"We must attract them with joy."
- St. Katharine Drexel
Lately it seems all I have been doing is things way out of my comfort zone. As I slowly got dressed and ready to go this morning, I kept thinking about how uncomfortable I was about to do something I hadn't done in a while. It was going to be awkward, I just knew it. Going to a place I haven't been in a long time, to talk to people I haven't spoken to in an even longer time was going to be utterly awkward. And so, because I needed to get it out there, I tweeted "All I'm doing is constantly going out of my comfort zone." Within a few seconds, my friend Kathy tweeted back at me : "@nunbetter_BG92 Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. You're #winning. Own it." I knew that was God.
I got into the car and drove the ten minutes down the road to a place I used to frequent more when I was much younger. I parked the car and headed straight to the cemetery. If someone was going to help me out, I knew it would be my girl, Sister Thomasita. And so, I stood there (freezing, mind you) and chatted away with my dearheart. You see, she is my reason for coming to the Sisters of the Blessed Sacrament Motherhouse. She is the reason I pray. She is the reason I ever started discerning in the first place. And even though I never got to tell her, she knows and she looks out for me as if God specifically told her to be my Guardian Angel.
After a few moments with her, I headed to the Chapel where I met Sister Odessa. She greeted me with, "My sister, my little sister, oh my sister you've grown up so much. Get in my arms." This woman is someone I barely know and yet, I know her so well. She is a beautiful woman of God and such a great SBS Sister. I hadn't seen her in over a year and yet, she still welcomed me as if it was only yesterday she saw me. Suddenly, I felt a twang of home in my heart. Soon after we visited Katharine in the Shrine, we headed all throughout the Motherhouse to get to the dining room for lunch. This was going to be the interesting part!
We walked in and all I could smell was a Louisiana Kitchen. I suddenly realized why I loved New Orleans so much. I was raised to love it; it's in my spiritual blood. All of the sisters were enjoying some Cajun Jambalaya and Southern Spicy Fish; it seemed perfect! Sr. Odessa and I sat down at a table in the corner and began to enjoy our lunch as we talked about being an educator in today's world. Usually, I'll admit, when I am around new people, or people I do not know well, I'm not much of a talker. The internal me (this is hard to believe for many people...) is actually very quiet, shy and has an intense comfort zone. This was definitely out of my comfort zone, and yet, I was talking much more than I normally would. Before I knew it, a few other sisters I had never known before until today, sat down at our table. Conversation was flowing wildly; I never expected it.
Like I said, talking about things very personal to me is so hard for me to do even with friends (and they will tell you it's hard to get things out of me...). I wasn't in the least bit shy or quiet or even uncomfortable. In fact, I felt right at home. I felt a love for these sisters I had never felt before in my heart. To make things even better, their President (they don't call her Mother General or Mother Superior) came over just to say hello and wish we well on my upcoming New Orleans trip (I leave Sunday...am I packed? Nope.). I felt so very blessed.
As lunch was ending, Sister Odessa had to head to a meeting and so another dearhearted sister lead me out. However, leading me out also meant a stop to her bedroom for a book on the Chapel at Xavier University in New Orleans and another stop in Chapel, where she blessed me and thanked God for my presence (that's actually never, ever, ever happened to me before.). Then, she proceeded to walk me to the car and you will never guess what happened. It started snowing. Just another confirmation from God that I was where I was meant to be at that moment.
As I drove home, I couldn't help but think of things that had once been so prominent on my heart. From the very beginning of my discernment, I put my foot down saying I wasn't meant to be a Sister of the Blessed Sacrament. I didn't want people to believe I was doing it as a "pay-back" to God for the miracle He gave my Daddy. I wanted people to believe it was God calling me, because it was me not because I was miracle boy's (my family's nickname for him....) daughter. I grew up with them, yes, but I didn't know them like I knew the Sisters of the Holy Family of Nazareth or the Sisters of the Immaculate Heart of Mary. I had no discernment history with them! I love both the CSFN and IHM Charisms and know so much about the work they do. Yet, I know barely a thing about the SBS. I could tell you every CSFN Province in the world and every country the IHMs have been in. Yet, nothing again about the SBS. Of course, every single time I walk into that Chapel, I can only think one thing: Mother walked here.
This past Summer, when I found out that the parish we stayed at in New Orleans used to be an SBS mission, I almost cried. The building, apparently used to be the old convent where Mother Katharine herself stayed when she visited. SHE WALKED THE SAME FLOORS I DID!!! How could I have forgotten that she did ministry in NEW ORLEANS?!?! Like honestly, I was kicking myself for forgetting. And then again, when I was in Jamaica in August. Mama K never went there, but given the chance to go international, I think she would have. What was I doing when I was in both places that I realized the spirit of Mama K so deep in my heart? I was ministering to the poor, the abandoned, the homeless all that she herself had done. But the biggest was that I was with the African Americans and Jamaicans. Her ministry was to the Native and African Americans. It all became so clear in my heart and mind. How could I have possibly ruled them out without giving a deeper look into their charisms and spirituality and ministry?!? HOW?!?
Every time I visit the SBS Motherhouse, I get chills. It's as if Katharine is right there with me. I remember back when I was a Sophomore in High School giving an interview on Katie's Feast Day. The reporter asked me what my relationship with Katharine was like. I answered, "I don't really have one, I don't really know her yet." How right I was. But now that I've been doing the same ministries as Mama K, and literally walking in her foot steps, I am blown away about how much of her spirit I share with her. I am blown away by the chills that run through me when I touch the pews she sat in, when I walk the halls she walked, when I pray next to her. Chills because Mother Katharine lives through me. When I look at the picture above, I can honestly say how familiar she looks to me, like a friend, like a sister. Of course, the more I learn of her life, her humility, her words, I feel closer and closer to Mama K, more than ever before.
When I was with the Sisters today, I heard so much about their work in different places throughout the United States. I heard about the joy they spread and as I contributed so much more to the conversation than I thought was ever possible, I felt their joy radiate in my hear. When Sister was walking me to the car, she said something that I will always remember: "We don't see as many vibrant young people like you here. You gave me hope today. Our world needs you because you are like your grandmother (Bea!!) and so much like Katharine. Oh if only she knew you. We need another Katharine, we need you." With a hug and a kiss on the forehead, my newest sister sent me on my way. Somewhere in my day was another confirmation of my path in life. Whether I am meant to follow in Katharine's footsteps even closely or simply always carry her with me, remembering my roots, where this whole thing started, I'm not sure. But God was with me today and He gave me such a beautiful experience. And to think, none of it would have taken place if I didn't step out of my comfort zone!! Thanks God. Thanks Mama K!
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