Vocations In English Class

"Miss Gutherman, 

do nuns wear pajamas?"

- five of my students in unison

     One of the first things they teach us in those "How to be a Teacher" classes is that you must never let your students know your weaknesses. Okay that might not be entirely true, but there is some truth to it. They tell us to always be a least two steps ahead of your students, to never laugh so as to encourage misbehavior, etc. Of course, showing your class your weaknesses could definitely do you in for some damage. Weaknesses such as: deviation, getting off topic, the top ten pop songs of the day, talking about family, etc. As a student myself, I know how easy it is to want to get a teacher off topic. Get the teacher off topic, waste the rest of the class period. I had always vowed to never let this happen, but it is inevitable. Especially when your students find your weakness...oh and my 8th period found mine already: Nuns.

      It all started after their vocabulary test. I was going over the assignment sheet for the next unit (the Odyssey...YESSSS!) when I decided to jump start on Monday's Poetry Appreciation Jam. We are finishing up the Poetry unit by bringing in our favorite poems or poems we have written. So, not wanting to waste those valuable ten minutes left in class, I pulled up some of my poetry on my Google Docs Drive and gave them the choice to pick one or two. They picked: "Menacing Fall", a poem I had written not too long ago about the perils of walking to work. Of course, even though they didn't even have to work, the just had to listen to me recite poetry, they wanted to get off topic. That's when the questions began: "Miss Gutherman, where do you work? You work with nuns? Is it fun? Do you know all the nuns? Are they nice?" and then all of a sudden, in unison, five of my students ask: "Do nuns wear pajamas?"

     In all the vocation talks or conversations I have given or had with all types of people, without a doubt, that question has come up. Do nuns wear pajamas? Well, yes, in fact, they do. I always laugh when I hear that question and Friday was no exception. When all of my students said that in unison, I legitimately lost all composure. I was fine answering questions until then. I just burst into hysterical laughter and I knew the class was over. I had completely lost them. Or so I thought.

     The truth is, I would do anything to talk about theology, religious life and nuns for an entire class period, but the English curriculum doesn't really lend itself to that. Bummer, right? However, I am always one for embracing the Spirit when it comes. So when the questions came on Friday, I couldn't help but answer them. I wanted them to know all about the Sisters, to know that they are real people, that they are normal. The truth is, I deviated from the lesson plan because it was my Freshmen year that I re-discovered my own vocation. I deviated because I think it's so important that students, especially those who are surrounded by the sisters, know what the life is all about. I deviated because one day, I hope to be that awesome and cool Sister who nerds out over books and poetry and literature and research writing and my students were giving me that hope. 

     When my students decided to deviate from the lesson plan on purpose, little did they know how much of a confirmation they were for me. When people ask me how my student teaching is going, I simply say: "It's so great! I absolutely love it!" There is such truth in that. I love teaching so much. I have always wanted to be a teacher, ever since before I can remember, and I absolutely love it now. I cannot wait to have my own classroom and teach my own lessons and have my own students. I cannot wait to decorate the room, dance around the room teaching and inspire. But even more so, I cannot wait to do all of this and more as a Sister. Just as young girls dream of their ideal wedding, I dream of my ideal classroom where my Husband comes to work with me everyday. 

      I didn't tell my students that I am discerning this vocation and that sooner or later I will most definitely be entering the religious life. I didn't tell my students anymore than that I simply work at the convent. However, I have a feeling that somehow, it will casually slip out. It might come during another Friday afternoon deviation from the lesson, it might come during a lesson, it might come during a conversation with my students after school or before school or at lunch. Or maybe they will just ask because I wear my heart on my sleeve and somehow they will just know. I have a feeling some of them are already catching on.

       The truth is, they didn't ask me, but after school on Friday, when I stopped in to see Sister Margaret Peter to wish her a happy weekend, she did. We are neighbors in the hallway and often we stop for a few minutes just to chat. A few days ago she was subbing for my co-op teacher and we were able to have a longer talk than usual. We briefly talked about life, her vocation story and other things.  I mentioned having my own Christian Prayer Book (the Divine Office book with which the Sisters pray daily) and going to daily Mass. I didn't think anything of it. When I stopped in, my first sentence was: Hey Sister...want to hear a funny story? My students want to know if you wear pajamas. We laughed and suddenly she asked if I was serious about religious life. Confident, I said, "Yes. Have been for quite a few years now. Someday." She smiled as if to say, I knew it. 

