How to Date a Discerner for Dummies Pt. 2

"Don't be afraid that a good guy 

won't love you because of your past. 

If he defines you by your past, 

he's not that good a guy."

- Jason Evert

    Okay, I know I promised that part two would come the day after but being a Campus Minister is sometimes overwhelming. We got back from our final Senior Retreat yesterday - I can breathe again. So like I said: this is a two part series. If you haven't read part one yet, I suggest you do that before continuing on this one. Here's the link: How to Date a Discerner for Dummies Pt. 1. 

     I have been known as many things: teacher, student, sister, friend, confidant, listener, nutcase, retreat leader, but most commonly - nun-to-be. It is true; for the past seven years I have openly discerned a vocation to the religious life. It's obvious by the way I act out my faith, the way I openly talk about the Sisters and my love for them, my knowledge of community, and obviously, this here blog. While at first I was shy about discerning, I have become more and more open about discerning due to the fact that a. I have a story to tell and b. God has asked me to share my story to bring others closer to Jesus. I have done as the Lord has asked, I have received backlash, but more importantly I have received support. 

     Many people have asked to here my story and so I've told it many times. I never introduce myself as Becca, the girl who wants to be a nun. However, it seems that people can just tell; I wear my heart on my sleeve. I mean if you google my first and last name, all that comes up are pictures of me and a bunch of nuns. So. Many. Nuns. Discernment has been a roller coaster of ups and downs and in-betweens. Sometimes there have been straight drops, or even loop-de-loops or upsidedowns. I've loved it. It's been an adventure. Discernment, being with the Sisters, who I consider my best friends, is amazing. No matter how hard it gets, I love it. 

     So, of course, you're probably wondering why I wrote/am writing about dating a discerner. Well, here's the thing. I'm a discerner with a boyfriend. Yes, I said it. (It literally took me ten minutes and a lot of prayer to even write that sentence). It may sound extremely confusing because well, nuns don't date, don't marry, don't have literal families. Yes, I know that. But discernment is a life-long journey and this is part of it. 

     I have fondly referred to him as "the other JC" in many blog posts. Joseph is his name and he pursued me relentlessly for an entire year before I finally said yes to dating him. We had gone to school together for four years. We were friends but we didn't get close until we both decided to do Orientation together for two years in a row. He would occasionally try to hang out with me over the summer but we live an hour from each other and it was difficult for us to get together. The Summer before our Senior year, I remember going on a walk during one of our breaks during Orientation. He was talking about a girl he liked, someone he knew from reenacting and how to go about asking her out. Of course, I said, "If I were her, I would love...." (Sometimes I think it was a ploy to get me to spill the beans!). Things never worked out with her and at the beginning of our Senior year he decided to tell me how much he liked me. 

     To any other boy on campus, I was "off-limits." Everyone knew, including Joe, that I had my heart set on the convent. I was going to pay off my loans as soon as possible and discern entrance into a community. You know what the say about plans: if you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans. On occasion, Joseph would ask me on a date and I wold deny. Although one night after a long play practice, I was starving and I agreed to going out (very late) to the diner for breakfast at midnight. As I sat across the table from him, I found myself thinking: if only he had come around a few years before, I might have given this a chance. He opened the doors to his car and the building for me, he helped me with my jacket, he paid for my meal, he offered his arm for me to hold onto him so I wouldn't fall, he smiled gently, I questioned the plans I had. 

      There were a few other instances when I found myself agreeing to attending senior events with him but only as friends. I was sure that even if I did say yes to a date I would eventually break his heart. My fear of that combined with my heart feeling so ready for the convent pulled me away from him. Yet, full aware that the convent was still my choice, he pursued me in the purest ways possible: going to Mass (Sunday and daily) with me, joining the choir, praying with me, reading with me, learning more and more about his Catholic faith for and from me, and even going on retreat with me. He would leave me notes about praying for me and sometimes drop off flowers. He was so gentle and loving; it was hard not to find myself in chapel many nights in tears because I might have been falling for him. 

