Do You Need A Heart Transplant? Get One This Lent!

      "Are you ready for Lent?" she asked me. "YES! I can't wait! I love LENT!" I answered overenthusiastically. Poor Sister almost had a heart attack when I said that. She stopped mid-step and thought about what I had just said for a few seconds. "Well, I guess that's a good thing. Good practice." 

      I realized that the more I said I loved Lent, the more crazy looks I received and the more explaining I had to do. Is it such a bad thing to be so in love with Lent? Hmm... So, to clear it up. I am not one of those crazy people who still believe in self-mutilation as the best form of penance or a lover of sacrificing just for fun. In fact, my Lenten fast this year is coffee....it's KILLING ME! But rather I love Lent because it is the epitome of God's love for us. We journey through Lent aware that the end result is the Last Supper, the Crucifixion and the Resurrection...however depressing, ending in the happiest of happy endings!

     So, here's my story: Maybe I've mentioned my Grandfather before. He was my best friend for the first four years of my life until he passed away. I never got to know him spiritually until many years later. One of the ways I was able to do this was by stealing (ahem...borrowing) my daddy's copy of The Diary of St. Faustina. I found it on his bookshelf with all his spiritual books and since he wasn't reading it, I took it. I have yet to finish it, but I am in the process. Anyway, when I opened the book, between two pages fell a prayer leaflet (extremely old and beat) with the Novena to the Sacred Heart on the back and the below image on the front. Under the image it said, "With all my heart, with all my heart, I love you." I later added "I desire you" under the words. The image so struck me that immediately I started crying. I had never seen the Sacred Heart handing over His heart. Week later, after I had taken the prayer leaflet and put it in my Liturgy of the Hours book, my dad realized I had stolen his book. He asked for it back, but I told him I wasn't done yet. He said, "As soon as you are done with it, I want it back. It was your grandfather's copy." So, I guess the prayer leaflet was his, too. But I'm keeping it!!

     The image is a beautiful one to reflect with during lent. On Ash Wednesday we hear, "Rend your hearts not your garments." Jesus is handing over His heart for us. But, as we all know, a human being cannot survive without a heart. So, Jesus needs a heart is return. He wants yours! He wants your heart, however broken, shattered, torn, hurt. He wants to take all your pain away and give you a new heart. We also hear, "I will break your hearts of stone, and give you new hearts." Well, here is your new heart: the very heart of Jesus. You are so loved by Jesus, that He is willing to give you His ever perfect heart in exchange for your beat up heart. And yes, with all of His heart, with ALL of HIS HEART, He loves you; He desires you. 

     This Lent, truly rend your hearts to Jesus so you can get a new one. Render back what belongs to Him, your heart. Jesus loves you so much that He gave you a heart transplant. A HEART TRANSPLANT!! And then He died for you. That's true chivalry, true love if I ever saw it. Yes, He loves you, and this is why I love Lent. It's just so romantic. I gave Jesus my broken heart; will you give Him yours?

A Cafeteria Whoops...Humilty At It's Best

    Sometimes you meet that Sister who is just so real, so legit, and who can easily remind you how human you are. I know plenty of them. However one of them is who I share a pew with every so often. She is the one who sees me on campus and tells me to move because I'm in her way, who smirks and says, "Peace Be with you, Valentine," on Valentine's Day and tells me that I looked like an idiot when I fell in the Cafeteria. Truth is, she's right all the time. And I love her for it. And if I didn't have the buddy-buddy relationship I do with her, I'd be shocked that a NUN could talk to me like that...or anyone. But really, it's just me she likes to tease.
    And so, this is what happened. I was just casually minding my own business, walking back to my table after getting my lunch and filling my cup with Cranberry juice and Gingle Ale, when all of a sudden, my foot found the ice on the floor. And you can guess what happened next: Nope, food didn't fly everywhere, nor did I spill my whole drink. Out of everything that could have happened, two chips flew off my plate and a fraction of an ounce of juice spilled over the side. Wow, I actually had balance. What I won't have any more is the ability to kneel at Mass for at least the next week because of this catastrophe.
    My knee right away hit the hard tile floor while my food remained safely on the plate. Immediately, I stood up, ran to the nearest table and grabbed some napkins. I didn't even think that the whole Cafeteria saw me fall, nor did I really care. I just wanted to clean up the water I slipped in, so no one else slipped. Well, my attempt to even walk anymore was foiled when I couldn't move. Thank God for the Cafeteria manager who ran to my rescue to clean up the water. Meanwhile, as I was standing there with napkins in hand, my Sister came over and says, "Wow, you just looked like an idiot falling in front of the whole cafeteria. But lucky for you I still love idiots. Did you get hurt?" LIKE WHAT?! Did she really just say that? On the verge of tears because my knee hurt, I said, "Yeah, my knee hurts." And so she asked if I would be alright, since all the nuns know about my busted up knee (I have pinched nerves in my left knee from various convent excursions) and then gave me a hug. "I still love you," she said. And I had to hold on because I would have lost it. After I regained my dignity, and found out that barely anyone saw me fall, I ate my lunch, laughing about the whole situation. Thank God for the Sisters who keep it real and keep me humble! Too bad for the bruised knee though...

