She Said Yes - Nun Wedding Take Two

"Thus says the Lord:

Here is my servant whom I uphold, 

my chosen one with whom I am well pleased, 

upon whom I have placed my spirit."

- Isaiah 42: 1-2

Photo Credit: Sister Angela Szczawinska, CSFN

    It's the second semester of the school year; my last semester as an undergrad. I moved back into my dorm room on Thursday morning and spent the day appropriately for a Senior. I wondered the campus visiting the sisters, having coffee  in the caf, hanging out in offices and of course, seeing all my friends after being separated from them for three weeks. Oh, class, you ask. I don't have class on Thursdays or Fridays. I continued the appropriate journey of my first day back as a second semester senior by visiting the Motherhouse and surprising the sisters and then going back to school to hangout in my friend's room until the odd hours of the night. I woke up early the next morning, headed to Mass and then I was on my way to the train station, barely having been on campus no more than 24 hours.

    It was time for the second adventure of the year 2014 (the first, having been New Orleans): Chicago. I have made a yearly visit to Chicago (truly, Des Plaines) for the past three years. While all of those times were special, this was an extremely special time. Finally, Sister Gabriela would be making final vows and I would be blessed to witness it. So, I boarded the train like a big girl, headed to the airport, printed out my ticket, passed through security and then waited in the terminal.
    As I was waiting to board, not only did my twin friends show up (we were taking the same flight), but I also made friends with an English teacher because I was reading a book. It amazes me how many friends I can make simply by being open to the Christ in others. I was reading a book and she was impressed, because no one reads books anymore. So then we shared stories and I told her how I am becoming a high school English teacher. It was nice and I knew then, that my journey to the Midwest was definitely going to be an eventful one.
    We landed in Chicago in the early afternoon and headed to the convent while catching up on life with Sister Sandie and Sister Lucille. Upon arriving, we were greeted by so many various sisters all over the house. There was a hustle and bustle just because "the girls were finally here safe." All the sisters were worried that our flight would be delayed or cancelled. But we made it. After supper, we all hurried around the dining room excitedly as we set the tables for the big celebration on Sunday. I've never quite counted that many forks and knives, but at least I got to do so with Sister Clare Marie. Then, of course, we had our informal game playing and catching up with a few sisters before bed. To our big surprise, the bride-to-be was home early from her retreat and thank God, because as only it can be in the Midwest, the winter weather was miserable.
     The next day was spent doing all types of crazy things. We started off with Mass and then breakfast with Sister Sandie and Sister Lucille's unit (while they live in one big house, there are different branches of the building and so the sisters live in both small and large community). We had choir practice (yes, we were assumed into the choir as honorary good voices), went on a crazy adventure during which I got to navigate Little Blue through Des Plaines and visit the United Nations' Shop'N'Save, and got to spend some teatime with the Novices and one of my best friends, Sister David. In the afternoon, we were busied with baking cookies and salad for the Bridal Shower. As always, however, I was stolen away from our little group to do various little decorating things because, and I quote, "Becca's creative. She can help you." It was a choice between two of my favorite things: baking and decorating. Of course, it was a bulletin board that needed decorating and the teacher in me got super excited.
     Finally, after all our preparing, the party could begin. We celebrated the bride-to-be with laughter, conversation and pizza from Mugs. Of course conversations always spill around jokingly, hypothetically all of us becoming sisters. We joked about picking religious names or having them picked for us. For example, apparently I'd make a good Sister Rafaela because I have long, curly hair like an angel. Another suggestion was Sister Heliodora which is polish for sunflower. Both are accurate. But of course, my name Rebecca means so much. The other girls we dubbed with some slightly more serious names like "faith, hope and love." We heard many stories and laughed so much. Blessed Frances Siedliska, their foundress, even made an appearance. Let me tell you how cool that was! Very! We ended the party by singing along to some songs such as "hakuna matata," "my God," "Oh Happy Day," and "So Long, Farewell." Of course, we also listened to one of Sister Gabriela's favorite songs and immediately, I was brought to tears almost immediately as the sisters sang along as a blessing over Sister Gabriela.
     Anyone who knows me, knows I don't do the tears in public thing. So, after we sent Sister "off to bed," I sought out my dear Sister David and told her she had to hug me so I wouldn't be embarrassed crying. She laughed and hugged me. It had been months since I had seen her and even longer since I had cried with her. We cleared up the room and then headed upstairs to the community room to have a chat. We sat down and had a long overdue heart to heart about making decisions and celebrating Senior year. She reassured me that no matter what decision I make, she will always be there to love me! I felt peace and tears of overwhelming happiness. Then after getting figuratively murdered multiple times by the general councilor in some wicked games of Mafia, we headed to bed. The next day was a big day.
     We woke early for breakfast at 8:30 and spent the morning enjoying the hustle and bustle of the wedding. At one point, I found myself in the Chapel praying morning prayer but soon crying again. I admit it, I was a blubbering mess most of the weekend. That's what happens when one is in love with Jesus and He reminds you often. A few of the Polish sisters suddenly started singing the most beautiful composition of Psalm 45 I had ever heard. It was in Polish and yet, it still spoke to my heart. Sister Clare Marie came over to me, and seeing that I was tearing up, patted my cheek and said, "Jesus loves you, how could He not?" I smiled and hugged her then went back to my prayer.
     Before we knew it, it was time for the wedding to take place. Everything seemed perfect for the day. The readings were perfect, the music was perfect, the people were perfect. Of course, the blubbering baby in me came out during the Mass so many times. Like when Sister Gabriela prostrated before the altar as we sang the Litany of the Saints. And when she received her ring. And when the sisters stood to accept her as a new full member of their community. And when Mother Jana accepted her vows. And when she spoke to her parents, thanking them, in Polish, even though they were watching from Poland. And of course, when she so beautifully smiled the entire time. Wow, what a witness to be able to watch a beautiful bride make her eternal vows to her infinite Love. And also to be surrounded by so many other beautiful Brides of Christ. It was so overwhelmingly beautiful.
     We continued to celebrate by a beautiful lunch and then after the party departed, bustling around, staying busily giddy about the wedding as only young (and young at heart) women can. I even bumped into Sister Barbara Jean (after scaring her half to death) and had a little chat with her. Of course, my favorite part of the conversation was when she asked if I had a boyfriend and I laughed. She then told me she was serious and I answered very seriously in return, "Yes. Jesus." I left her by saying, "Goodbye, Mother" as she was the one who dressed as Blessed Frances the night before and she sent me off with a blessing: "Be good, daughter."
     Then, before we knew it, we were on the airplane on the way home. Of course, this was after Sister David was panicking that we would miss our flight and then being delayed an hour. Even though we were delayed, I still had to give Sister (mother) a call to let her know I arrived safe and sound in Philly. I have so many moms..and I love it.
      As my best friends drove me home, I couldn't help be share so many stories with them. And thank God they accept me for who I am, completely in love with Jesus and all. I reflected on all the tears, all the smiles, all the laughter. I thanked God once again for allowing me to witness yet another beautiful Nun Wedding. Of course, I thanked God for asking me to be His eventual bride forever. And honestly, I can't wait. Eventually there will be a blog post titled "My Own Nun Wedding" but all in God's good time. Oh Jesus, how I love You so much. And Sister Gabriela, thank you, not only for letting me witness your final vows, but also for being my friend, my sister AND introducing me to the song "Everyday God" so that I can sob every time I hear it. Kochem cie, Siostra. Dziekuje.