     I continued to go to discernment retreats with the Sisters and spend oodles of time with them. I was so happy and content after being with them that I was still so sure of my vocation. Yet, God would send Joseph into the Chapel sometimes while I was there. He would send him to my bedroom after I had ignored text after text just to have him hug me while I cried about not knowing. God sent Joe to be my escort to the Senior Ball dance during which I had so much fun being with the only other completely sober one in the room. We drove home at one in the morning blasting the same acoustic folk song the entire way laughing about all the fun moments we had just as friends. 

     I loved Joe for becoming one of my closest friends my Senior year of college but even at Baccalaureate Mass, while I was singing in the Motherhouse Chapel for the IHMs, I felt my heart bursting with joy and love for my vocation. Joe never made Baccalaureate as he was on a two week long pilgrimage/vacation with his family. The week before he came home, I left for Peru again with my best friend and a few other crazy girls and nuns. I had fallen in love even more with my vocation there. So why, only a week after coming home from Peru, did I say yes when Joe asked if he could introduce me to his reenacting unit as his girlfriend? Well, here it goes....

     Joe has done everything I mentioned in my previous post. He treated me like a princess before I ever said yes and has continued to treat me like a princess. He has never once pressured me into doing anything that would take me away from my vocation like other young men might. He was never in this to "get the girl" but rather to protect my heart. He saw something about me that even I didn't see in myself. He taught me to accept my beauty. He taught me that I'm worth it, a battle I have long fought. He taught me that I deserve every ounce of dignity and respect he gives me. He reminded me day after day that he was praying for me in my discernment. All this and we were only just friends. 

     I used to say that I had had my bout of dating. But the more I thought about it, the relationships I had in 8th and 9th grade were far from a true dating relationship. They were with young men, who after a while, wanted more than I could give. The more I thought about those relationships, the more I realized that they didn't know how to or weren't in this relationship to protect my heart. They weren't true dating relationships. Which, let me define a true dating relationship real quick: going on dates, just you and him; spending time walking down streets and holding hands; spending time having conversations in which you contemplate great works of literature or music; praying for one another; making the relationship about two people not one; and much more. In some way, I was disrespected in these relationships. It wasn't a real shot at discerning marriage - what dating truly ends up to be. 

      When I got so serious about religious life, I decided that the dating scene was no longer for me. Yet, once again God had different plans. Joe, the man with the same initials as Jesus, was sent into my life. Telling you that I spent nights crying and praying about dating him is an understatement. It was so hard. Letting someone love you is a very difficult thing to do, especially when it's hard to love yourself. Yet, God sent Joe to me in the most beautiful ways possible. 

      The Sisters tell me that I should pursue a real dating relationship before I enter so I know both sides of the story. Many Sisters have told me that their boyfriends were the ones, who after praying with them for so long, helped their final decision to enter the convent. Perhaps that is what Joe is meant to do for me; be the true and pure dating relationship and the one to help me fully understand my decision to enter religious life. It's scary sometimes, but I can now months later, openly admit that I am dating someone that God sent me. I am dating, I am discerning marriage and I am discerning religious life at the same time. And how, you may ask? Well let me just tell you a story. 

     Last night I had just come home from our last Senior Retreat. Joe was at work and I felt the desire to go out (despite being utterly exhausted). I went where my heart lead me. I came home to find a letter addressed to me from one of the Sisters. I took that as my sign to go see them. Within an hour I found myself traveling in a car full of nuns to the movie theater. As we watched the movie, we cried, linked arms, laughed, and had deep conversation about the movie after. When we got home, I found myself in the community room at almost ten at night chatting with one of my lifelong Sister friends about life. I called Joe when I got home and told him about my Nunny adventure. However, the whole ride home, I had tears of joy and question rolling down my face. 

