Happy Eucharist (That's Not A Typo)

"I got life, I got love, 

I got faith and that's enough. 

We feel sorrow, we feel pain,

But there's sunshine after rain.

So I'm alright (you'll be fine, take it one day at a time)."

- "I'm Alright," Jake Miller

      While I haven't been blogging much at all (this is only the second time this month), I hope you can each take comfort in knowing that it's a direct result of my throwing myself completely and wholly into my student teaching. Yes, my students mean everything to me. I may not have been documenting my every reflection, but by far this semester has been one of the most spiritually uplifting. I have so much to reflect on and to be grateful for. And since we are in the spirit of Thanksgiving (and I have a few days off), I figured I'd share a bit with you.

      Last Sunday at my Parish, I was so blessed to lead the first of many monthly retreats. After having postponed the first one due to many reasons, we were able to finally get together and allow the Spirit to move. I can honestly say, I was so happy and thankful to God for allowing me to use my gifts to allow thirty plus people, moms, dads, grandparents, kids and teens to retreat at my home parish. Between being able to give a thirty minute keynote speech and then sing with my dearhearted friend, Sister Catherine, I was beaming with happiness from the goodness of God. The theme of the retreat? Gratitude.

     I spoke of how happiness is correlated with gratitude. The more thankful one is, the happier. I spoke of a study that proved this and then made our retreatants write down the name of the most influential person in their lives with a list of reasons why they are influential. I told them that "having gratitude but not expressing it is like wrapping a gift but not giving it," (Ward). While we didn't share these out loud, I asked, if given the chance, would they call that person on the phone and thank them, read them the list of reasons why? Many heads shook yes. I shared my own experience of doing this and wondering who I would call and thank. I listed my parents, my friends, my college math professor, my high english teacher. Then I thought alittle more out of the box and thought of calling Peru and Jamaica. Finally, I hit the nail on the head by saying I'd call God. 

     I spoke at length about what I'd say to God if I could catch a direct line to his ear. I spoke about being thankful for all the miracles in my life and especially my students (I love them all so much!). I gave various classroom examples of my students and how much they had changed my life. I spoke about how I thank God even for the hardships in my life. But I spoke about how when I wake up, the first thing I do is thank God for letting me live another day. I get dressed and ready for the day then head to Mass. Eucharist, in our church lingo, actually, literally means "Thanksgiving." Each day, I find myself thanking God for everything under the sun at Mass. It may be a tough day, but I'm still grateful. 

     I urged the retreatants to begin by expressing gratitude for every little thing that happens in their lives. I urged them to thank God for the miracles because once they begin doing that, not only will they be happier, but they will also be able to thank God for all the hardships in their life. For truly, despite hardship and pain, God is good, all the time. Expressing gratitude is not a habit, even though sometimes I thank myself for opening the door for others and for myself, but rather a way of life. One must truly express thanksgiving from the heart each and every time in order to be happy. When people ask me my secret to happiness, I can only say that it's because I am grateful. 

     On Tuesday, it was my last official day in front of the classroom. For the next week, I will resume my wall flower position in the back of the room and watch as my teacher once again regains her students. So, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I showed them the video I will attach at the bottom of this blog. I told them that being grateful for what they have makes them happier and then I thanked them. Honestly, I'm surprised I didn't cry. On Friday, my last day, I will most likely sob hysterically when I have to leave my students. One of my favorite students hugged me on Tuesday saying it was her official hug goodbye. I hugged her in return and told her I said I still had a week. She said, "I know. But you're the best, Miss G." I smiled. I have been blessed to the nines with them, my dear cherubs, my angels. I love them and today, I am most grateful for them.

      I am so grateful for so much, for I have so much. And I know that from those to whom much is given, much is asked. Jesus, I'm ready to give you all that you ask of me. I know that perhaps my life holds much difficulty and challenge, but I know for sure that my life holds ahead much happiness. There is so much to be grateful for today and that includes the lovely family I will be spending my Thanksgiving with and my friends who will consistently snapchat me all day about their festivities. I am grateful for the heat in my house and the very fact that I will have a Thanksgiving dinner. I am grateful for my little Sisters and my big Sisters, in black, blue and white. I am thankful for all my gifts and I am thankful for the many hugs and heart to hearts I had yesterday with my IHM Sisters at school. I am grateful for the four dollars in my wallet that paid the toll home. I am thankful for the sunshine pouring in my window as I write this. But most importantly, I am grateful for my faith, for without it, I would have nothing. 

