so I decided to not care. That was so insanely liberating and freeing. Not caring about what others were saying. Wow. I adapted the philosophy of believing that anyone who knew me and actually cared about wouldn't believe the rumors. This is nice, this is so so so nice. 

      But this isn't a post about my woes and anguishes. This is about the dignity of another person. I was sitting in the car when it hit me. Every time we talk poorly of another person, or we spread rumors, OR we even believe a rumor, we lessen a person's dignity. We have no idea what a person may be experiencing in their lives and yet, if we believe a rumor, or talk about that person, we are automatically lessening their human dignity. The worst part is that more often than not, the person being talked about, has no clue. Name calling, spreading rumors, talking about people. It all seems so elementary, doesn't it? Yet, it happens in high school, it happens in college, it happens in the work force, it happens about the older generations. It happens everywhere despite the fact that it is such an elementary concept. Let me tell you a story:

        The other day I posted this status: "I  think something we all need to keep in mind is that we take away the dignity of another person when we participate in gossip or rumor spreading. The truth is, we don't know where another person is in their life nor do we know their struggle. So perhaps we should lighten the burden and proclaim human dignity instead of talking about others. We should be looking out for and protecting our brothers and sisters not looking to lessen their human dignity." I had been really thinking about how much we take away from another's dignity simply by discussing "their image" or their actions. We lessen another's dignity when we talk poorly of them, when we simply discuss their lives by our own judgments. Something had provoked this sudden outspoken post and I expected many to brush it aside BUT the conversation it began seemed beautiful. Those who commented were among the elder wisdomatic figures in my life and each seemed to agree that life would be different if we simply thought about another person's dignity before we engaged in a conversation. That was when I realized that this issue isn't something among young people, but among young and old alike. 

       It's something we all need to stop and think about. Gossip is part of day to day life. It's inevitable that people will talk and I don't think we are anywhere close to eliminating this issue, but we can lessen it by our own actions. I will start with myself. I know I will find myself in group situations and I know gossip, rumors, or talking will occur, but I must find it within myself to refrain and even suggest a change of topic. When we participate in these belittling actions, we take away from the dignity of another person. We perhaps slowly destroy an image, we judge another's mistakes or actions without remembering that we, too, are flawed. 

      So I think back to the question addressed to me as a grade school student: if you were with a group of friends and they were talking about someone, would you stop them? Would I let one person rob another of his or her dignity? Would I allow the voiceless to go on being voiceless? Would I continue to let others destroy an image of someone simply by their words? Or would I stop it? And would I even allow myself to be in a situation where the dignity of another could be the topic of conversation? Can I allow myself to be surrounded by people who abuse their gift of words and use them to take away another's dignity? 

      My job, your job, our job together, is to be on the look out. We need to look out for and protect our voiceless brothers and sisters when their dignity is in question. We must remember that Jesus loves despite flaws and imperfections. We must remember that Jesus would stop a destruction of dignity. We must remember that as we are brothers and sisters, we must stand up for one another and protect each other. We must build up instead of destroy each others' human dignity because we each are worthy of love and dignity. Truth. 

"Think good thoughts and sunbeams will shine out of your face.

You will always be lovely."

- Roald Dahl

The Worst Minor Tragedy to Ever Happen - Losing My Voice

"There is a time for speaking and time for silence; He is silencing your heart right now."

- Sister Teri

    One of the first things people notice about me is that I have a loud mouth. Most people would agree that you hear me before you see me. I blame it on my height; I have to make up for my lack of height by my loud mouth. I won't go unnoticed. Those who know me will vouch for the fact that I LOVE to talk and the joke continues that I could talk to a brick wall if I needed to...or wanted to. There are different levels of talking for me such as the basic conversation, using conversation as a ministry, reading to the little ones at school and so much more. However, the usage of my voice doesn't stop there. I also love to sing and whether it's simply singing in the car, or singing in my room to the radio, or singing in Mass, if I'm not talking, I'm usually singing. I'm always using my voice.

     And so, when I woke up on Friday morning with barely a voice, it was a minor tragedy. You see, I was headed to school that day and that drive is about an hour. To take the drive alone is one thing but to not be able to sing as loud as I needed to for an hour, I was going to die without my voice. All day, it fluctuated in and out of sounding normal and sounding like a deep baritone voice. Cute. I was spending the night at the convent at school and all Friday night and Saturday, the sisters playfully kept making fun of my lack of voice. As one sister put it, "This is Bec's greatest tragedy. She can't speak OR sing." I tried to laugh, but of course, my laughter was hindered, too. I have to admit it was quite amusing, even to myself. 

     However, by Tuesday night, I was getting frustrated. We were going on five days without a voice and I was not having it. I was even trying so hard NOT to use my voice. I resisted the temptation to call or skype people or even talk to my family. It was a hard challenge, but I did it. Regardless of how much I tried to gain back my voice, I had nothing, just the occasional baritone, whisper and frog voices. 

      While visiting the convent last night, still with no voice, a few of the sisters said that they really understood how much trouble I was having not being able to talk or sing, especially since singing is my favorite way to pray. One of the sisters told me she needed me to have a voice before our teen retreat week so I could sing for them. Another sister promised to pray for me so I regained my voice simply because five days without talking is a minor tragedy for anyone. Then finally, another sister said, "There is a time for speaking and time for silence; He is silencing your heart right now." My whole way home, in silence of course, I reflected on that. She was right; I needed to silence myself. As I am always constantly running and running and running from one thing to the next, I was in desperate need of some silence. So, I decided to stop fighting the silence, and really quieted myself when I got home. I fell asleep at 9:15pm. That never happens.

      The next day, today, I wake up and head to Mass, still with no voice. As I am kneeling, it dawns on me that it is the Feast of St. Anthony of Padua. Many people know him as the patron of lost things. So, laughing to myself at this coincidence which is really a God-wink, I prayed for St. Anthony to help me find my lost voice. I could not sing the opening hymn, but I kid you not, the moment our pastor begin to talk to me after Mass, my voice was back 100%. Get this: He was asking me if I wouldn't mind doing an informal vocations chat with the young people of the Parish. What started as just having the young women/girls of the Parish be a part of this, turned into a co-ed night and then turned into a day of vocation chats with kids of all ages, and then turned into a potential informal information day for any one who might be wondering what my life as a discerner is like. Of course, the moment God wanted, I got my voice back.

     And so, this week I have learned the lesson of silence, dependence on God and how He wants me to use my voice. I have to laugh because so many of my friends and even some of the sisters say I might turn out to be my community's vocation director one day. The truth is, I've already done so many vocation talks at my grade school and for different groups of people, that I have become the poster child for vocations. So, I am undoubtedly excited for this blessed opportunity to speak with all types of people about my journey so far and where it has lead me. And all of this from losing my voice for a few days!! I guess it wasn't really a tragedy or even a minor one at that!! God sure does work in mysterious ways!!