 

You Are My Sunshine

"What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. 

These are but trifles, to be sure; but scattered along life's pathway, 

the good they do is inconceivable."

- Joseph Addison

     Let's state the facts: I am in college. I want to be a Sister. I have friends. During my first few weeks at IU, I was introduced by my friends from home as "Becca, the girl who wants to be a nun." While I was proud of my discernment at home, I hated being known as the girl who wanted to be a Sister at college. Why? Well, because at home, my friends had gotten to know me before I told them I was discerning. At college, my "new friends" hadn't had the chance to get to know just Becca. I wasn't outcast, but my friends now, admit to being scared of my judgment or my "holiness." It drove me nuts actually, that people felt they couldn't be themselves around me. But sooner or later, they came around. Now, my once leery friends accept and somewhat love the fact that I want to be a Sister. And I can't thank them enough for it. 

    The other day in one of my classes, one friend mentioned my wanting to be a Sister just casually, as it so often happens because no one is ashamed or scared of it anymore. In fact, it comes up somehow in almost every conversation. Whether we're in the caf, in class or just walking across campus, somehow it comes up. My friends know and accept that Mass is a priority every day for me. They accept that when I see the Sisters, I will usually run over to say hi, gives hugs and chat briefly. Often, they have been dragged into those quick chats. My friends often remind me of my future and more so, we joke about what life will be when I'm a Sister and they're all married to each other. I truly am so blessed to have such great friends and I thank God for them every day.