        I never expected my students to suddenly bring up the nuns just as I never expect anyone to call me out on my vocation. People look at me and tell me they just know. Maybe with my students, they know but they can't put it into words. However, they did ask me if I had a boyfriend. And I said no. If they ask me, I will be honest, and perhaps it will open their hearts to this life. The truth is, there was no way I could follow all those highly suggested DO NOT DEVIATE lessons I had learned in my "How to be a Teacher" classes because in all honesty, God put it on their hearts somehow and I was there with the answers. Who knows, maybe somehow, they will be inspired and answer the call in their own hearts. They may have found out my weakness, but it is actually a strength. Hey, I love talking about the nuns, but I also love leading little hearts to Jesus. Whoever thought vocations could come up in my English classroom?

And just for kicks...here's the poem that started it all:

Menacing Fall

I put my life on the line every day.

Do they know how dangerous it is to walk to work?

Squirrels and tree limbs

chuck acorns at my head.

and yet,

leaves playfully dance around me,

begging my feet to join the waltz.

the trees,

they laugh at me

hugging my sweater close against the wind.

and in response,

I return the favor,

laughing at the silliness of the leaves,

unsure of what colors they should wear today.

some choose scarlet,

others crimson,

others still fluorescent  oranges and yellows.

and then, the traditionalists refuse to change from Summer Green.

this indecisiveness yields arguments among the masses

ending in few being through from the limbs.

but on the ground, they dance and laugh with me,

mocking the unconventional beauty of a mismatched dress.

I spread my wings, finally letting the wind lead me in the dance; he is quite the gentleman.

and just as I begin to float, a squirrel chucks another acorn at my head.

I put my life on the line every day.

Do they know how dangerous it is to walk to work?

I Got A Bid - One Rose Invitation

"Trust and trust alone should lead us to Love."

- St. Therese of Lisieux

     The countdown until the month of October, for me, is extremely intense. I cross off calendar blocks as if it's my job and the night before October 1, I can barely sleep. For me, the weeks leading up to the month of October is the same as for a little kid awaiting Christmas. October is my most favorite month of the whole year, and no, sorry Mary, it's not just because it's your birthday. Although, my life did change greatly on October 9, it's not the only reason why I love October. October 1st is in my top three favorite feast days of the saints of the year: St. Therese of Lisieux. The other two: St. Teresa of Avila (my spirit animal) and St. Katharine Drexel. These girls are my best friends and so from here on out will be referred to as Little T, Big T and Katie D. Feel free to call them by these nicknames as well. 

     This morning was one of the few mornings I've been able to leap out of bed at 5 am. Yes, friends, that's the early morning life of a student teacher. I was so excited after working behind the scenes with St. Therese last night, that I couldn't wait to get up and help deliver her special messages. I quickly got ready for school and then wrote a quick note to my lovely IHM Sisters at school who I have been missing so much (having to go out for Student Teaching means I don't get to join the on-campus Sisters for Mass every day...I miss them) before heading out the door. St. Therese asked that I deliver a few things to some certain people as a reminder of her love and guidance. Then, with two more roses in my hand, I got in the car and drove to the Motherhouse for Mass.

      A few days ago, I re-posted the Imagine Sisters' post about One Rose Invitation Day to the vocation directors in my life. In the style of St. Therese's Little Way, I wanted to participate and so that explains why I was helping out St. Therese last night and this morning. As I walked in the side door of the convent, I handed Sr. Rose her One Rose Invitation and we laughed as I told her, I think she might make a good Sister one day, that I'm praying for her and if she needs any help, I know of some great vocation directors she could talk to. We giggled as we searched the kitchen for something in which we could put the single rose. We scurried on to Chapel where right before entering through the doors, I saw Sister William Therese. Of course, I threw my hands in the air and greeted her with a bright and cheery "Good Morning, Sunshine. Happy Feast Day!" Hugging me, she said, "I'm so glad you come for Mass here; you make us all so happy." I couldn't help but smile.

