You Are My Sunshine

"What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. 

These are but trifles, to be sure; but scattered along life's pathway, 

the good they do is inconceivable."

- Joseph Addison

     Let's state the facts: I am in college. I want to be a Sister. I have friends. During my first few weeks at IU, I was introduced by my friends from home as "Becca, the girl who wants to be a nun." While I was proud of my discernment at home, I hated being known as the girl who wanted to be a Sister at college. Why? Well, because at home, my friends had gotten to know me before I told them I was discerning. At college, my "new friends" hadn't had the chance to get to know just Becca. I wasn't outcast, but my friends now, admit to being scared of my judgment or my "holiness." It drove me nuts actually, that people felt they couldn't be themselves around me. But sooner or later, they came around. Now, my once leery friends accept and somewhat love the fact that I want to be a Sister. And I can't thank them enough for it. 

    The other day in one of my classes, one friend mentioned my wanting to be a Sister just casually, as it so often happens because no one is ashamed or scared of it anymore. In fact, it comes up somehow in almost every conversation. Whether we're in the caf, in class or just walking across campus, somehow it comes up. My friends know and accept that Mass is a priority every day for me. They accept that when I see the Sisters, I will usually run over to say hi, gives hugs and chat briefly. Often, they have been dragged into those quick chats. My friends often remind me of my future and more so, we joke about what life will be when I'm a Sister and they're all married to each other. I truly am so blessed to have such great friends and I thank God for them every day.

     When my friends joke about me being a Sister, it's usually about how I fulfil the stereotypes so perfectly, or how I'm being nunly. Of course, sometimes the joking is set aside and they ask serious questions about entrance, length of formation, name changes, sponsors, ministries, etc. which I answer as accurately as I can. Sometimes, very rarely, someone will ask me my story which I tell them willingly. They know I pray, because one time they asked if I pray all day. But I'm not quite sure they know what I pray about or pray for. In fact, I'm pretty sure they don't. And so, this one is for them. For my friends who know I pray but don't know what about. I pray for you.

     Often, I find myself with my friends, just listening or watching them interact. I love sitting in the cafeteria watching my friends laugh hysterically around the dinner table. I love when I see my friends who date hold hands and kiss each others' cheeks. I love when I can hear my friends laughing and talking down the hallway, because in all honesty, where else is it possible to live down the hall from all my best friends? I love hearing about all their successes, all their triumphs. I love going to all their sports games, their performances, their speeches. I love watching them be happy. If I could sit back and simply watch all those that I love just be happy, I would be happy for the rest of my life. Watching them interact with each other and laugh and smile just truly makes my heart smile. 

    I don't think my friends know how much I love them and how often I pray for their happiness. I don't think they understand how much their happiness, their smiles, their laughter makes me happy. But honestly, that's okay. I say it often that all I want is for all my friends to be happy doing whatever they desire with whomever they desire. This is the year, my Senior year, for me to truly watch all my friends' dreams come true. I get to see them accomplish beyond all their struggles. I get to see them finally achieve what they have been working for. Sometimes I look at my friends and wonder how God has blessed me so much. 

     In truth, whenever I see those I love, whether it's my family, my little sisters, my "big Sisters," or my Parish family, happy, I am happy. But rarely do I blog directly to my friends. They are people I want in my life for the rest of my life, I want them at my vow ceremonies, I want to see their marriages, to see their kids, to see them grow up happily and become those crazy old couples I am obsessed with. I want them to know that no matter where I am, I will always be praying for them, because their happiness means so much to me. And all of this I discovered through a packed car of all my friends just laughing on our way to "The Bucks" (more commonly known as Starbucks). I simply listened as they sang at the tops of their lungs, laughed hysterically and chatted. 

     And so, friends, this one is for you. You have supported me in ways one could never even fathom. You've accepted me and you've helped me accept me. I love you all and truly, I want you all to know that every single day of my life, since I've met you, I've prayed for your happiness, that you'll all find the perfect spouse, raise the family of your dreams, achieve the jobs you've always wanted, but most all that you maintain the happiness and carefree laughter I see and hear everyday. Sometimes, I feel like your mom when I say these things. But in all honesty, I'm your Sister and you are my sunshine; my golden sunshine.