      Today, I am happy because I am grateful. I am thankful for all that God has given me and all that He will give me. I am beaming, smiling ear to ear with happiness because today is a great day. Because each day is a great day if I choose to be grateful! And today, every day, I plan to be! Happy Eucharist, everyone. And to all my Jewish friends, especially my boyfriend, Jesus, Happy Hanukkah! 

Vocations In English Class

"Miss Gutherman, 

do nuns wear pajamas?"

- five of my students in unison

     One of the first things they teach us in those "How to be a Teacher" classes is that you must never let your students know your weaknesses. Okay that might not be entirely true, but there is some truth to it. They tell us to always be a least two steps ahead of your students, to never laugh so as to encourage misbehavior, etc. Of course, showing your class your weaknesses could definitely do you in for some damage. Weaknesses such as: deviation, getting off topic, the top ten pop songs of the day, talking about family, etc. As a student myself, I know how easy it is to want to get a teacher off topic. Get the teacher off topic, waste the rest of the class period. I had always vowed to never let this happen, but it is inevitable. Especially when your students find your weakness...oh and my 8th period found mine already: Nuns.

      It all started after their vocabulary test. I was going over the assignment sheet for the next unit (the Odyssey...YESSSS!) when I decided to jump start on Monday's Poetry Appreciation Jam. We are finishing up the Poetry unit by bringing in our favorite poems or poems we have written. So, not wanting to waste those valuable ten minutes left in class, I pulled up some of my poetry on my Google Docs Drive and gave them the choice to pick one or two. They picked: "Menacing Fall", a poem I had written not too long ago about the perils of walking to work. Of course, even though they didn't even have to work, the just had to listen to me recite poetry, they wanted to get off topic. That's when the questions began: "Miss Gutherman, where do you work? You work with nuns? Is it fun? Do you know all the nuns? Are they nice?" and then all of a sudden, in unison, five of my students ask: "Do nuns wear pajamas?"

     In all the vocation talks or conversations I have given or had with all types of people, without a doubt, that question has come up. Do nuns wear pajamas? Well, yes, in fact, they do. I always laugh when I hear that question and Friday was no exception. When all of my students said that in unison, I legitimately lost all composure. I was fine answering questions until then. I just burst into hysterical laughter and I knew the class was over. I had completely lost them. Or so I thought.

     The truth is, I would do anything to talk about theology, religious life and nuns for an entire class period, but the English curriculum doesn't really lend itself to that. Bummer, right? However, I am always one for embracing the Spirit when it comes. So when the questions came on Friday, I couldn't help but answer them. I wanted them to know all about the Sisters, to know that they are real people, that they are normal. The truth is, I deviated from the lesson plan because it was my Freshmen year that I re-discovered my own vocation. I deviated because I think it's so important that students, especially those who are surrounded by the sisters, know what the life is all about. I deviated because one day, I hope to be that awesome and cool Sister who nerds out over books and poetry and literature and research writing and my students were giving me that hope. 

     When my students decided to deviate from the lesson plan on purpose, little did they know how much of a confirmation they were for me. When people ask me how my student teaching is going, I simply say: "It's so great! I absolutely love it!" There is such truth in that. I love teaching so much. I have always wanted to be a teacher, ever since before I can remember, and I absolutely love it now. I cannot wait to have my own classroom and teach my own lessons and have my own students. I cannot wait to decorate the room, dance around the room teaching and inspire. But even more so, I cannot wait to do all of this and more as a Sister. Just as young girls dream of their ideal wedding, I dream of my ideal classroom where my Husband comes to work with me everyday. 

      I didn't tell my students that I am discerning this vocation and that sooner or later I will most definitely be entering the religious life. I didn't tell my students anymore than that I simply work at the convent. However, I have a feeling that somehow, it will casually slip out. It might come during another Friday afternoon deviation from the lesson, it might come during a lesson, it might come during a conversation with my students after school or before school or at lunch. Or maybe they will just ask because I wear my heart on my sleeve and somehow they will just know. I have a feeling some of them are already catching on.

