A Weekend of Infinite Forevers

"I guess sometimes the greatest memories are made 

in the most unlikely of places, 

further proof that spontaneity is more rewarding

than a meticulously planned life."

- J.A. Redmerski, "The Edge of Always"

     For many people, Memorial Day weekend is the unofficial start to Summer. It means weekends down the shore or up the mountains. It means the first sunburn or sun tan. It means boating, swimming and camping. And of course, it means BBQs. It's the beginning of joyous season of summer, a final awakening from the dead of Winter. And it's the false hope for teachers that Summer has begun where in reality there are a number of weeks left (haha!). Memorial Day Weekend is the time to be with family and friends, enjoying the simple times allowed to us as a result of the many lives lost during our wars. As I read on the church sign at Our Lady of Fatima, "before you party this weekend, remember while you can."

     My weekend was no exception to this stereotypical holiday weekend. On Friday, I ventured down to the great unknown - Delaware - to visit my best bud from college, Theresa. We enjoyed a walk to the Asian Fusion place for lunch, cuddling and entertaining her brothers' puppies, chatting, ordering pizza for dinner with her parents and just being with one another. We spent hours just talking to one another without the distraction of cell phone calls or texts (save for the important ones from parents). We were with one another in wholeness. It was spontaneous togetherness. 

     I also enjoyed hosting a bbq for my high school girl friends on Saturday night as we commemorated the spontaneity of our dear friend as she gets ready to hit the road for California. Not just a beautiful road trip adventure but a journey of continuing life - she's moving. I enjoyed grilling burgers, dogs and chicken of every seasoning as well as planning salads and fruit and drinks. I love being that Suzie homemaker party hostess. I got so much enjoyment from running to the stores so I could prep everything to getting creative in the kitchen with the ingredients we had laying around the house. I love being in the kitchen and creating enjoyment from food. I even said to my best friend from high school, so many people these days wish they could have someone come over and cook for them. I'm the friend who wants everyone to come over and eat. Maybe that's me being Italian and wanting to feed everyone on the street and their friends, too. I love food - so much happiness in my life has been surround by food of every kind. I can't help it. 

      As we sat around the fire eating and sharing stories, it was once again the spontaneity of togetherness. I looked later for some pictures of the night - I had three. We were living in the moment and being together. It's so difficult sometimes to really be together but there we were laughing and enjoying every moment. People came and went but despite the group of people always changing, we maintained the atmosphere of togetherness - true togetherness. As the last few of us remained, we began talking about plans for the Summer - plans to be spontaneous. Plans to spontaneously go down the beach to be exact. We laughed and said we were all too busy for something spontaneous. The irony of that comment was that almost every time we planned to do something together we never could; every time we spontaneously asked around, we were able to do something. As we continued talking, someone said, "Let's go to the beach - now." Before any of us could chicken out, we were in the car and headed to the beach. 

      There were four of us in the car and I was driving as we blasted the radio with the windows down. My friends were dressed in every one of the sweatshirts that had just been washed and now smelled like campfire. We were far from prepared for the cold wind of the beach at night but hey it was so worth it. We pulled in the first beachy area we knew and walked along the shore. We picked shells (and golf balls) and collected sand as a memory. We took a few pictures of nothing but darkness. We linked arms and walked down along the water, struggling with the shifting sands underneath our feet. We admired the stars for they were truly glorious. All this at about 12:30 at night. We got home around 2:30 and appeared to be one of the very few cars on the road. When my head hit the pillow that night, my best friend was on my floor, our feet were dirty and yet we slept better than before. Spontaneity yields much peace. 

     Mary Kate and I woke up to get to Mass and did a list of things we hadn't planned - omelettes at the diner and visits with one of our favorite high school nuns at Mount Nazareth. We drove around, laughed, shared even more stories and enjoyed the time together. Eventually when we got home after all our "spontaneous errands," I took a nap. When I woke up I played some music, did some artwork, went for a run with my dog, all things I hadn't planned on doing. It was just me and my parents so naturally there wasn't a laundry list of things to do. Hey, I even watched an episode of Grey's Anatomy - because, well, why not? 

