A Stable Presence

"Remember, the storm is a good opportunity

for the pine and the cypress to show their strength

and stability."

- Ho Chi Minh

   As Christians, we have often heard the phrases, "there was no room in the Inn," and "born in a stable." If you ask any grade school student they would tell you that Joseph and Mary searched and searched for a place to stay, but there was no vacancy anywhere (okay, they might not use the word vacancy...). This isn't something that we don't know. It's a part of us. Some may give the following interpretation. Maybe you have heard it. 

     The Inns were crowded, much like our hearts. There was no room in the Inns and no room in the hearts of the people for a Savior. Our hearts are so often crowded with the wrong things and much like today, many turned away the Holy Family. They wanted nothing to do with these two poor, young people about to give birth. Was it because of scandal? Was it because it was too late in the night? Was it because no one wanted to deal with a new born baby? No one can say. But what is known is that Jesus wasn't wanted in the Inns. Joseph and Mary found a stable and later that night, Jesus was born there, among the lowly. He was born into poverty and thus, has always been the poor people's Man. How true that the crowded Inns can be symbolic of those who have too much and no room for the Savior! How true that Jesus was friends with the sinners, the poor, the forgotten. Heck, no one was celebrating the night with the animals, were they? How true that today, it is the same, that those suffering of poverties of all types, have seemingly more room for the Savior. 

     As a child, teen and young adult, I have become so accustomed to this interpretation of the story. I have learned to love it and make it a part of who I am. I have adopted the phrase, "Manger in My Heart." I have believed that my heart, though it may be little, may have room for the Savior if I open the doors. I do know this to be true. I have made room for the stable. But it wasn't until this last Christmas that I realized I was only half way there. 

     I was sitting in a half full church on Christmas Eve with my family. All afternoon and into the night, people had posted statuses about full and packed churches and so, I was wondering where all the people were. One of my favorite memories of Christmas Eve is looking down from the Choir Loft and seeing so many people - a church packed. Yet, this Christmas, there was plenty of room. I thought to myself, well if Mary and Joseph came here that first Christmas Eve, there would be tons of room for them in this little lowly church. (Turns out, I missed the memo that there was an earlier Mass at the other church...oops.) Yes, I was thinking, even then, as if I had been trained to, about the room in the Inns. 

       The readings were yet again familiar to me, ones that I have eternally etched in my heart. There was seemingly nothing "new" about this Christmas Eve celebration. That was until Deacon John began his homily. "Inns were meant for people who come and go; people who only are visiting," is a line that has stuck with me since and will be the mantra of my lifestyle this year. I am amazed at what that little realization has done for my heart:

     Deacon was so right when he said that Inns are meant for those only visiting. Think about it: we don't live in hotels. We rent a room or two when our families go on vacation, when we are visiting in a new area for a days, when we are away on business. But, we don't stay for a very long time (probably because it would be very expensive). You check in and check out. Deacon went on further to explain that Jesus didn't come just for a visit. He came to save the world. He came to stay for a while and change the world while He was here. That's why the Inns weren't suitable for Him; they are for visitors, one of which He was not. At the end of Deacon's homily, I felt enriched. Of course, my heart and mind were reflecting on this notion for the rest of the Mass. But at one moment in one of the Eucharistic prayers, Father said something about being born in a stable. Jesus, that is, being born in a stable. STABLE. 

     As a lover of words, my mind suddenly realized an AWESOME play on words. There are two definitions of the word, stable. First, a noun, the place where animals are kept. Two, an adjective, not likely to change or fail; fully established. Deacon said that Jesus didn't come as a visitor; He came to stay. HE WAS BORN IN A STABLE BECAUSE HE CAME TO BE A STABLE PRESENCE. Now, admittedly, sometimes beautiful words make me cry. The word stable suddenly had me in tears at Communion. Jesus came to be stable, always present. Suddenly I realized that little kid me, who had made a manger in my heart was only half way there. Adult me realized that the manger in my heart needed to stay all year long; Christmas isn't just a "visitor," it is a stable celebration. 

     Now, some may ask why I waited until two weeks post-Christmas to write this post, but the truth is, Christmas isn't over. According to the Church calendar, Ordinary Time doesn't start for another week. So if someone says that Christmas is over...boom, no it's not. But also, here's the thing: I went to the food store a few days after Christmas and I was disturbed by the amount of chocolate filled hearts and teddy bears in red and pink ribbons that surrounded the entrance to the store. Valentine's Day? In the commercial USA, Christmas is over on Christmas Day and Valentine's Day takes over the very next day. Christmas has become a visitor when Christmas is meant to be stable. 