The Flat and Windy City

     The first thing I thought as soon as I stepped off the plane: "This place is flat. Really, really flat." Seriously, it was. Now granted, I go to school on a mountain (really, it's just a hill) but I'm naturally from Philadelphia. Man, that place is like the Alps compared to Chicago. However, I'm told it's not as flat as Oklahoma. Hmm...

     Anyway, so let's start in the airport. There I was, all packed, having just skipped my Spanish class, waiting for my Sister. She arrives and we get our tickets then walk through Security. "Oh hell, Sister," the security dude says as he gives her a weird look that screams "OH MY GOSH SHE HAS HAIR UNDER THERE!" when she whips off her veil. I didn't think anything of it. Actually, I had no idea she even took it off. She walked through, then me, myself and Jesus walked through. I messed it up because I moved my head and then I had forgotten to take off my knee brace so I had to get patted down anyway. Good thing I wore jeans, tis all I'm saying. 

      You know, I have a secret love for the airport and for flying. I always wanted to get my pilot's license and if I could have one super power it would be to grow wings and fly. I love it. I guess it's because I loved swinging on swings when I was little, and the feeling I get when I sing and am so filled with Love of the Lord is that I could take off and fly. I just love flying. So, unlike most people who are paranoid about flying, I was completely fine. And passed out almost before the plane even left the runway. 

      When we finally landed, after my two hour nap, one of the my new sisters picked us up! It was wonderful. She was an absolute hoot and right away greeted me with a hug, even though we were stopped in the middle of traffic. I loved her already! I got a mini preview of parts of Chicago which confirmed my feelings of it being super flat AND saw the first EVER McDonalds. There is a plastic man inside that waves at unsuspecting passers-by. Weird. We got to the convent and right away I was greeted with more energized hugs and love. I felt like a brand new addition to the family. Oh wait...I was. Since the others weren't getting there til later, I was able to get a tour of the Noviate and the Provincilate both of which are on the same property. Both were beautiful. I was surprised when I saw one of my closest sisters come out of no where and freak out when she saw me. It was wonderful. When we got back, I took a nap. Oh the college student in me.

      We had supper and activities together which was lovely and hit the hay early. The next day we headed out REALLY early for the Chicago Nun Run. It was VERY interesting. We literally "ran" to three different convents of different communities with a bunch of discerning young women and spent time with each of them. It was great and very cool to learn about different communities in the area. One community was just founded in 2009 and had three novices as members. Pretty cool!!!!

      We got back just in time for supper and recreation. I seriously love convent meals, but y'all already know that!!! After supper we played Apples to Apples, my personal favorite and an old convent tradition. It was glorious. Playing the game with all types of sisters, some who primarily speak Polish, some who take it literally, some who don't, some who aren't English majors (oh wait....everyone) and some who just never understood the game's purpose!! I loved it!!! 

      Sunday was my favorite day, as it usually is because of all the Jesus time!! We were up for breakfast, then morning prayer, then faith sharing, then midday prayer, then Mass, then LUNCH...all before I had to catch the plane home to the dome. The moment I walked into the Provincilate, I was once again greeted with LOVE and hugs from complete strangers who already knew my name, who had been expecting me. Precious. Faith sharing with those who were strangers no more, was amazing. My favorite line was, "And He grasped her hand." I shared that and later during Mass, when I was sitting with the same sister who spazed on Friday, during the Our Father, she grasped my hand and reminded me that she always would when she walks with me through my journey. The best part about Mass was sitting between two musically inclined sisters and all of us naturally going off into three part harmonies on every song. PRECIOUS!!!