     After sharing Mass together with my Motherhouse Sisters and greeting each Sister with a "Happy Feast Day!" I had enough time to join my Sisters in the Dining Room for some breakfast conversation. It was during this conversation that we brought up our own personal Therese stories and how she had touched each of us in a special way. Of course, we also brought up the One Rose Invitation. At this part of the conversation, Sister Rose mysteriously left the table and soon came back, placing a single rose in a vase in front of me on the table. Immediately tears started forming in my eyes. I had been so set on working behind the scenes with St. Therese and giving out my own One Rose Invitations that I never once thought, someone might give one to me. Of course, this giving of the rose resulted in a lot of cheering and awwing from the Sisters in the Dining Room. In sorority terms, ladies, I got a bid. 

     The One Rose Invitation is an initiative put forth by the Imagine Sisters campaign. The Imagine Sisters campaign works tirelessly to promote Vocations to the Religious Life for women. Their catch phrase reads: One Sister Can Change The World. Ain't it the truth? Today, October 1st, the feast day of St. Therese, who said when she died, she would send down a shower of roses to earth, is One Rose Invitation day. This means that anyone, after praying about it, can give a rose to a young woman who he or she thinks may make a beautiful Sister. The recipient of the rose can be someone who may have expressed interest in the religious life, might be steadily discerning, or may not have ever thought of religious life as an option before. Of course, I gave some roses to my Sisters...you know, just to confirm their vocations in case they were wondering. The giving of the rose is something simple to remind the recipients that those who are giving the roses are praying for them and their discernment. It's a simple, beautiful way to share prayer and the wonder of religious life.

     When I received my rose, it was a little more formal than how it may have been for many other young women today and when I thanked my Sisters, someone shouted: "So, do you think you might have a vocation, Bec?" I smiled and said: "I'm not quite sure...I should probably talk to a vocation director." We laughed and smiled as I had been discerning the religious life for so long and so many sisters know that joining a convent and a religious community is one my to do list from God. While I may not have needed a rose to confirm this, as the smiles of my Sisters every day confirm my vocation for me, it was a beautiful reminder that I am loved and thought of daily by these beautiful women who each had said yes to God so many years ago or so recently. 

     Not knowing where I was going to put my rose, since I had to school, I asked if I had to carry it around all day with me. One young novice said, "Yes, it's part of your process." My Sisters know that I often equate my joining of the convent to the joining of a sorority to make it easier for college students to understand. While my rose means nothing more than prayers and love and support from my sisters, it was almost as if they were saying, whenever you're ready, Bec. I got a bid. Of course, that's all up to God and where He wants me when He wants me. 

    I was so blessed to be able to do my share of working behind the scenes with St. Therese, sending One Rose Invitations to friends near and far and I was even more blessed to receive my own One Rose Invitation from my dear Sisters who truly know how to make waking up at 5 am worth it....every. single. day. Of course, I think my biggest blessing is knowing so many beautiful Sisters who have changed my world for the better. They had each in their own way changed my life so much that honestly, I have no idea where I'd be without them. I can't thank them enough for making one of my three favorite days of the year, a special one. Now here's to wondering what on earth they'll do for my number one girl, St. Teresa of Avila. Good news, they have a few days to plan ahead! 

It All Comes Down to the Hart of the Matter

"I have struggled with this call to vocation all my life.

I can understand why people have doubts, because who understands God?

I don't."

- Mother Dolores Hart

    We've all seen those famous movie stars become nuns: Whoopi Goldberg as Sister Mary Clarence in Sister Act, Rosalind Russell as Mother Superior in The Trouble With Angels, Audrey Hepburn as Sister Luke in The Nun's Story and of course, my favorite, Julie Andrews as Maria in the Sound of Music. Famous women in Hollywood taking on roles of Sisters and Nuns for Hollywood purposes. While no one can really be sure why, Sisters and Nuns tend to show up in random comedy movies and documentaries. I could think of a number of reasons why Hollywood chooses to produce movies and films about Sisters and Nuns but quite honestly I think the real reason is this: Unless you are a Sister, the movie viewer, no matter how Catholic he or she is, has no idea what being a religious really is like. I can admit myself, that as much as I know about the Sisters and their lifestyle, there is no knowing for sure what the religious life is all about until one finally joins a community. And so, because we as lay people have no idea, we try to portray what we think or how we assume convent or monastery life is lived. Sometimes it is a close depiction, other times it's pretty far off. Regardless, perhaps writing screenplays about Sisters and Nuns and other religious is Hollywood's attempt to give knowledge of the unknown. Last night, I had the most awesome opportunity to listen to and meet Mother Dolores Hart. Unlike Whoopie, Rosalind, Audrey and Julie, Mother Dolores, after acting as St. Clare (a religious nun) in a film, actually took a further step and entered a community of Benedictines in Connecticut. She took her role as a nun to a whole new level.