      Today is the Feast of the Three Kings. I love this feast as it is sometimes referred to "Little Christmas." It is on this day we remember the relentless searching for the Child by the Three Wise Men/Kings. What is the time lapse between the birth of the baby and the finding of the Child in the Stable, I'm not sure. But we know that it wasn't right immediately after the birth of Christ. Christ was visited by the shepherds first, then the kings. Just like any birth, we don't stop celebrating the baby the day after their birth. It doesn't go: "Oh congrats, new baby....moving on." It goes more like this: "Oh new baby...oh new baby...oh new baby....oh new baby." The Kings remind us of this notion: that Christmas is meant to last a while. Christmas isn't meant to be a visitor holiday. It's meant to be something of stability in our hearts. 

      Jesus wasn't born in an Inn; there was no room. There was no room for another family of visitors. Yet, there was room in a stable, where the Savior would be born. The Savior, who intended not to come for a visit but rather to stay, the be stable. To be the source of stability in our lives. We have those days when we wonder what is stable. For me they happen all too often. But I know these things to be true: my family and my faith are my sources of stability. Jesus is my stability. Has been from day one and will continue to be. He is my stable presence. 

Throwing Stability to the Wind

"If I can see it, than I can do it.

If I just believe it, there's nothing to it.

I believe I can fly, 

I believe I can touch the sky."

- "I Believe I Can Fly," R. Kelly

    It might be assumed that if I am a writer, I am also a reader. That assumption would be correct. I can currently in the middle of The Aeneid, Moby-Dick, (both for class) and Sisterhood Everlasting (for my own interest). The last one is the final book in a series I loved as a kid: Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. I was enamored with the four best friends and found a little bit of myself in each of them. I was an actress (or drama queen) like Carmen, I was in love with my heritage like Lena (she's Greek....hoopah!), I was sarcastic like Tibby, but most of all I was free like Bridget. Ironically in the books, Bridget's nickname is Bee, which was my grandmother's nickname. And people say I am most like her, too. 

    Let me describe Bridget a bit to you, and in a way,  it'll be just like describing myself to you. Bridget is always running. She is either running from her emotions or running towards her dreams. She has this deep inner piece of her heart that only wants to help people, because somehow by helping others, she is helping herself. She has a beautiful smile that is so genuine and yet holds so many secrets. And finally, Bridget has a desire to just go. Not to ruin the book for you, but she eventually packs all her things in her backpack, takes her sleeping bag with her and rides her bike all across California sleeping outside and living. Somehow that intrigues me. She has thrown everything to the wind and let her spirit take her wherever it is supposed to go!

    This morning (for some reason or another...there are never explanations for the random happenings around here), all the elevators in all the buildings were "out of order." Ironically, my first thought was: "How are the nuns going to get to Mass?" as Chapel is on the second floor of Villa Maria. But by the grace of God, they all made it. When I was leaving Mass, I headed down the stairs behind two of my sisters. One sister asked the other sister if she could hold her hand while walking down the stairs. That sister than reached out for my hand. The three of us, while holding hands and taking each step slowly and together, made it down the stairs. Behind us, one of my Sister Professors, Sister Carmel, said, "Well isn't this the most iconic trio!" Of course, this resulted in much laughter from the trio ourselves and the two other sisters behind us. Sister Anne, who had been the sister in the middle of our trio, patted my shoulder and said, "Well, at least someone around here has some stability." I laughed, but if only they knew....I had thrown stability to the wind a long time ago.

     Last night, while sitting on my bed doing homework, my Uncle Charles called me. He and his wife had just had their seventh (yes, I said seventh...) baby last Friday. "Well gee, thanks for letting me know a week later, Uncle Chal," I joked. "Yeah, well with three kids, life is anything but stable." The conversation furthered into my aunt and uncle asking me to be my new baby cousin, Emily's God-Mother. HOW COULD I SAY NO?! Ironically enough, I was the flower girl in their wedding oh....12 years ago. I felt so honored and blessed. What did my uncle say to me?: "We knew we could count on you!"

    On Sunday (as you know if you read yesterday's blog), I was a sponsor for one of the girls in my parish. When I was talking with her parents before the celebration, they said to me: "G was nervous you wouldn't make it. But we knew you'd be here. We can always depend on you." 

     In all three of these circumstances, those around me have given light to my stability and my dependability. But for so long in my life, I've felt anything but stable. Things are always changing in my life. I can never keep a daily routine, I have a spirit that goes with the wind. Change is inevitable in my life. THINGS ALWAYS CHANGE! I NEVER KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT!

     I thought about this after I helped my sisters, and had the attention on my stability come forward again for the third time. It dawned on me that while YES, I have thrown stability to the wind and have let adventure lead my life, I didn't necessarily get rid of it! You see, by throwing stability to the wind, I had given it to God. That is the only thing that is stable in my life: God is always present. 

    So, take it for what you will. If you feel like you can't catch a break, that things are always haywire, maybe they are. But one thing's for sure, God's in the Wind. I threw my stability to Him!