      Before long, my Chicago adventure had come to a close and I was headed home on a plane with my AE, my Sister. Together, we chatted about how great it was for me to get to see Chicago and we watched the sunset behind us. It was beautiful! In a heartbeat I'd go back. Only this time, I hope to be proven wrong that Chicago is as flat as I think it is!!!

Sorry If I Infect You...Joy?

"Let anyone who comes to you go away feeling better and happier. Everyone should see goodness in your face, in your eyes, in your smile. Joy shows from the eyes, it appears when we speak and walk. It cannot be kept closed inside. It reacts outside. Joy is very infectious."

- Mother Teresa of Calcutta

     Many of you are probably wondering what happened to me? Why haven't I written? Where have I been? Well, here's a few things: I turned into a real college student. I have been busy reading and writing papers. And I've been all over the place, including Chicago. So finally, here I am, half way through February and writing. 

     Technically, I am at work right now. But the phone hasn't rung in about two hours. I think it's safe to say that Fridays are a very quiet night here on the homefront. I was sitting here reading some Mother Teresa (because I'm sitting on the board for Women's History Month planning. Woohoo student advocates!!!!!) when I came across the previously stated quotation. It made me think.

     I've been so busy in the past few weeks, traveling, doing homework, reading and working, that I wonder how many people I've met along my way that have left my presence happier? It made me really reflect on how many smiles I could have shared but didn't because I was running here, there and everywhere. I wondered how many people I didn't infect with my natural Joy. Or how many people I wasn't even joyous to. And then, I decided that I needed to go back to my ways, my roots, my nature. So, I'm making a change.

     Starting right now, despite my business, I am going back to smiling at everyone. No matter if they stop to talk to me or not. I am smiling. If we stop to talk, then I was meant to be there for that person. And if I'm late to something because of it, well, God will work through it. I decided that I will be joyful, no matter how much I have on my plate or how much I've been running. AND I decided that a joyful person needs more sleep. So...I'll be getting to bed for 2 am this week. 

    I'm promising you all right now, that I will infect you. I will spread my happiness all over you. And I hope you all can leave my presence feeling better and happier, just like Mama T suggests I do. And I promise to be back on the blog, keeping up the strain of discernment. I'm working on it. Next week I'll be on retreat, so I'm sure I'll have plenty enough to say for that. 

     Stay tuned for the next few blogs for I will be enticing you with tales of the Flat and Windy City, my Cafeteria adventure, and What It's Like To Be A Chapter Groupie!! God bless!!!

Please Excuse the English Major in Me While I Fascinate You With Some Literature :)

"Be grateful to God for testing you, as He did with all our ancestors." - Judith 8

"There is nothing I hate more than a man who is not serious about meals." - The Importance of Being Earnest

"I will die for you if you promise to love me in return." - Ancrene Riwle

     If I haven't said it before, I'm an English/Education major. Which means a few things: I love to diagram sentences for fun, I love GRAMMAR, I love Poetry Analysis and I LOVE ALL TYPES OF LITERATURE! However, I am also a Theology minor. Which means a few things: I love Jesus, I love apologetics, I love Scripture and I LOVE THE LITERATURE IN THE CHURCH (e.g. The Bible, The CCC, the Book of Canon Law, the encyclicals...). Put all of my studies together and you get one giant book nerd who happens to relate everything back to Catholicism in some way; or my discernment. 

     So here's the deal: Last week was rough. If you read my last blog post, you know. And I'll be honest that really until this morning at morning prayer (which I literally had to drag myself out of bed for, mind you), I was still mulling over my hardships of last week. Then, we had a reading from Judith in our morning prayer book. The very first line? The first quotation I gave you. Yep, imagine who starting laughing right away. Me. Hearing those words really gave me the extra umph I needed today and now, because of it, I feel I can write!

     In the past week in classes, we have covered many, many, many different types of literature. Granted, that's expected because all but two of my six classes are literature courses. YAYAYAY! Anyway, the past week's assignments were as follows: READ The Importance of Being Earnest, Ancrene Riwl, and The Chocolate War. If you've read any of those, you'll feed right in. If not, hold on for the ride of your life. The first is a play written in the Victorian Era, (1895), by Oscar Wilde. If you know me, you've come to realize that I simply adore sarcastic and satirical writing. Earnest fills that right away by using a play on words. It was a joy and a hoot to read. But now HOW on earth does this relate to my life now? In the play, food plays a huge part. Read above, again, the second quotation. I agreed right away when that line was spoken. 