     My Memorial Day consisted of going to Mass, watching the yearly small town USA parade with my dog and kid neighbors, lounging around in a pool, and going to another BBQ hosted by my friend's fam squad. We ended the night with my little sisters roasting marshmallows in the backyard. 

     When I got ready for bed last night, I remember watching all these memories stream through my mind. One of my friends said that when he looked to the sky, he just realized how much he wished that the day could go on forever because it was such a good one. In the words of my students, retweet. In real people speak, same, so same. These past few days have perfect and as I sit back to think about why they seemed so perfect - togetherness and spontaneity. Nothing about my weekend was really planned and I had allowed myself to be together with people I care about. It's so rare that we get the blessing to be spontaneous or to relax. We have to make time to make time. We have to pencil in every activity but we also need to pencil in relaxation time. My friends joke that they need to book a year ahead of time to get on my calendar and I pathetically have to agree. I don't like how busy my calendar is and yet, there seems to be no way around it. This weekend, I had nothing planned and as I was driving to Delaware I felt peaceful in knowing that this was going to be a weekend of random togetherness with so many people.
      My goal this Summer is to avoid filling in the blank days on my calendar. Each time I find myself looking to pencil something in, I'm going to stop and take a breath...then remember that I have a river in my backyard waiting for random dates with me and the kayak, a couple of little sisters that are waiting for ice cream and a grill waiting for me to get creative in the kitchen. Amen to spontaneity.

A Stable Presence

"Remember, the storm is a good opportunity

for the pine and the cypress to show their strength

and stability."

- Ho Chi Minh

   As Christians, we have often heard the phrases, "there was no room in the Inn," and "born in a stable." If you ask any grade school student they would tell you that Joseph and Mary searched and searched for a place to stay, but there was no vacancy anywhere (okay, they might not use the word vacancy...). This isn't something that we don't know. It's a part of us. Some may give the following interpretation. Maybe you have heard it. 

     The Inns were crowded, much like our hearts. There was no room in the Inns and no room in the hearts of the people for a Savior. Our hearts are so often crowded with the wrong things and much like today, many turned away the Holy Family. They wanted nothing to do with these two poor, young people about to give birth. Was it because of scandal? Was it because it was too late in the night? Was it because no one wanted to deal with a new born baby? No one can say. But what is known is that Jesus wasn't wanted in the Inns. Joseph and Mary found a stable and later that night, Jesus was born there, among the lowly. He was born into poverty and thus, has always been the poor people's Man. How true that the crowded Inns can be symbolic of those who have too much and no room for the Savior! How true that Jesus was friends with the sinners, the poor, the forgotten. Heck, no one was celebrating the night with the animals, were they? How true that today, it is the same, that those suffering of poverties of all types, have seemingly more room for the Savior. 

     As a child, teen and young adult, I have become so accustomed to this interpretation of the story. I have learned to love it and make it a part of who I am. I have adopted the phrase, "Manger in My Heart." I have believed that my heart, though it may be little, may have room for the Savior if I open the doors. I do know this to be true. I have made room for the stable. But it wasn't until this last Christmas that I realized I was only half way there. 

     I was sitting in a half full church on Christmas Eve with my family. All afternoon and into the night, people had posted statuses about full and packed churches and so, I was wondering where all the people were. One of my favorite memories of Christmas Eve is looking down from the Choir Loft and seeing so many people - a church packed. Yet, this Christmas, there was plenty of room. I thought to myself, well if Mary and Joseph came here that first Christmas Eve, there would be tons of room for them in this little lowly church. (Turns out, I missed the memo that there was an earlier Mass at the other church...oops.) Yes, I was thinking, even then, as if I had been trained to, about the room in the Inns. 