      I still see my Sisters often. If I don't see them, I write them or text them or call them. I still discern my vocation to religious life. I love them, I love being with them, praying with them and loving others with them. There are nights when I tell Joe that I need to pray alone or journal, and he understands. He understands that I do not belong to him simply because we are dating. He knows that I, regardless of my vocation, belong to God. He is fully aware that I may still enter religious life. Every day he reminds me that he's praying for me as I discern my vocation.

     The truth is this: I have spoken to a few Sisters about this current dating relationship and they are happy. They are happy that I am happy. And I am, this is true. I still feel so much a part of me belongs to the Sisters and I will continue to discern with them. I know there will come a point and time where I will either have to break up with Joe or I will have to "break up" with the Sisters. Either way, I feel called to serve the Lord. I have given my life to Him already and the license to do with it as He pleases. I belong to the Lord. I am His. My heart belongs to God and I trust Him. God put Joe in my life for a reason and whether that reason is to simply so me love and self-worth or to spend the rest of his life with, I know that this is all God's plan. Of course, if I do enter religious life, I want him there with me. Heck, I'd love for him to be the one to drop me off at formation, wherever that may be, and hug me goodbye for a little while. I want him and his family there next to my family (oh that's the other great thing...his mom and grandmom and aunt all prayed and still pray for my vocation before Joe and I even started dating). I want Joe to be there when I make final vows. I want Joe to be a part of it, because he is only in my life because God wants him here. 

     So, that;s that. I finally admitted to having a boyfriend, after about nine months. I admitted to still discerning a vocation to religious life. I admitted all the things that so many people already knew. I am God's. I am my Beloved's and my Beloved is mine. Jesus and I are still as in love as we were before Joe came into my life. And yes, I love Joe, too, for He is the one currently protecting my heart. I am blessed beyond all measurement. If you have any questions concerning my current state in life, take it up with God. He knows far better than I do. 

How To Date A Discerner For Dummies Pt. 1

"She doesn't belong to me, 

she belongs to God.

I am simply the caretaker of her heart on God's behalf."

- anonymous

      Every "For Dummies" book should come with a disclaimer. So the disclaimer for this blogpost: dating a discerner is not for the weak or faint of heart; if you do not already care more about her heart than yours, maybe you should put this book down. But then again, maybe you should pick it up. 

     Let's start at the beginning: who is a discerner? A discerner is someone on a journey to finding out his or her life vocation. A discerner is often serious about devoting time to prayer during which he or she speaks with God on the topic of his or her vocation to single life, married life or religious life. However, a discerner is never NOT a discerner as discernment is a life-long process. In this specific case, our discerner is a young woman very seriously discerning religious life. 

     You must have specific qualifications to even be considered for the dating process: you must be gentle, kind, loving, faithful, and obviously, you must be a devoted Catholic. Having a beard, musical talents and a love for adventure also helps. However, these are not required. 

     It's obvious she caught your eye from the very beginning. It was probably her unique selfless attitude by which she served a lot of people. Often this attitude has caused her to run into class a few minutes late, be late to a dinner arrangement, or even to work (but don't worry she works with nuns). You saw it in action when she would walk a sister arm-in-arm across the icy tundra called campus, or helped a lost visiting family but not giving them directions but rather giving them a personal tour, or perhaps by how she stayed up for hours consoling a friend or sister, or how she would spend odd hours of the morning or night praying Chapel for the entire world. 

     Another thing that caught your eyes was how she laughed joyfully at the simplest things like pillow fights and puddle jumping. You probably saw her walking around praying her rosary in sandals at every time of year. Maybe you heard her singing at Mass or sitting with the nuns in the cafeteria, a local restaurant or even driving somewhere. You admired her courage for truly living out her faith so actively. That being said, you probably witnessed her wildly defending her faith beliefs with Scriptural and Catechetical evidence. There wasn't a belief she couldn't prove to anyone. She was also a feminist which scared you but somehow made you really fall for her anyway. But overall, what captured your attention the most was her mysterious happiness. Even on her worst days, she could find joy. It was an awesome mystery and it made her so beautiful. 