    We were supposed to meet at Our Mother of Consolation Parish in Chestnut Hill. I had no idea where that was or how I was going to get there. I didn't know the area well, and was surprised when my GPS told me to take the turnpike instead of 95. Although, after traveling back and forth to Philly every day this week on 95, I was grateful for the change in commute. My GPS sweetly mentioned : destination on right. I was having trouble believe it, but lo and behold, as I turned the corner, there in the distance was a group of lovely ladies dressed in blue. I laughed to myself: I know I'm in the right place when I see the nuns. I parked my car, met Sister Kim in the parking lot and then walked in. All hopes of remaining unnoticed were shattered when immediately we were greeted with "Sister, your Sisters are up front." That was no understatement...there they were in the front rows. 

     The next few moments were spent catching up with each other as it had been such a long time since I had seen the Motherhouse Sisters. We laughed and shared stories, until someone mentioned that Mother Dolores was not on IHM time. What exactly is IHM time, because as far as I knew, according to my internal IHM clock, Mother Dolores was right on time. Before I could comprehend what was happening before me, this little, tiny, maybe five foot tall nun dressed in a black and white habit made her way across the altar. How precious! was all I could say. She looked straight out of a fairy tale!

     The first thing she mentioned was that she had been wondering what to actually speak about that night. How she started telling us though really spoke to my heart, especially with what happened right after. She said, "Most of you are probably wondering why. Why did I, a famous Hollywood actress, decide to give up everything for the cloister life? Why would I become a nun?" She left a few moments for the audience to think, to wonder, to imagine. For the most part, it was quiet. However, as I was sitting with a fairly large group of lovely IHM ladies in blue, I heard a mumble amongst them that said, Oh I know why. It's the same reason for all of us. I'm not quite sure who said it, but I had to laugh. Suddenly I realized, I knew, too. No, none of us sitting there were once famous, we didn't have Hollywood at our every beck and call, but the Sisters among us gave up so much for this life and I am finding myself doing the same as I prepare for the big step that will happen sooner or later. While we might not have the same exact story as Mother Dolores, we all knew why she was sitting there before us, not as a movie star, but as a religious nun. The rest of the audience might not have known, but we, we knew. 

      As I was sitting there, listening to Mother Dolores speak, I couldn't help but wish my friends were there with me. I had invited them but it was too late notice for them. I was bummed because I knew they would love her story as much as I did. I texted them when I got home telling them how much I had wished they had been there and in googling some more of Mother's story, I found out she was speaking at another close-by Parish. So, I called the girlies up and the next night I found myself and three of my good friends sitting in a pew listening to Mother Dolores, me for the second time and them for the first.

     She didn't start her talk out the same way, but she did reiterate what she had began to say the night before. This time, instead of stating that most people wonder why on earth she would do such a thing, she asked if everyone knew what it felt like to be in love. We were surrounded by married couples and religious sisters and priests and some young people, too. More or less, except for those youngins, nodded, spoke amongst themselves and agreed with Mother. She then said that for her, when she went to Regina Laudis Monastery, she felt the same fire of love for this lifestyle just as she would if she had fallen in love with a man. Many people were in awe but just as the night before, the sisters were all shaking their heads, nodding in agreement; they knew, they knew exactly the fire she was speaking about. 

     I smiled as my friends engulfed this notion. For me, ever since I really started openly discerning, I have tried subtly to show people how awesome and normal sisters are compared to regular everyday people. Whether I had invited them to a pick-up softball game, to the movies, or just to dinner, my friends slowly got to understand that these sisters I was so fascinated with were just regular people with an extraordinary calling. I had invited my friends last night to see Mother Dolores not only because I knew they would enjoy the spirituality aspect, but also because I wanted them to hear and understand another Sister's story. I believe that our stories are so important, and even Mother Dolores spoke about that. She said that our roots define us, that we should be proud of where we come from, because it is that that God starts planting the seeds for our future. I had invited my friends so that they, too, could understand what it was about this fire that ignites the soul and invites it to live for Jesus and only for Him. 