       The truth is, they didn't ask me, but after school on Friday, when I stopped in to see Sister Margaret Peter to wish her a happy weekend, she did. We are neighbors in the hallway and often we stop for a few minutes just to chat. A few days ago she was subbing for my co-op teacher and we were able to have a longer talk than usual. We briefly talked about life, her vocation story and other things.  I mentioned having my own Christian Prayer Book (the Divine Office book with which the Sisters pray daily) and going to daily Mass. I didn't think anything of it. When I stopped in, my first sentence was: Hey Sister...want to hear a funny story? My students want to know if you wear pajamas. We laughed and suddenly she asked if I was serious about religious life. Confident, I said, "Yes. Have been for quite a few years now. Someday." She smiled as if to say, I knew it. 

        I never expected my students to suddenly bring up the nuns just as I never expect anyone to call me out on my vocation. People look at me and tell me they just know. Maybe with my students, they know but they can't put it into words. However, they did ask me if I had a boyfriend. And I said no. If they ask me, I will be honest, and perhaps it will open their hearts to this life. The truth is, there was no way I could follow all those highly suggested DO NOT DEVIATE lessons I had learned in my "How to be a Teacher" classes because in all honesty, God put it on their hearts somehow and I was there with the answers. Who knows, maybe somehow, they will be inspired and answer the call in their own hearts. They may have found out my weakness, but it is actually a strength. Hey, I love talking about the nuns, but I also love leading little hearts to Jesus. Whoever thought vocations could come up in my English classroom?

And just for kicks...here's the poem that started it all:

Menacing Fall

I put my life on the line every day.

Do they know how dangerous it is to walk to work?

Squirrels and tree limbs

chuck acorns at my head.

and yet,

leaves playfully dance around me,

begging my feet to join the waltz.

the trees,

they laugh at me

hugging my sweater close against the wind.

and in response,

I return the favor,

laughing at the silliness of the leaves,

unsure of what colors they should wear today.

some choose scarlet,

others crimson,

others still fluorescent  oranges and yellows.

and then, the traditionalists refuse to change from Summer Green.

this indecisiveness yields arguments among the masses

ending in few being through from the limbs.

but on the ground, they dance and laugh with me,

mocking the unconventional beauty of a mismatched dress.

I spread my wings, finally letting the wind lead me in the dance; he is quite the gentleman.

and just as I begin to float, a squirrel chucks another acorn at my head.

I put my life on the line every day.

Do they know how dangerous it is to walk to work?

Today I Will: Teach Something!

"Learn something."

- The Blindside

      All my life, all I've ever wanted to do was teach. I would set up all my stuffed animals and teach them whatever I knew at four years old. When I started kindergarten, I would attempt to teach my one year old sister the alphabet and everything I was learning in school from letter sounds to Jesus. As I got older, I was the homework helper. I always learned best in school by teaching other students or working together in pairs. For as long as I could remember, I've wanted to teach and ever so quickly it's becoming a reality. 

     For the past three years, I have spent every single Thursday observing in various schools in various districts with various age groups and grades in various subject matters. I have always loved kids and being in any classroom always excited me. I just wanted to teach them all about the world. Every little school I was in, I was reminded of all the times I spent in my grade school volunteering as a "Lunch Sister" or classroom aide. I loved having the little ones run up to me just to say hi or show me their artwork. But I was dying to get into a high school classroom. And eventually, I got there. I observed students falling asleep in English class. The more I saw, the more I wanted to teach.

     I had been so blessed with so many wonderful teachers in my life and I wanted to pass on the heritage. I had teachers who instilled in me a love for English and Theology (and History and even, Science). I had teachers who made me excited to learn, who made me never want to leave class, who spoke to my heart about life. I wanted to do that. I wanted my students to feel the same as I did in my own classes. 

    I had a taste of that in Peru. I would jump all around the classroom, illustrating their Edgar Allan Poe short stories on the wipe off board and tell them how exciting it was to study the creepiness of the Tell-Tale Heart or the Black Cat. After school, they would gather all around me, fascinated by my accent, by my skin, by my hair but by the end of three and a half weeks, they were gathered around me asking for advice for class, for projects and for friendships. Somewhere along the line, I had made a difference. Somewhere, I had shown my students that they could ask me anything, and I would do my best to answer them. Somewhere along the line, I felt that I was achieving my dream. 