     When my friends joke about me being a Sister, it's usually about how I fulfil the stereotypes so perfectly, or how I'm being nunly. Of course, sometimes the joking is set aside and they ask serious questions about entrance, length of formation, name changes, sponsors, ministries, etc. which I answer as accurately as I can. Sometimes, very rarely, someone will ask me my story which I tell them willingly. They know I pray, because one time they asked if I pray all day. But I'm not quite sure they know what I pray about or pray for. In fact, I'm pretty sure they don't. And so, this one is for them. For my friends who know I pray but don't know what about. I pray for you.

     Often, I find myself with my friends, just listening or watching them interact. I love sitting in the cafeteria watching my friends laugh hysterically around the dinner table. I love when I see my friends who date hold hands and kiss each others' cheeks. I love when I can hear my friends laughing and talking down the hallway, because in all honesty, where else is it possible to live down the hall from all my best friends? I love hearing about all their successes, all their triumphs. I love going to all their sports games, their performances, their speeches. I love watching them be happy. If I could sit back and simply watch all those that I love just be happy, I would be happy for the rest of my life. Watching them interact with each other and laugh and smile just truly makes my heart smile. 

    I don't think my friends know how much I love them and how often I pray for their happiness. I don't think they understand how much their happiness, their smiles, their laughter makes me happy. But honestly, that's okay. I say it often that all I want is for all my friends to be happy doing whatever they desire with whomever they desire. This is the year, my Senior year, for me to truly watch all my friends' dreams come true. I get to see them accomplish beyond all their struggles. I get to see them finally achieve what they have been working for. Sometimes I look at my friends and wonder how God has blessed me so much. 

     In truth, whenever I see those I love, whether it's my family, my little sisters, my "big Sisters," or my Parish family, happy, I am happy. But rarely do I blog directly to my friends. They are people I want in my life for the rest of my life, I want them at my vow ceremonies, I want to see their marriages, to see their kids, to see them grow up happily and become those crazy old couples I am obsessed with. I want them to know that no matter where I am, I will always be praying for them, because their happiness means so much to me. And all of this I discovered through a packed car of all my friends just laughing on our way to "The Bucks" (more commonly known as Starbucks). I simply listened as they sang at the tops of their lungs, laughed hysterically and chatted. 

     And so, friends, this one is for you. You have supported me in ways one could never even fathom. You've accepted me and you've helped me accept me. I love you all and truly, I want you all to know that every single day of my life, since I've met you, I've prayed for your happiness, that you'll all find the perfect spouse, raise the family of your dreams, achieve the jobs you've always wanted, but most all that you maintain the happiness and carefree laughter I see and hear everyday. Sometimes, I feel like your mom when I say these things. But in all honesty, I'm your Sister and you are my sunshine; my golden sunshine. 

Give Thanks

"If you only had today, what you thanked God for yesterday....

what would you have?"

- Anonymous

    Well, I'd certainly have my little sisters. Even though last night we were playfully bickering over pajama pants, blankets and hair dye, I thanked God for them. You see, every time I come home, my sisters and I pull out our true Gutherman. To be a true Gutherman, one must be able to stand up for oneself, take a punch, throw a punch, use words wisely, be able to run for your life or after someone else's life, and never forget to say I love you. Oh yeah, and eat like the stomach is a bottomless pit. And so, being home, my little sisters and I engage in various activities like chasing each other around the house, dying hair, eating lots of food (I have right reason...I'm at college, folks) and snuggling while watching movies and complaining about who is touching who with their feet. Yep, we are true siblings.

    Today, for the first time in a very long time, I went back to my Parish for Mass. It was just myself and Mary, my middle sister, so while she went up to the altar to cantor, I sat in a little pew, more than half way back by myself. I closed my eyes, and quite honestly started to fall asleep. For a few minutes, my mind and heart floated between slumber and prayer. It wasn't until two little giggly girls ran up the aisle and sat on my lap, did I wake up. These little ones, Megan and Caleigh, have been in my life for a long, long time. Every time we happen to be at Mass together, they come and sit with me. They snuggle up under my arms and sing, read and pray with me. It's precious! And so, like usual, after they jumped on me, they snuggled up. A few minutes later, my littlest sister popped into the pew, too. There I was, me and my three little girls squished in a pew, each with a book. 

    My favorite part of going home aside from seeing all the members of my beloved Parish family, is sitting with all the children. In the middle of Mass, I saw one of the Parish moms look back and simply smile. This is a very typical moment every Sunday I am home: Becca and the little ones. The best part about this is how innocently we all sing together. Being so young, they have no sense of keys or harmonies, as I have after so many years of singing, but it is still perfect. Their voices are so clear and innocent. I love it. In addition to the little ones surrounding me with song, I could hear Mary singing from the altar beautifully. So, even though I couldn't be with her up there, I harmonized with her from my pew.