    As her talk went on, I found myself reflecting on my own firey soul. This week I have been blessed to teach pre-8th graders with some of my IHM Sisters down at St. Joe's Prep. One of the things we really focused on in all our classes was the importance of St. Ignatius' words "Go forth and set the world on fire." How awesome that Mother spoke about the fire. We cannot set the world on fire, if we ourselves are not on fire with the love of God. So often, that's how I feel I truly live out my vocation, that is, my mission in life to love. I see myself as a literal fire. At some moments in my life, I am simply a small fire, setting aflame the kindling in the fire pit. But at other times, I am a loud, roaring fire setting aflame logs and many other things. I recalled the first time I started recognizing the fire in my soul, the fire that whispered with ever crackle, "love Me, devote your life to Me, give Me your life." I found myself knowing exactly what Mother was speaking about. I knew why she had entered the religious life, because I, too, am doing the same for the same reason: we had each fallen in love with something so different, so out of this world, that there is nothing else we can do except accept His proposal.

     After the talk, I introduced myself to some IHM Sisters that were casually idling by Mother Dolores. I told them that I attend their University and felt that I should say hello, introduce myself, get know where they were from and who they were. While this conversation was taking place, some of my Nazareth Sisters came behind me to give me kisses on the cheek before they headed out the door. Quickly I introduced the Sisters to each other explaining how I seemingly know all the nuns everywhere. We all laughed and then quickly got on our ways. 

     As I drove home, my three good friends in tow, we chatted about Mother and all she had to say. We were stopped at one of the many, many, many street lights on Street Road, when Sara who was riding shotgun happened to notice nuns in the car next to us. She screamed, "NUNS! Our NUNS!" Frantically, the girls all started waving and shouting but the Sisters, all four of them, kept their eyes ahead. I explained the whole custody of the eyes ordeal to the girlies and we had a good laugh. I knew, however, we were headed in the same direction and would probably be trailing each other all the way up the street. So, the girlies kept up their devotion to getting the sisters' attention. Finally, they did. Of course, I said to them after the fact that we were noticed, "Oh great, now they will totally be judging my driving." I was right, the sisters had followed us all the way home. At one point, Sister who was driving the car, pulled into the lane next to me. All of the sisters now were so excited to see us and were waving just as frantically as we were. Suddenly, Sister started inching forward. Sara then jokingly said, "I think she just challenged you to a drag race." We laughed, of course, because our drag race consisted of us doing 35 mph down the side streets of Philadelphia, trying NOT to get in an accident.

     And so, our nights listening to and meeting Mother Dolores Hart were eventful (as anything is in my life) and truly, she brought me back into my own reflective spirit. What I said in the beginning, is true. Mother Dolores spoke at length about the mystery of falling in love with Jesus and the religious life. While many of the lay people in the audiences merely shook their heads respectively, the sisters in the audiences knew exactly what she was talking about. Today, we find so often we try and try and try to pinpoint exactly what it is that makes men and women enter this religious life, but unless one has truly experienced it him or herself, you don't know, you simply can't. But Mother put it so kindly, just as how many of us wonder how on earth you fell in love with your husband or wife, many question the religious. But just as you did marry that questionable husband or wife, we entered religious life. There is just something about it that captures our souls forever and we fall in love. And so, truly what Mother taught us all or reiterated in us, is that finding your vocation, finding out your true calling, all comes down to the Hart of the matter. 

The Nuns Caught a Case of the Mommies

"A good mother is irreplaceable."