     If you have agreed to any of the above, well, let's just say, I know your kind. I know your kind very well, as I am no stranger to being asked on dates (sounds pretentious, but seriously...I have lost track). So let me just give you a few tips for dating a discerner: 

1. You need to allot at least two hours every Sunday for Mass. She either is cantoring, reading or being a Eucharistic Minister, so she has to be there early. If, on the off chance that she is doing none of the three, she will be there early regardless. You know that black book she carries around that everyone calls her Bible? Well, it's not a Bible, it's a prayer book. She'll be found on St. Mary's side of church about midway at no later that a half hour before Mass. If you want to catch her eye, show up early. You better show special devotion to Joseph but also Mary. Of course, if you really want to catch her eye, ask her to teach you how to pray Divine Office/Liturgy of the Hours. She will teach you without even questioning why you want to learn (most young people do not know what Liturgy of the Hours is). Of course, if you are musically inclined, join the choir. 

2. You need to have a good ear for listening. And no, not just to her, but to God. Yes, listening to the woman you are pursuing is so incredibly important. While it may be difficult, you will have to listen to story after story after story about the nuns and all her Nun-Tastic days. She will tell you about so many nuns that you will get confused. Do not act confused. Worst case scenario, just refer to the nun in her story as Sister. It's okay if you struggle at first. She won't expect you to know all the Sisters' names like she does. She will tell you stories about people you may never meet like all the people she met on service trips. Listen. But again, you need to listen not only to her with full attention, but you need to listen also to God. While she is discerning her own vocation, you should be discerning yours. God is speaking to her heart and you need to attune your ear to His word, too. If you're in love with her, you need to be in love with God. Listen to Him just as you would to her. 

3. You need to have strong arms and shoulders. You need to know that while she is a very independent woman, she will occasionally need a shoulder to cry on and strong arms to hug her. Usually this will happen when the reality hits that she is no longer on a mission trip. She will most likely sob uncontrollably about missing all the people she loves so much. You know, the people she only knew for a few days or a few weeks. You may not understand how she can fall in love with all types of people and miss them so terribly that she literally has snot running down her chin. You will realize that to the naked eye this is wildly unattractive (the snot thing, that is), but her deep emotional bond with people she served will make her so beautiful. Tell her that. And when she tells you to shut up, do that, too. 

4. You need to have a complete understanding of the Stations of the Cross, the Rosary, Adoration (Holy Hour) and Daily Mass. If you do not have a complete understanding of these things, you must have a deep, sincere willingness to learn. Chances are a lot of her free time will be devoted to praying in all these forms. Even if she does not have free time, she will make time. She will get up at the crack of dawn for Mass. She will pray her Rosary between events of the day even while walking to and from various places. Adoration will be on her calendar every week. You might want to ask her to help learn these various forms of prayer. And do not reserve learning or praying to just moments with her. Do it on your own. While you're looking for ways to deepen your relationship with her, deepen your relationship with God. 

5. You need to understand that Katie D, Big T, Little T, Mama T, Mama Mare, SJ, Alphie and Iggy are not just other people.  These are her nicknames for the saints because the saints are not just holy and highly revered people in the Church. They are her friends. They will be referred to as such. Do not get jealous if she is spending a lot of time with Alphie, Iggy, TA, SJ or JC. These are the men that help her live her life. There words are important to her. Get on their level. 

6.  Do not take a declined date too personally. She probably can't actually go on the date because of a prior engagement such as Praise and Worship, Adoration, a walk with one of the six million nuns she knows, a skype date with one of them, or even a scheduled phone call. (Those are a real thing - nuns' schedules are VERY demanding and allow for few moments of free time). If she is already engaged in another activity during the time of your proposed date, compromise and ask if you can join her for Adoration or Praise and Worship. 

