Call Me, Maybe? Or Marry Me?

"I have foresight and it's real.

I didn't know I would feel it but it's in my way.

All the boys try to chase me."

- Carly Rae Jepsen, Call Me Maybe

     I'm going to tell you all a secret: When I'm alone, whether it be out walking or in the Chapel, and there is wind blowing gently (or a fan), I close my eyes and breathe deep. This is the only time I feel beautiful. When the wind drapes across my closed eyelids and tickles my cheeks. The gentle breeze blows my fly-away hair strands away from my face, as if God is doing it with His own hands. Yes, if I close my eyes, and the breeze wash over me, I feel beautiful for a brief moment. 

     Now, this is not me saying that I have poor body image or a lack of self-confidence. I am happy with the way I look, however, my first priority is not my body. While I do care that I look presentable by the way I dress, I do not care to flaunt my body to feel beautiful. Instead, I'd rather be wrapped in my jeans and flannel, and have the wind blow across my face. That, to me, is beauty. For some, dressing up in a beautiful dress makes them feel beautiful. For others, it's when they are told they have beautiful eyes. And even for others, it's when they are kicking the soccer ball, running the track or swimming. We all have that single moment that makes us feel more beautiful than we have ever been before. And here's another secret: when God sends me my beautiful moment, I think He's trying to show me off as the love of His life. 

     People have told me I'm beautiful, like my Daddy on my prom night, or my grandma on  my First Communion. Some have told me I look great when they haven't seen me in a while, but somehow, there is not as deep as meaning as when the wind blows across my face. He, for me, is the only one that matters. When He sends the breeze, He is blowing me kisses and whispering in my ear how lucky He is. It is quite romantic, really. I love those moments. And yet, this morning at Mass, I wondered, what if God sent me a real kiss on the cheek through a man? Or if He whispered those words of "I love you" through another's voice? What if God sends me a man to fall in love with?

      Yesterday, I had my fourth marriage proposal of the year. Yes, it's true. And none of these marriage proposals were a joke; these qualified and worthy men were serious. Even in the way they asked was sincere: "May I have your hand in marriage?" "Would you marry me, for you are the one who completes me?" Even though I am quite a romantic at heart, I was never a believer in love at first sight. Yet, somehow, immediately, these young men fell in love with me. But I cannot figure out why?! Of course, I had to deny the heart warming marriage proposals for many reasons. However, those marriage proposals gave me a lot to think about, like the above posed question. Ironically, I do know it would be so nice and wonderful to have a respectful man hold my hand, kiss my cheeks or whisper "you're beautiful" in my ear. And for a quick second, during all of those marriage proposals, I wondered if I could sacrifice that. It's been four years since I've last had a boyfriend. Could it be time to test out a relationship? Or is this really God's plan for me, to be His and only His. 

      So, during my prayer at Mass this morning, I asked God that if He were to send me the one for me, if He wouldn't mind placing a giant sign on him saying "Becca, he's for you. Call him, maybe. Or marry him." He better be quite obvious with His plan for me if He's planning on sending me a man, because I'm pretty sure I'm in love with Jesus. Because He keeps giving me that gentle wind across my face.