     Flash forward to this past Monday when my dream began to come even closer to coming true. I stepped foot in room 208 and suddenly, I was no longer Becca; I was Miss Gutherman. I was no longer a student at Immaculata but a Student Teacher. Suddenly, I gained over a hundred new cherubs and angels and princesses. Suddenly, I was happier than I had ever been. 

     I had asked for prayers for my first day of Student Teaching on facebook and got well over 100 likes and many more prayers I am sure. I had began my day with Mass at the Motherhouse (6:30 AM...oi) and received many hugs and kisses of good luck from my dear Sisters. Every day since, I've been reporting for duty for Mass and I have been accepted as a regular. Every morning they send me on my way to school like a million moms sending their only daughter to school. And later, when I'm at work, they ask me how my day went. It reminds me of how the mom in the movie Blindside sends her children off to school every day by saying : "Learn Something." However, instead of my Sisters telling me to learn, they tell me to Teach Something. And every day, I walk up to the our classroom thinking about what I will teach my students. 

     Already this week I have introduced Anglo-Saxon Riddles, wrote some myself and had my students, two days later, recite them in front of the class. I couldn't help but smile. We also worked on a research project in the computer lab. The English nerd in me is so excited every day walking into the classroom. Who knows what my co-op teacher is going to through in front of me? Never mind that, all teaching is thinking on your feet. It's been a few days, and this morning I was greeted in the parking lot by two of my students. They smiled, asked about my night and told me they couldn't wait to hand in their riddles. WHAT?! They were excited already?! I felt like dancing. If they were this excited about riddle writing, the rest of the Semester is going to be so easy.

     I love my students. It's been five days and already they so easily bring a smile to my face and laughter to my heart. I'm already planning to attend their sports games/matches and concerts. They usually come into the classroom with smiles so big and they are always full of conversation. Sometimes, I can't help but laugh at them. As many teenage girls are, they can be dramatic, but it doesn't make me love them less. I can't wait until I am their full teacher for a good four - six weeks. Right now, I am just doing various lessons with them. But that's okay. Everyday, I wake up at the crack of dawn excited to teach. 

     Student Teaching, one week in, has already been a beautiful taste of reality that I can't wait to fully grasp. Sometimes I want to throw my hands up in the air and proclaim how much I love teaching. And the more excited I get about teaching, the more respect I seem to get for my profession by those not in the education field. It amazes me how much of a difference a teacher can make. I can honestly say, that while I may have a million other things to do like my own homework, play practice and sleeping, I love teaching more than anything. I get up everyday at 5am for my girls. I drive straight into the sunshine everyday for these students of mine that I already love so much. I will stay up as long as it takes to conjure a lesson that will not only speak to their minds but to their hearts. Everyday, I wake up with this reminder that I have one job to do: teach something, anything, to your students, with love. 

Melt Away

    First off, happy vocations awareness week! Booyah!! VOCATIONS! Pray, pray, pray for ALL vocations! 

    Vocations awareness week for me, wouldn't be the same if I didn't spend AT LEAST one of the days with my AE, also known as the vocation director or better yet, one of my best creative friends. If the two of us are in a room together for more than a single five second block of time, brain neurons start firing in each of our brains to each other during which we come up with CRAZY ideas...like melting crayons. And so, today we decided to just casually melt some crayons into wicked cool art. Below are the results!! I have to admit, the blue one is my favorite. As we melted, I thought of all the therapy this exercise could offer. I thought that for the blues, its the melting away of sadness. For the reds, anger. Or, you could give meaning to every emotion we feel or pain, assign it a color and melt it away making beautiful art instead. Yep, sometime I'll do art and music therapy with my students in the classroom! 