       The readings were yet again familiar to me, ones that I have eternally etched in my heart. There was seemingly nothing "new" about this Christmas Eve celebration. That was until Deacon John began his homily. "Inns were meant for people who come and go; people who only are visiting," is a line that has stuck with me since and will be the mantra of my lifestyle this year. I am amazed at what that little realization has done for my heart:

     Deacon was so right when he said that Inns are meant for those only visiting. Think about it: we don't live in hotels. We rent a room or two when our families go on vacation, when we are visiting in a new area for a days, when we are away on business. But, we don't stay for a very long time (probably because it would be very expensive). You check in and check out. Deacon went on further to explain that Jesus didn't come just for a visit. He came to save the world. He came to stay for a while and change the world while He was here. That's why the Inns weren't suitable for Him; they are for visitors, one of which He was not. At the end of Deacon's homily, I felt enriched. Of course, my heart and mind were reflecting on this notion for the rest of the Mass. But at one moment in one of the Eucharistic prayers, Father said something about being born in a stable. Jesus, that is, being born in a stable. STABLE. 

     As a lover of words, my mind suddenly realized an AWESOME play on words. There are two definitions of the word, stable. First, a noun, the place where animals are kept. Two, an adjective, not likely to change or fail; fully established. Deacon said that Jesus didn't come as a visitor; He came to stay. HE WAS BORN IN A STABLE BECAUSE HE CAME TO BE A STABLE PRESENCE. Now, admittedly, sometimes beautiful words make me cry. The word stable suddenly had me in tears at Communion. Jesus came to be stable, always present. Suddenly I realized that little kid me, who had made a manger in my heart was only half way there. Adult me realized that the manger in my heart needed to stay all year long; Christmas isn't just a "visitor," it is a stable celebration. 

     Now, some may ask why I waited until two weeks post-Christmas to write this post, but the truth is, Christmas isn't over. According to the Church calendar, Ordinary Time doesn't start for another week. So if someone says that Christmas is over...boom, no it's not. But also, here's the thing: I went to the food store a few days after Christmas and I was disturbed by the amount of chocolate filled hearts and teddy bears in red and pink ribbons that surrounded the entrance to the store. Valentine's Day? In the commercial USA, Christmas is over on Christmas Day and Valentine's Day takes over the very next day. Christmas has become a visitor when Christmas is meant to be stable. 

      Today is the Feast of the Three Kings. I love this feast as it is sometimes referred to "Little Christmas." It is on this day we remember the relentless searching for the Child by the Three Wise Men/Kings. What is the time lapse between the birth of the baby and the finding of the Child in the Stable, I'm not sure. But we know that it wasn't right immediately after the birth of Christ. Christ was visited by the shepherds first, then the kings. Just like any birth, we don't stop celebrating the baby the day after their birth. It doesn't go: "Oh congrats, new baby....moving on." It goes more like this: "Oh new baby...oh new baby...oh new baby....oh new baby." The Kings remind us of this notion: that Christmas is meant to last a while. Christmas isn't meant to be a visitor holiday. It's meant to be something of stability in our hearts. 

      Jesus wasn't born in an Inn; there was no room. There was no room for another family of visitors. Yet, there was room in a stable, where the Savior would be born. The Savior, who intended not to come for a visit but rather to stay, the be stable. To be the source of stability in our lives. We have those days when we wonder what is stable. For me they happen all too often. But I know these things to be true: my family and my faith are my sources of stability. Jesus is my stability. Has been from day one and will continue to be. He is my stable presence. 

Happy Eucharist (That's Not A Typo)

"I got life, I got love, 

I got faith and that's enough. 

We feel sorrow, we feel pain,

But there's sunshine after rain.

So I'm alright (you'll be fine, take it one day at a time)."

- "I'm Alright," Jake Miller

      While I haven't been blogging much at all (this is only the second time this month), I hope you can each take comfort in knowing that it's a direct result of my throwing myself completely and wholly into my student teaching. Yes, my students mean everything to me. I may not have been documenting my every reflection, but by far this semester has been one of the most spiritually uplifting. I have so much to reflect on and to be grateful for. And since we are in the spirit of Thanksgiving (and I have a few days off), I figured I'd share a bit with you.