- Adriana Trigiani

     A good mother is irreplaceable and I have an inexhaustible number of good mothers including my own mother. I know this because every time I get a case of the cold, flu, sniffles or insane coughing, the nuns get a case of "The Mommies." It all started Friday night, when my congestion began...as soon as I finished work and headed around the bend (which is a long, dark, scary hallway through the kitchen mind you...that apparently only the real deals can handle) to Formation, I was met with two of my close nunny mommies, Sister Eileen and Sister Mary, both of whom advised me to go to bed early after they asked me if I went through the multiple step pre-caution system at the Fortress Portress which really just included me de-germing everything before and after work with Clorox wipes. As I got sicker and more congested through the week, I was getting various Mommy Sick Tips. Last night, which was the peak of my illness so far, I had a nasty cough, I used most of the tissues in the Portress Office and definitely was losing my voice. Not only did multiple sisters advise me to drink my fluids, but many also were telling me just to sleep, rest and not go crazy (like normal). Sister Honora, who is also sick, came in from work while the sisters were at prayers and we just sat together feeling the breeze come through both the open windows. Needless to say, I was having a bit of a hot flash probably from a friendly fever. Later that night, Sister Cathy said she knew I was on portress because she heard me coughing before she even came through the door...oops. It seems I have so many loving and comforting mothers, not just when I am sick but also at many other times during the year. When I am away from home and I need a mother, one of the sisters always steps up to the plate. I am blessed. 

    Since it is National Vocations Awareness Week, I figured I would take my many mothers as an example of the vocation of Spiritual Motherhood. I tell my cousin that when I am a sister, I will have more kids than physically possible. Of course, that sounds so strange at first. Nuns usually aren't mothers at first sight, you see. They do not have biological children of their own, this is very true, but they have blessed so many children with the gift of having a Mother. I see myself as a teacher but I know, too, that somewhere along the line I will be working with younger children. Both as a teacher and a caretaker, I will be a mother, like the sisters are for me, to my students. Some may not have real-life mothers for various reasons, but many of my students, especially the younger ones will need a motherly figure while at school. 

     One of the greatest examples of Spiritual Motherhood I have ever seen is my dear friend, Sister Jean. Every morning when I drop my little Lizzie off when I am home, Sister Jean not only has a smile and hug for Lizzie but also for me. She is more than willing to converse with me for a half an hour while at the same time greeting every child by name as they walk through the door in the morning. I have known her to do this for as long as I have known her, which is two years. However, on the last day home for me, I was dropping Lizzie off at school when I saw Sister Jean walk up to the car in front of me. She not only opened the door for the boys, but she picked up the youngest's backpack, slung it on her shoulder, and then picked up the little Pre-Kindergartner, because he was still too little to jump out of the big SUV like his older brother. She then placed his feet on the ground and held his hand as they walked together to the front door of the school where she gave him his backpack and led him inside. She simply gave a whole new meaning to Spiritual Motherhood for me. 

     Now there are a few sisters who I have told many times that they have been such a mother to me. One of those sisters is Sister David, who took me under wing when I was baby Freshmen in High School. I had her as a teacher for the last period of the day, and often when I was feeling under the weather, she would send me home with her Mommy Sick Tips of drinking tea with honey and sleeping in the next morning. She sometimes would even encourage me to take a day off just to catch up my immune system. When I was having a rotten day and just wanted to cry, I would sometimes go to Chapel which I knew to be my prayer space. She would just know, like a mother always does, and would casually slip into the pew next to me and pray with me. And if I needed them, she always had tissues for me in her pocket. Of course, she was never without a hug or a shoulder to cry on. 

     I once had the following conversation with one of my high school English professor, Dr. Roche, a year after I graduated. It was a known fact among many of my friends then that I was discerning religious life, but most of the professors were out of the loop. However, many had their speculations and often they would casually bring it up in conversation. The conversation went like this: "Becca, I think you would make such a good mother. You are so caring and loving and you would sacrifice anything in the world for your children just like you do your friends." "That's so sweet, Dr. Roche, but..." "Oh I know, and because I know you'd make a good mother, you'll make a great sister. Because in order to be a sister, you must first possess the gifts of a mother. You'll be wonderful." 

     I had never truly thought about that, but in all honesty he was right. All of the sisters I have known, have that motherly twinkle in the eye. Whether it was a gentle smile on the day of my hardest exam, or a hug on one of my rough days, or even a tissue from their habit pocket on a day when I was struggling with the sniffle, they had it. And each sister possessed a different motherly twinkle because no two sisters are identically alike. Now some sisters may say they became a sister because they would never have been able to handle children of their own, but in the end those have been some of the sisters that were the most motherly toward me in their own way. They may not have a hug, but they gave me the friendship of a mother to her daughter, which then transpired to a sister to a sister. 