     After Mass, another Parishioner came up to me and said, "I love to hear you and all the kiddies singing. When you're home, do you sing with your sisters all the time?" I laughed and honestly admitted that usually we are yelling and screaming at each other (because none of us can communicate in a normal tone of voice) and the house is usually filled with laughter. Quite a few times, I heard how blessed people were to have me back home. I collected smiles and laughs and good words in my heart from my Parish family. I couldn't help but thank God for the blessing they instantly became for me. 

    I am so thankful and grateful this Thanksgiving for my family, for good food and for love. But in particular, I am thankful for my Parish family, especially Megan and Caleigh, who continuously bring me toward God. They don't know it, and probably wouldn't understand it, but they brought me such hope, such happiness today. With their innocent smiles and laughter during Mass, and precious prayers, yes, they brought me hope and they brought me home this Thanksgiving. And of course, I'm so thankful for my very Gutherman sisters who can always bring me laughter and tears no matter what the day. I love them and I know I am so blessed. 

    And so, if tomorrow I wake up with all that I thanked God for today, I'd have my sisters, my family, and my Parish family. And even though, I didn't thank God for all of the material goods I have like a bed, heat, running water and food, I'd survive. Because if I thanked God for the material goods but not the people that mean the most to me, I'd still have nothing. But with them, I have everything. I could live without comfort, food and water, but not without my family. It's a reminder to me that yes, those are "added pluses" to my life, "extra blessings" and I thank God for them, but only after I thank Him for the most important people in my life. Thanks God, for all those people. And of course, for the added blessings You have given me!

"The Hottest Nun-To-Be..." - A Reflection on Beauty

"Find a man who won't simply fall in love with your body and what it could offer him, 

nor your personality or charm, but rather,

find a man, a true gentleman, who will fall first in love with your soul. 

That, ladies, is true love."

- Professor Mooney

     I am a woman! And as a woman, I know that every woman desires to feel confident. Women spend hours upon hours upon hours trying on dresses and outfits, curling or straightening hair, applying layers and layers of make-up, and of course, trying on every single pair of shoes in the closet. There is more time spent in front of a mirror making oneself up than actually enjoying the dinner, dance or date she is going on. And while it can be so fun to get dressed up and made up, what my dear sisters, is the real reason inside? Deep down inside, we make ourselves up for the same reason Eve hid in the garden after she ate the apple (that Adam didn't protect her from, mind you...). Eve was scared to be seen, and so are we. 

      The truth is there is such depth and beauty in a woman. It lies in her soul. Everything a woman does, if done with all her gusto and passion, starts first with a spark in her soul and thus, her soul shines forth in everything she does. However, the soul is a delicate part of a woman, and we are afraid to show it because of its nature. Because of our souls we trust easily, and we break and hurt easily. And thus, we hide it. Except, every so often, a tiny part of our souls peek out...when we break open our beautiful smiles. And it's during that quick moment of letting loose, that someone compliments us and we find our confidence. We desire that confidence, we desire to be called beautiful, we desire to be loved. It is part of the nature of womanhood. 

      Last week, I had the beautiful opportunity to travel to downtown Philadelphia with six of my peers for a Dinner/Dance/Gala/Bash. We were representing our lovely university with one of the youngest non-profit organizations in the city: Back On My Feet. This non-profit started with a young girl organizing a group of homeless men to go running in the morning. This expanded to the entirety of the city and now three times a week, BoMF runs with multiple groups of homeless and volunteers. This three time a week running eventually turns into running marathons, getting jobs and renting homes, thus, giving the once homeless a sense of responsibility, community and getting back on their feet. What a great honor to now be affiliated with this organization.

     Now, as you can see from the pictures, the required attire was cocktail dresses and suits, with....sneakers. Personally, that was my favorite part. We had such a great, fun time getting dressed up and wearing our sneakers. While at first it seems humorous, it was such a beautiful sight to see a sea of dresses and suits and a floor of sneakers. It was so wonderful to embrace a community not only sharing a meal together, but dancing the night away. And if you know me, you know I love to dance. That's when I feel beautiful!

      When I got home, I posted the pictures from the night for all to see so they could have easily shared in the fun. Of course, we all did the typical change of profile picture and cover photo once the pictures were up. And then the comments on the pictures came. One of them, I will always remember: "You are the hottest nun-to-be." Ironically enough, that was not the first time I've heard that said about myself. I've heard it a few times. And so, of course, I began to reflect on that statement.