7. Understand her heart. Know that she will have a very hard time ever saying yes to going on a date with you. Her heart has been very much set on entering religious life for a very long time. Again, do not take it personally if she says she is not ready to date or if she must seek advice from one of her closest Sisters. Also understand that asking her Sisters for advice yourself may result in them telling you she is off the market because her heart isn't ready yet. Her Sisters will then direct you back to Number 2. If she trusts you, which she should considering you are already good friends, she will tell you why. She will tell you her discernment story. She will tell you about her prayer life. She will confide in you. Again, see Number 2. 

8. Know that being friend-zoned for Jesus really isn't that bad. Jesus is really your only competition, but you can't think about it that way. Jesus has always known her heart better than anyone ever will. She may join you on a diner date at eleven pm because that's her only free time, but at the end of the night, the last person she is speaking to will be Jesus. I highly suggest it being the same for you. Make Jesus the last person you talk to at night. Give as much priority if not more to your relationship to Him as you have for your relationship with her. 

9. Be able to lead her heart even deeper to Jesus. She will naturally lead you to Him. She kind of can't ever avoid talking about Jesus ever and it's kind of cute. Make your faith a priority. Make learning about it enjoyable. Invite her to prayer with you, don't always leave the holy stuff to the discerner. Get comfortable with talking about God's goodness. (Please note: when she says, "God is good." You MUST respond with "All the time." If she repeats you by saying, "All the time," YOU NEED TO RESPOND WITH "GOD IS GOOD.") Start recognizing the little things in your own life that are a gift from God - the sunrise, the sunset, the moon, the beautiful weather, the snow, the cold, etc. Lead her closer to Jesus by being the hands and feet of Jesus. If you don't know what that means, look up the teachings of Big T. Lead her to Jesus and not into temptation. 

10. You may only get to hold her hand during the Our Father. Do not take that for granted. You may also only get to hug her during the Sign of Peace. She's probably a cheek kisser (even to strangers); understand that the cheek kiss might be the farthest you EVER GET WITH HER. Her purity and chastity will always be a top priority in her life. Do nothing but uplift her dignity and promote her chastity. Then always pray the seat in the pew next to her is open. 

11. It's not going to be easy. She will share her spiritual battles with you. She will tell you outrightly when the devil is on her back and she needs help fending him off. Fight for her not with her. If she is having a hard time with her spiritual journey, her doubt or even where she should go on her next mission trip, pray with her. Understand that her spiritual battles will become your spiritual battles and yours will become hers. She understands suffering more than you can imagine and she will pray you through your battles. Pray her through hers. 

And finally...

12. Know that her heart belongs to God, no one else.  Even if on the off chance she actually says yes to going on a date with you, know that it was a very tough difficult decision her. She probably prayed for a few months or even close to a year about it. She asked God for direction and after so many times of you being there for her at Praise and Worship, walking her home from work, praying with her, she will know that maybe God needs her to go on a few dates or even date someone seriously for a little bit. She will still discern her vocation to religious life during your dating period but she will also give prayer devotion to the option of married life. You will have to understand that her weekends will sometimes be devoted to discernment retreats at different convents. She might also go on silent retreats where she will not contact you or anyone. It's her and God time. She will still experience spiritual battles, probably in a deeper capacity than before. She will need your strong arms and shoulders more often than before. And if, after praying so much about dating you, and seeking the positive advice of her Sisters who say "you need to serious, wholly, purely date someone before you can enter fully knowing this is your vocation," she decides that she will be your girlfriend for a little bit, know that she may very well still enter religious life. So if she dates you and eventually breaks up with you for Jesus, you can rest positively knowing that her heart belongs to God. Your job is to protect her, uplift her dignity and understand that God still may very well be calling her to religious life. Right now, God needs you to love her in all the purest ways possible.

      I think 12 tips on How to Date a Discerner for Dummies is good enough. I'm not suggesting you go out and find every girl who wants to be a nun or enter a religious community and try these tips on her, because they may not work. This method is not 100% guaranteed. However, these are my tips speaking from personal experience. They worked for someone I know and he is still very much aware of my deep discernment of religious life. In fact, one of our intentions every week is for clarity on our vocations. But that's another story for another time. This is Pt. 1 after all. 