     Sisters answer a calling to love in all forms, love for children, love for families, love for the sick, love for the uneducated, love for the poor, love for all people. They are called to sacrifice a biological family to make the world their family and thus become mothers to the people of world. And while I know that sacrifice is a difficult one and often I battle with it, thinking about how much I would love to hold my own baby in my arms, I know that God may be calling me to be a mother to many babies who have no mother at all through my vocation as a religious sister. The stories God has planned for me are a beautiful piece of literature. 

And now for a little song that I love to dedicate to my own mother:

The Worst Minor Tragedy to Ever Happen - Losing My Voice

"There is a time for speaking and time for silence; He is silencing your heart right now."

- Sister Teri

    One of the first things people notice about me is that I have a loud mouth. Most people would agree that you hear me before you see me. I blame it on my height; I have to make up for my lack of height by my loud mouth. I won't go unnoticed. Those who know me will vouch for the fact that I LOVE to talk and the joke continues that I could talk to a brick wall if I needed to...or wanted to. There are different levels of talking for me such as the basic conversation, using conversation as a ministry, reading to the little ones at school and so much more. However, the usage of my voice doesn't stop there. I also love to sing and whether it's simply singing in the car, or singing in my room to the radio, or singing in Mass, if I'm not talking, I'm usually singing. I'm always using my voice.

     And so, when I woke up on Friday morning with barely a voice, it was a minor tragedy. You see, I was headed to school that day and that drive is about an hour. To take the drive alone is one thing but to not be able to sing as loud as I needed to for an hour, I was going to die without my voice. All day, it fluctuated in and out of sounding normal and sounding like a deep baritone voice. Cute. I was spending the night at the convent at school and all Friday night and Saturday, the sisters playfully kept making fun of my lack of voice. As one sister put it, "This is Bec's greatest tragedy. She can't speak OR sing." I tried to laugh, but of course, my laughter was hindered, too. I have to admit it was quite amusing, even to myself. 

     However, by Tuesday night, I was getting frustrated. We were going on five days without a voice and I was not having it. I was even trying so hard NOT to use my voice. I resisted the temptation to call or skype people or even talk to my family. It was a hard challenge, but I did it. Regardless of how much I tried to gain back my voice, I had nothing, just the occasional baritone, whisper and frog voices. 

      While visiting the convent last night, still with no voice, a few of the sisters said that they really understood how much trouble I was having not being able to talk or sing, especially since singing is my favorite way to pray. One of the sisters told me she needed me to have a voice before our teen retreat week so I could sing for them. Another sister promised to pray for me so I regained my voice simply because five days without talking is a minor tragedy for anyone. Then finally, another sister said, "There is a time for speaking and time for silence; He is silencing your heart right now." My whole way home, in silence of course, I reflected on that. She was right; I needed to silence myself. As I am always constantly running and running and running from one thing to the next, I was in desperate need of some silence. So, I decided to stop fighting the silence, and really quieted myself when I got home. I fell asleep at 9:15pm. That never happens.

      The next day, today, I wake up and head to Mass, still with no voice. As I am kneeling, it dawns on me that it is the Feast of St. Anthony of Padua. Many people know him as the patron of lost things. So, laughing to myself at this coincidence which is really a God-wink, I prayed for St. Anthony to help me find my lost voice. I could not sing the opening hymn, but I kid you not, the moment our pastor begin to talk to me after Mass, my voice was back 100%. Get this: He was asking me if I wouldn't mind doing an informal vocations chat with the young people of the Parish. What started as just having the young women/girls of the Parish be a part of this, turned into a co-ed night and then turned into a day of vocation chats with kids of all ages, and then turned into a potential informal information day for any one who might be wondering what my life as a discerner is like. Of course, the moment God wanted, I got my voice back.

     And so, this week I have learned the lesson of silence, dependence on God and how He wants me to use my voice. I have to laugh because so many of my friends and even some of the sisters say I might turn out to be my community's vocation director one day. The truth is, I've already done so many vocation talks at my grade school and for different groups of people, that I have become the poster child for vocations. So, I am undoubtedly excited for this blessed opportunity to speak with all types of people about my journey so far and where it has lead me. And all of this from losing my voice for a few days!! I guess it wasn't really a tragedy or even a minor one at that!! God sure does work in mysterious ways!!