      Last Sunday at my Parish, I was so blessed to lead the first of many monthly retreats. After having postponed the first one due to many reasons, we were able to finally get together and allow the Spirit to move. I can honestly say, I was so happy and thankful to God for allowing me to use my gifts to allow thirty plus people, moms, dads, grandparents, kids and teens to retreat at my home parish. Between being able to give a thirty minute keynote speech and then sing with my dearhearted friend, Sister Catherine, I was beaming with happiness from the goodness of God. The theme of the retreat? Gratitude.

     I spoke of how happiness is correlated with gratitude. The more thankful one is, the happier. I spoke of a study that proved this and then made our retreatants write down the name of the most influential person in their lives with a list of reasons why they are influential. I told them that "having gratitude but not expressing it is like wrapping a gift but not giving it," (Ward). While we didn't share these out loud, I asked, if given the chance, would they call that person on the phone and thank them, read them the list of reasons why? Many heads shook yes. I shared my own experience of doing this and wondering who I would call and thank. I listed my parents, my friends, my college math professor, my high english teacher. Then I thought alittle more out of the box and thought of calling Peru and Jamaica. Finally, I hit the nail on the head by saying I'd call God. 

     I spoke at length about what I'd say to God if I could catch a direct line to his ear. I spoke about being thankful for all the miracles in my life and especially my students (I love them all so much!). I gave various classroom examples of my students and how much they had changed my life. I spoke about how I thank God even for the hardships in my life. But I spoke about how when I wake up, the first thing I do is thank God for letting me live another day. I get dressed and ready for the day then head to Mass. Eucharist, in our church lingo, actually, literally means "Thanksgiving." Each day, I find myself thanking God for everything under the sun at Mass. It may be a tough day, but I'm still grateful. 

     I urged the retreatants to begin by expressing gratitude for every little thing that happens in their lives. I urged them to thank God for the miracles because once they begin doing that, not only will they be happier, but they will also be able to thank God for all the hardships in their life. For truly, despite hardship and pain, God is good, all the time. Expressing gratitude is not a habit, even though sometimes I thank myself for opening the door for others and for myself, but rather a way of life. One must truly express thanksgiving from the heart each and every time in order to be happy. When people ask me my secret to happiness, I can only say that it's because I am grateful. 

     On Tuesday, it was my last official day in front of the classroom. For the next week, I will resume my wall flower position in the back of the room and watch as my teacher once again regains her students. So, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I showed them the video I will attach at the bottom of this blog. I told them that being grateful for what they have makes them happier and then I thanked them. Honestly, I'm surprised I didn't cry. On Friday, my last day, I will most likely sob hysterically when I have to leave my students. One of my favorite students hugged me on Tuesday saying it was her official hug goodbye. I hugged her in return and told her I said I still had a week. She said, "I know. But you're the best, Miss G." I smiled. I have been blessed to the nines with them, my dear cherubs, my angels. I love them and today, I am most grateful for them.

      I am so grateful for so much, for I have so much. And I know that from those to whom much is given, much is asked. Jesus, I'm ready to give you all that you ask of me. I know that perhaps my life holds much difficulty and challenge, but I know for sure that my life holds ahead much happiness. There is so much to be grateful for today and that includes the lovely family I will be spending my Thanksgiving with and my friends who will consistently snapchat me all day about their festivities. I am grateful for the heat in my house and the very fact that I will have a Thanksgiving dinner. I am grateful for my little Sisters and my big Sisters, in black, blue and white. I am thankful for all my gifts and I am thankful for the many hugs and heart to hearts I had yesterday with my IHM Sisters at school. I am grateful for the four dollars in my wallet that paid the toll home. I am thankful for the sunshine pouring in my window as I write this. But most importantly, I am grateful for my faith, for without it, I would have nothing. 

      Today, I am happy because I am grateful. I am thankful for all that God has given me and all that He will give me. I am beaming, smiling ear to ear with happiness because today is a great day. Because each day is a great day if I choose to be grateful! And today, every day, I plan to be! Happy Eucharist, everyone. And to all my Jewish friends, especially my boyfriend, Jesus, Happy Hanukkah!