Surviving Scurvy - A Story of Retreat

"We loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night."

- Sarah Williams, "The Old Astronomer"

    This time last week, I was admiring the falling snow from my bed, which I so strategically moved next to the window. I was attempting to sleep away a nasty version of the stomach flu in time for our second Senior retreat at school. I was also hoping to be fully recovered for Ash Wednesday, but the more I laid in bed and still felt horrible, the more I realized it was a possibility. In fact, my school principal encouraged me to stay home. As I sit here feeling a bit frigid, part of me wishes I was back in my nice, warm, comfy bed. But then I remember how I, with the help of a lot of my students, got over scurvy. I wouldn't trade those days for the world. 

     Scurvy. It's a disease more commonly associated with pirates and sailors, NOT high school teachers. It's a deficiency of Vitamin C and not commonly known about high school students. It also is very rare in today's day and age. However, when my student leaders (after panicking the entire day I was out sick from school) asked me about my illness and I told them it was the Norwalk Virus, also known as the Cruise Ship Virus, their imaginations immediately led to them thinking I had scurvy. Needless to say, in an all girls school, word that I had scurvy got out quickly. They say that laughter is the best medicine. To say that I was starting to feel much better because of all the laughing was an understatement. My neck, however, was still feeling kinda off. 

     It seemed that from all the sleeping I did the previous four days, my neck muscles got kinda stuck. There was a nice shot of pain each time I tried to move my neck even the tiniest bit. So, I iced it, took tons of advil and prayed I'd be able to get through the next three days of retreat. The amount of students who popped in throughout the day to see if any help was needed was astronomical. The amount of help I received from various teachers and administration was also astronomical. I was already counting so many blessings. By the time I was in the car with the student leaders, I felt like I was really going to be able to get through this. 

     Retreat was off to a great start. Everything was going as planned and we were even set to end a bit earlier than scheduled. The reflections, songs and small group sessions were seamless. I couldn't ask for a more perfectly easy time after just getting over my terrible illness. However, when I laid down in my bed after making sure everyone was in their rooms, the pain kicked in again. To say I got any sleep that night would be a lie. I tossed and turned until I watched the sun come up. At about 7:00, I found myself in the kitchen in tears because the pain was so bad. I found some ice and made myself some hot green tea as I waited for the next adult leader to come into the kitchen. My principal told me a few times the day before to see an urgent care doctor and I told her if it got any worse I would go, but I was trying my hardest to stay for the full duration of retreat. Well, the pain got worse and so, within the hour I was on my way with another adult leader to the closest urgent care. Yes, we left retreat for a few hours as I was diagnosed with cramped muscles and given a muscle relaxer. 

     When we returned to the retreat house, the students and adults were in the middle of a small group session. The two of us sat in Chapel as we waited; there was about fifteen minutes left. As I sat and waited (waited for the medicine to kick in and for the retreatants to return), I realized how vital those few hours were for me. Not only did I spend a few hours with someone I normally do not see in the hallways for more than five minutes at most, but I also had a strange humbling. I realized even more deeply something which I already knew. Whatever was happening at retreat was happening not because I was running the show and I had organized the entire thing with some help from my friends, but rather that it was entirely God's doing. Whether I was there or not, retreat was going to happen the way God intended. 

      The students were so supportive and gracious to my return. So many asked how I was feeling so many times throughout the next two days and always someone was there to help me out if I needed. Because of their gentleness and their intense support, my heart was being healed. I knew that this retreat was God's work, but I had previously felt like God used me to facilitate it. What I realized was that every moment is a miracle because God intends it to be a miracle. God wanted the retreat to happen and so he made it happen even without me. It was a humbling reminder that while I may be an instrument, who the devil might try to take me out whether by sickness of fatigue, God is bigger than that which seems to be a bump in the road. God has a plan; no matter what happens, He is going to make sure it happens. He knows how to steer around bumps in the road. 

