Throwing Stability to the Wind

"If I can see it, than I can do it.

If I just believe it, there's nothing to it.

I believe I can fly, 

I believe I can touch the sky."

- "I Believe I Can Fly," R. Kelly

    It might be assumed that if I am a writer, I am also a reader. That assumption would be correct. I can currently in the middle of The Aeneid, Moby-Dick, (both for class) and Sisterhood Everlasting (for my own interest). The last one is the final book in a series I loved as a kid: Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. I was enamored with the four best friends and found a little bit of myself in each of them. I was an actress (or drama queen) like Carmen, I was in love with my heritage like Lena (she's Greek....hoopah!), I was sarcastic like Tibby, but most of all I was free like Bridget. Ironically in the books, Bridget's nickname is Bee, which was my grandmother's nickname. And people say I am most like her, too. 

    Let me describe Bridget a bit to you, and in a way,  it'll be just like describing myself to you. Bridget is always running. She is either running from her emotions or running towards her dreams. She has this deep inner piece of her heart that only wants to help people, because somehow by helping others, she is helping herself. She has a beautiful smile that is so genuine and yet holds so many secrets. And finally, Bridget has a desire to just go. Not to ruin the book for you, but she eventually packs all her things in her backpack, takes her sleeping bag with her and rides her bike all across California sleeping outside and living. Somehow that intrigues me. She has thrown everything to the wind and let her spirit take her wherever it is supposed to go!

    This morning (for some reason or another...there are never explanations for the random happenings around here), all the elevators in all the buildings were "out of order." Ironically, my first thought was: "How are the nuns going to get to Mass?" as Chapel is on the second floor of Villa Maria. But by the grace of God, they all made it. When I was leaving Mass, I headed down the stairs behind two of my sisters. One sister asked the other sister if she could hold her hand while walking down the stairs. That sister than reached out for my hand. The three of us, while holding hands and taking each step slowly and together, made it down the stairs. Behind us, one of my Sister Professors, Sister Carmel, said, "Well isn't this the most iconic trio!" Of course, this resulted in much laughter from the trio ourselves and the two other sisters behind us. Sister Anne, who had been the sister in the middle of our trio, patted my shoulder and said, "Well, at least someone around here has some stability." I laughed, but if only they knew....I had thrown stability to the wind a long time ago.

     Last night, while sitting on my bed doing homework, my Uncle Charles called me. He and his wife had just had their seventh (yes, I said seventh...) baby last Friday. "Well gee, thanks for letting me know a week later, Uncle Chal," I joked. "Yeah, well with three kids, life is anything but stable." The conversation furthered into my aunt and uncle asking me to be my new baby cousin, Emily's God-Mother. HOW COULD I SAY NO?! Ironically enough, I was the flower girl in their wedding oh....12 years ago. I felt so honored and blessed. What did my uncle say to me?: "We knew we could count on you!"

    On Sunday (as you know if you read yesterday's blog), I was a sponsor for one of the girls in my parish. When I was talking with her parents before the celebration, they said to me: "G was nervous you wouldn't make it. But we knew you'd be here. We can always depend on you." 

     In all three of these circumstances, those around me have given light to my stability and my dependability. But for so long in my life, I've felt anything but stable. Things are always changing in my life. I can never keep a daily routine, I have a spirit that goes with the wind. Change is inevitable in my life. THINGS ALWAYS CHANGE! I NEVER KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT!

     I thought about this after I helped my sisters, and had the attention on my stability come forward again for the third time. It dawned on me that while YES, I have thrown stability to the wind and have let adventure lead my life, I didn't necessarily get rid of it! You see, by throwing stability to the wind, I had given it to God. That is the only thing that is stable in my life: God is always present. 

    So, take it for what you will. If you feel like you can't catch a break, that things are always haywire, maybe they are. But one thing's for sure, God's in the Wind. I threw my stability to Him!