    As the day stretched on, I ran down the stairs (er...rode the elevator) to the community room to dedecorate because tomorrow officially starts ORDINARY TIME!!!! It's been a tradition for about FOUR years now!! Holy Wonder and Awe; I feel old. And yet, it seems like so much longer. All I can say is, thank God I did my laundry over the weekend because, the day didn't end with Decorations. No, I picked up my sisters from school, and headed home to make dinner. My last home-cooked meal before going back to college. And oh was it DELICIOUS! Thank God for cooking talents!

    The night was still young and so, I headed over to my other frequently visited convent to say my "good-byes" to my sisters before I left. Yes, it was a perfect night and a foreshadowing again. As I lounged about with the sisters, talking to one about her classes, another about her student teaching, another about Cake Boss, I felt so perfectly at home. Yes, I worked on Student Teaching things already with one of My Polish nuns and it felt strangely accurate of what convent life will be like for me. Talking to a sister about one thing, talking to another sister about another thing all the while fixing the computer, brainstorming ideas and watching the latest episode of Cake Boss. It's like family; me and all my sisters just hanging out, not a care in the world.  It's my definition of perfection. Actually, no, it's not. If I had my PJ's on and my own room to go to sleep in, that WOULD have been perfection! NUN SLEEPOVER! It makes me so anxious for our CREW Retreat...where it's even more of a perfect glimpse into my future! Me and a house full of nuns! Love it!!

Are you SURE you want to be a High School Teacher?

    Let's set the scene: all girls' elementary academy, main office. Characters: Four Secondary Education Majors and a an overenthusiastic secretary. Question posed: Who wants to be in the Kindergarten classroom?
   That is exactly what we all walked into yesterday morning for our last Thursday of observations this semester. After observing in numerous grade schools and high schools, each one of my observation friends confirmed that elementary ed is not for them. Except, I had some seconds thoughts. I absolutely LOVE little kids, especially when I can teach them about God (I'm a Theology minor, you know). So, guess who volunteered for the sake of the children to observe the Kindergarten class? ME!
    I walked into the classroom, dressed in my business attire and heels. Had I known I would be in the Kindergarten room, I would have worn pants and flats. But alas, God gives us all blessings when we least expect them. And so, we headed to pick up our lovely children from the gym and join them in prayer. It was so great. Finally, we were in the classroom. The first lesson was a Spanish lesson and I simply observed the girls as they learned, studying each girl's personality and knowing which ones would automatically claim me as their best friend. Right away, I spotted a little girl who could easily be described as a "problem" child. However, there was more to her than originally meets the eye. She had a LOT of depth. She was observant but bored. Spanish wasn't her favorite thing. As I sat with her during the next activity, I realized that she is the type of girl I was when I was younger. I wasn't labeled as a problem child but I barely spoke (HUGE shocker, I know) when I was in the classroom. Although I was very smart, I was more interested in helping the teacher or writing or watching. My biggest thing was that I cared A LOT and I wanted to uplift people and make them happy. This little one did that for me. As soon as I walked in, she complimented me and hugged me and sat next to me and held my hand and helped me out. She was so precious.
    As the lesson went on, the girls "showed off" for me their skills of reading the "at" family (eg. words like fat, cat, rat, that..) and then we did some group work. The teacher was great in asking me to help lead a small group flash card study. YES! OF COURSE! I had a group of four girls and we talked about the words on the card, what sound their first letter made and anything relative to that picture. We laughed a good deal, and the girls we ultimately beyond that level of smart. Two girls tried to fool me about their names, but I fooled them in return.
    After the lesson, we headed to snack. I really didn't want to leave the girls who immediately took a liking to me. On our way down to the cafeteria, one of the girls took my hand and told one of the sisters that I was her new best friend and she loved me a lot. I almost cried. They all fought over who got to sit next to me and I promised to sit at every table. Then as I was leaving, their teacher asked the girls to say good bye and with a goodbye, God bless you, they did. The teacher asked me if I was sure about teaching high school girls, and while I said, I am sure, I decided that I'm going back to school for a double cert in secondary and elementary.
   I used to visit my little sisters Kindergarten class every day I had off in high school and being at the girls' academy, I was reminded of how much I love the little ones so much. I love the way they learn and teach me and play. Thank goodness the teacher asked me to come back anytime. I told the girls, as I left, that I was so proud of them for helping me learn so well to be a good teacher and that I couldn't wait to come back and visit with them! God is so good!