     What I also realized even more deeply was that I am one person and one person only. Anything I do is a success only because so many people help me. I could never do half the things that Campus Ministry does without the help of students, teachers, faculty and administration. There's no way that it could be done without them and a bit of God's grace. Okay, a lot of God's grace. I believe that my "scurvy" was an instrument through which I was reminded of humility once again. Of course, it was just in time for the beginning of Lent. 

      With every seemingly negative piece of life, there is a positive outcome. I could have dwelt on the fact that I felt pretty crummy. But instead, I focused on how God was changing my life. He showed me that regardless, He's in charge. He showed me how capable my students are of letting God work in their lives. He showed me how good my friends are both in taking care of me and taking over when I was too drowsy to facilitate the retreat. He showed me how beautiful life is when we leave it up to Him. Of course, He also showed me how true it is that laughter is the best medicine. Because if I didn't laugh at my newest nickname (scurves) or my horrible attempt to be cool (RT for LOVE; RETWEET FOR RETREAT), I would have focused on the negative. I have so many students to thank, both the leaders and retreatants, for keeping me on my toes, keeping smiling and laughing and keeping me in the loop. I am so blesssed to be here and may my offering be stretched across the skies. 

An Open Letter to Religious Sisters Everywhere

"On a day I was feeling furthest from myself, 

she gave me back my sense of worth. 

My golden girl."

My Dear Sister, 

      It's been a while and I should write more often. But I know that you're busy and I'm busy. Time seems to slip through my fingers now-a-days. Besides, even though I love to write, I would prefer to communicate in a different way most of the time. 

     Some days it gets lonely in my office, even if I'm right next to the Chapel. Sometimes I find myself gazing off into my memories and thinking about how often I got to see you. It used to be every day that I would see you on my daily adventures. Of course, some days I would have to resort to being satisfied with a phone call. But even still, at least I got to hear your voice almost every day. Now, I have to make myself pencil in a date to simply call you. It's not even a date to see you, but only to hear your voice. And it's rare that I feel like I have time to call you. I wish I had more time. By the time I get home from school, eat dinner and catch up on work, it's too late to call the convent OR I'm just too tired to carry on a conversation. But when I'm lonely in my office, I sometimes look at the phone and almost pick it up to call you. There are little moments throughout my day that make me think, "Oh I have to tell her." But it's the lonely, speechless, sometimes empty moments in my office throughout the day that send me deep into my memories. And so, thank you for those. 

     Thank you for all the times you willing (or unwilling) opened your arms and embraced me. Thank you for understanding my cuddly nature and my need for hugs all the time. Thank you for understanding that I love to hold hands with you and walk arm in arm for any distance with you. Thank you for every second of every minute of every moment that you walked with me like that. Because you gentle hands reminded me to be more gentle with others and with myself. 

     Thank you for all the times you answered a late phone call or a late knock at the door. Thank you for the times when I would pop into the office and you would simple drop whatever you were doing to talk to me. Thank you for knowing that even though I didn't tell you those times were urgent, that they were urgent matters of the heart that needed to be dealt with at that very moment. Thank you for knowing that when I called and asked to chat, it was usually better if I came over in person because I probably needed a hug. Thank you for all the advice you gave me and all the times you listened to me painstakingly try to put into words how I was feeling. Because you showed me that no matter what, I should always give people the time they need; I am Jesus' messenger in any moment and His message is love. 

      Thank you for all the times you let me cry. Thank you for handing me the tissues when I had a few tears escaping from my eyes (how dare they!). How I wish you were here now; I could use a few right now. Thank you also for offering up your sleeves willingly (or unwillingly) to the times when tissues just weren't enough and I needed to let my mascara rub off on something softer. Thank you, God, for making habits a dark color. Thank you for the times when you didn't judge me for snot uncontrollably running down my nose and into whatever scarf I was wearing. Thank you for holding me, with your strong but gentle arms, to let me know that I could cry as long as I needed to over whatever I needed to. Thank you for sharing my tears of joy and of pain. Nothing means more to me than when you cry, too. You let me know you're human, too. Thank you, because you showed me that from the very beginning, from birth, tears are a sign of life, not weakness. 