     I've always mentioned that my favorite way to discern is over a good meal. I really believe that in preparing, eating and cleaning up after a good meal, one's guard truly comes down and people become more vulnerable and honest than in any other situation aside from sleep deprivation. You could blame my love for food on being Italian or being a Naz Acad Grad, but really it's a necessity of life and we all must depend on it. It's a normal human function, and great conversation comes out over a good meal. Therefore I totally concur that every one must take their meals seriously!!

    The third quotation I give you is from Ancrene Riwl which is actually a rule book, based on the Beneditine Rule, for Anchoresses (aka people like Julian of Norwich who practiced solitary, contemplative life). We read it in my English Literature to 1500's class as part of "Old English Literature" You might be thinking, "What is so great about a RULE BOOK?" Well, within the book there is a parable of the Christ-Knight figure. In the story, there is a young maiden after whom the Knight is pining. He attempts, without end, to gain her interest and love but she repeatedly refuses his love. Taking drastic measures the knight tells her He would die for her if she promised to love him. She agrees and he dies. Sound familiar? HELLO Crucifixion story!!! It was the single most romantic parable of Christ I had ever read. Granted, I've written some short stories about Christ in a modern light, as the great romancer, but truth is most people don't see Him that way. I do, partly because WHAT GIRL DOESN'T WANT A PRINCE WHO WOULD DIE FOR HER? The ultimate sacrifice, people, the fullest example of SELFLESS LOVE! Yeah, Jesus is pretty romantic. So, you can see how I easily fell in love with the story. It's sooooooooo good!

    Finally, The Chocolate War, for my Young Adult literature. Maybe you have read it? Maybe you liked it? Maybe you hated it? To each her own. So real quick, let's see. It's about a candy fundraiser in a private, all boy, catholic academy that is run by brothers, and everything goes haywire. It vaguely reminded me of the Magazine drive at my high school, the private, all girl, catholic academy run by the sisters. Like oh my gosh, did it sound familiar. However, we never got as nasty as the characters do in the book. But they're boys. The ironic thing was, I actually liked it. Even though I completely disagreed with every the book offered morally. And there wasn't a happy ending. I guess that's life. Regardless, it was a good book. Not something I would give my students to read, but still a good book.

     And so, there's my English lessons of the day put into a nutshell for you!! If you haven't read the books, read them. Let me know what you think. And then, I challenge you to find God or Jesus or Mary or some form of Catholicism in any book you read. Using Spiritual Reading books is cheating. Find a regular novel, one that wouldn't be associated with Religion and find God in it. I can promise you, He's there. And if reading isn't your thing. Try it with music. Yes, I've found God in Linkin Park and Eminem. Shocking, but true. Enjoy the challenge!

Even the Best Fall Down Sometimes...A Story About Doubt

"Even the best fall down sometimes. 

Even the wrong word seems to rhyme. 

Out of the doubt that fills my mind, 

I somehow find, You and I collide."

- Howie Day, Collide

    Let's be frank, here (notice I didn't say Frank, because I prefer Becca to any other name for myself.): The blog description says this: A blog about the ups and downs of taking the road less traveled by, etc. Today, I'm turning a "down" into an up. 

    We all suffer doubts at some points in our life. Whether you're doubting your college major in your senior year,  or doubting whether or not you really like your significant other, or doubting that the pizza you had for lunch was actually good for you or even doubting your confidence on a test you studied eight straight hours for. Or maybe it's deeper doubt, like doubting your profession/occupation in life, or doubting that your role in a single person's life, or doubting God. They say, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." And for me this Doubt, this Doubt is, "What if all I thought was right for me, was really just an inlet for others to find God and their vocations, and really God hasn't revealed any of His REAL plan for me."

    I began to think, what REALLY drags me to Mass every morning? Was it pure love of the Lord or fear to stray from the routine? When I find myself sitting before the Lord a few minutes before Mass saying, "JC, I've got nothing. Absolutely nothing," that scares me. It makes me want to cry because I don't know what to hold onto. It's as if the string of hope is a mere sewing thread. I feel like I'm holding onto the ledge, dangling over the Grande Canyon, by my fingertips, getting ready to let go. I feel like all I've ever thought was God's plan for me, the religious life, might not be truly His plan. 

    And then I think, after I post a questioning status that all the nuns hop on like it's the newest trending hashtag on Twitter, what about Mother Teresa who spent all those years in a Spiritual Desert? What about all those saints who felt like God was silent? They became SAINTS! I'm not saying I'm going to become a saint, but that all these HOLY MEN AND WOMEN felt like God was silent, too. They doubted. They felt like giving up. I needed someone to be God's voice to me and right away, those voices of God came. 