      What does it mean to be "hot?" To me, I first think of 110 degrees in the dead of summer. However, our society has taken the word "hot" and made it slang, thus meaning, what people used to say as "good looking," "smashing," "dapper," and of course, "beautiful." I used to take offense to being called hot, because it made me think of what we, as women, have to do in order to be consider "hot." Young girls and women would not such as dress up but dress off. Meaning, wearing next to nothing...if you ask me, I'd be cold, not hot. So, I made it my mission to tell my sisters how beautiful they really are with clothes on. I made it my mission to be a physical example of how a woman/lady/girl could be beautiful. It's been my mission to promote true beauty!! The true bearing of a soul! And the courage and confidence behind it!

      When I got the notification of the comment on my photo, I had to laugh because in truth, that word "hot" has become such a synonym for "beautiful." I looked at the picture and thought about how good about myself I really felt that night. And the best part was that I was COMPLETELY DRESSED! Heck, I even was wearing sneakers!! I felt great, because I knew deep inside, I wasn't showcasing my body, but rather my soul.

      Someone once told me that I wear my heart and soul on my sleeves, one on each side. He said I'm not afraid to bear my soul to people, to be heartfelt. He told me that I don't need make-up or fancy clothes, because when I wear my smile, I am most beautiful. Finally he said, when I laugh (and it's pretty obnoxious) I can somehow change the world. And my dear ladies, that's what beauty is. It's being confident enough to wear a smile. You don't need perfect teeth or any teeth at all, just those two upturns of your lips. You don't to showcase your body, but rather, your heart, your soul. Laugh,and enjoy the life you wear given!! And maybe, next time you go out, wear your sneaks instead of your high heels. Are you "hot" because of what you wear? Or "beautiful" by how you act? I prefer to be beautiful, don't you!! And trust me, you are ;)

      As for being the "hottest nun-to-be," Jesus sure is one lucky Man, huh? I mean, sometimes, I swear God made me with an extra twinkle in my eye just to show off. Sorry, guys, I'm His!! 

When the window in the mom van doesn't go up all the way...sadness

Being a typical girl.

Love this girl so much...leaving a legacy <3

The left side of the table...

...and the right side of the table.

Potential to be best friends? I think so!

Are You Willing to Ride The Coaster With Me?

"I always feel like I'm on a roller coaster, but I never want to get off. There's a certain high you're always on."

- Leonardo DiCaprio

     Many of you have heard the metaphor, "Life is a roller coaster," or, "I've been on an emotional roller coaster." As a young kid, I always loved roller coasters. I loved the thrill of buckling in and of speeding up the initial slope and going at super fast speeds. As I got older, I ventured to those upside-down coasters and eventually, even the ones that go backwards at high speeds. I absolutely loved roller coasters and I still do. There is something so thrilling about going at high speeds over bumps and through twists and turns, upside-down and backwards. Most of the time, I could easily throw my hands up in the air and let go freely, knowing that I was strapped in for the ride. The feeling of flying through the air, with the wind in my hair and my wings spread was amazing. However, there were some roller coasters as a kid that sometimes I would have to hold onto because I didn't weigh enough to be held down or I was scared and reached out to hold the hand of one next to me. 

      My love of roller coasters can easily be adapted to my discernment. Discernment of any kind is an emotional and spiritual roller coaster, especially when applied to my discernment of religious life. There are so many instances where I might feel overjoyed and then spiritually neglected. There are days when I can only smile beamingly because of how aware of God I am or days when all I want to do is cry. There are days when I feel like I am so ready for this life and days when I just want to give up. Yes, it is very obviously a roller coaster ride for me. For some, discernment is a straight and easy ride, but because God knows how much I love roller coasters, He is sure taking me on the ride of my life. You see, many people don't like the emotional roller coasters and yet, I am at peace with the roller coaster of my life. 

      Now, aside from my love of roller coasters, there is something else we must think about: who is on this roller coaster with me? Some people truly dislike roller coasters or they cannot ride the coaster but while they won't/can't ride with me, they'll be waiting at the end of the ride or cheering me on from the queue or taking my picture as I ride. Some people love roller coasters just as much as I do and are more than willing to the ride the coaster with me. These are the people who are willing to put their hands up right next to me, or hang on for dear life when life gets scary. Finally, there are the people who will ride with me but with hesitation. They are more scared to ride the coaster than I am. You see, I can't force people to ride the emotional roller coaster of my discernment, but I can invite my family and friends to ride. Some may ride and some may "sit this one out." Either is ok. It's comforting to know that there are some willing to ride and others willing to cheer me on. Regardless of who is with me, I am at peace knowing that my discernment will not be an easy and smooth ride; it will certainly be a roller coaster of the most extreme. Are you willing to ride with me?