    It's like the sisters know (now, without having to even see my face) that I'm dealing with doubt and need some help. For the first time this week, I went to morning Mass instead of Noon Mass, and my piano nun chose "The Lord is my Hope" for the entrance hymn. Right away, it was like a mass text went out to tell everyone that Becca needed prayers and encouragement. Actually, truth is, a text did go out to those cell phone savvy but not Facebook savvy sisters around me at school that I needed prayers. I quickly found that the majority of the sisters on campus and at the Motherhouse knew of my ailment and began to storm Heaven, for they, themselves, knew the power of Doubt and how much it hurts. Before I could cry another tear, I was getting spiritual direction via text messages and Facebook chats. And even at Mass yesterday morning, the kind smile from a sister and another sister taking the seat next to me, reminded me that God is not silent; I just wasn't listening. 

    While I may still be in a period of doubt, it has lessened greatly due to the voices of God who helped me out. And I've come to realize that this "uncertainty" of sorts is a normal feeling for anyone but especially for young people discerning this call to religious life. And so say a prayer for all those who may be going through enormous amounts of doubt in their vocation. If you've been there before, you know how much those prayers can help! And here's to making the down an up!

I Survived Death Roe...Bea's Pro-Life Story

   If you were born after January 22, 1973, you have done an incredible feat. You have survived DEATH ROE! Most people have commonly heard the term Roe V. Wade and they know what it stands for. It was the event that LEGALIZED abortions in the US (oh what HORROR!!!) But most people don't know that, "Roe," Norma L. McCorvey, the woman for whom the bill was passed is now Pro-Life, regrets her decision to abort her unborn baby and now speaks all over the US. Maybe you've heard of Gianna Jessen, the woman who survived a saline solution abortion in the 7th month of her mother's pregnancy. And how about, Lila Rose, the college student who sneaks into Abortion Clinics and exposes cases of abuse. She is the founder of Live Action, her pro-life movement. These are all among the most well known, pro-life names. And yet, while all are such inspirations to me, there's one woman who tops it all: Beatrice Gutherman. Yep, my grandmother. 

    Mother of eleven children, she was the epitome of CATHOLIC FAMILY during her time. She was a stay-at-home mother who was involved in both the school of her children and the family Parish. Among all the things she did, her biggest fight was the fight for the right for life. Rumor has it, she was arrested twice and yet, never convicted for being a passive protester outside of Planned Parenthood. Rumor also has it that she told every young woman entering the Planned Parenthood that she would adopt her baby if she went through with the pregnancy. In the end, Bea never had to adopt any other children because those women, touched by her prayers and sincerity, always went through with their pregnancies and kept their babies. Rumor also has it that her Pro-life legacy lives on. Ok, so the first two are really true facts given to me by my Daddy and the last one, that's true, too, because I carry on her legacy. 

      I never knew Bea, but whenever I'm getting ready to fight for the right to life, I beg her intercession. Whenever I'm praying outside Planned Parenthood or Marching for Life, like I did Monday, I feel her presence with me. There's so much of my grandmother I wish I knew and yet, I've heard so many stories that I feel like she's my best friend. When I finally decided to discern the religious life, Bea was the one I wanted to talk to; no one else. I wanted Bea's opinion on it and I wanted her to be proud of me. From what my uncles' say, she'd be more than proud of me. I wanted Bea to hold my hand during Mass, or come visit me at school, or drive me to retreat, or pray with me, or even just sit and chat. Heck, I'd do anything if I could just get a hug from Bea and maybe it's asking too much, but a kiss on the cheek would be pretty great, too. There is SO MUCH I wish to have had from Bea, because I know I am her grandchild, her legacy and her pride and joy. And on nights like tonight, when my world seems to be crashing down, and I am doubting everything, I wish I could call Bea up and talk to her, have her pray for and with me, and maybe she'd visit me tomorrow if she could...if she was here. Maybe she'd make me skip classes and walk with me all day and let me cry with her arms wrapped around me. And while I may never know what Bea would have said to me about my discernment or my fights for the Catholic Church, I still feel her peaceful presence with me. And while I never knew her in this life, her life lives on through me and my legacy that I will leave on this earth. And in the long run, SHE is the very reason I am a Death Roe survivor. My Pro-Life story is her Pro-Life story and her legacy is my legacy.