      Thank you for all the times you filled in for mom. Thank you for willingly (or unwillingly) getting close enough to catch my sickness, just to feel my head for a temperature. Thank you for sacrificing the back of your hand to what I'm sure feels like a small flame of a temperature. Thank you for sending me home from school and telling me that I need to go to bed and stop pushing myself. Thank you for letting me rest in your office. Thank you, because without you, I would have kept going and going and going. 

      Thank you for all the times you tassled my curly hair or high fived me. Thank you for the moments of laughter and joy. Thank you for laughing so hard with me that both of us had tears in our eyes. Thank you for understanding that despite the fact that I am mature for my age, I still need to be a kid sometimes. Thank you for being a kid with me. Thank you, also, for not judging me for my really, loud, obnoxious laughter that more times than not leads to snorting and squeals. Thank you for running through sprinklers with me, sharing stories about all the times you got pulled over, sharing the biggest joke or even letting me give you a tattoo - a temporary one, of course. Thank you for these moments because I might have forgotten how to laugh and to stop taking myself so seriously. 

      Thank you for the moments when you unleashed my creative side. Thank you for the moments when you asked me to write something from the heart, create an exciting creature from recycled materials, a piece of artwork, a retreat, a reflection, anything. Thank you for unleashing the creative juices in anyway possible and helping me believe that I can stand in front of a crowd and give a motivational speech. Thank you for letting me be me by not being me on any stage. Thank you for being my silent cheerleader in the back of the auditorium. Because not only did you teach me to never stop creating, but you also showed me how much a simple "Great Job" can mean. 

      Thank you for all the times you taught me something new - which really was every day. I can't list all the things you taught me because my brain has expanded so much and some of what you taught me has been tucked in the deep recesses of my mind. But thank you for never giving up on me when I didn't do so well on a test. Thank you for cheering me on with a smile each time I got something right. Thank you for watching me applicate what I learned to modern things. Thank you for always watching the light bulb go off. Because not only did you teach me to never stop learning and to enjoy learning, but you also showed me how to be the best teacher to my own students. 

      And finally, thank you for loving me unconditionally. Thank you for being the face of Jesus for me every day. Thank you for loving me despite being upset with me for one thing or another. Thank you for saying, "I love you" back when I embarrass you by screaming at you from some place on campus or at work. Thank you for saying it back when I tell you, even though students probably shouldn't tell their teachers how much they love them. Thank you for knowing that I don't just say it but that I mean it. And thank you for finally believing me; I do love you so much. And thank you for helping me believe that I can be loved, too. Because to be honest, when you're a sister or you want to be a sister, it's harder to say it and it's harder to believe it. At least that's what I think. "I love you" can never be said enough. So, I love you. 

       My dear sister, I write this today because I haven't taken enough time to write it until now. I write it publicly because I think everyone deserves to know how awesome you and how wonderful. I think everyone deserves to know what you did for me. I write it because I know there are so many people out there that you've touched in some way who haven't been able to say the things I have. These words are their words, too. And I say because I don't think you know how wonderful and awesome you are. You are. You have changed my life and the life of so many people. Thank you. 

Sincerely, 

Me

God Took Naps

"By the seventh day, God had finished the work He had been doing. 

So, on the seventh day, He rested from all His work.

Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy."

- Genesis 2:2

    Mondays. Everyone loves Mondays, right? Especially rainy, cold, icy, wet Mondays, right? I know I sure do. Okay...maybe not. Maybe not to all of the aforementioned love of Mondays. I woke up today feeling like I was robbed of hours of sleep. I felt like I just tucked myself in when the alarm went off at 5:00AM this morning. And at 5:45, when I finally rolled out of bed (I hit snooze at least three times...), I literally dragged myself through the motions of getting ready. Of course, walking outside to see my car laced in ice was just another reason for my to go back inside to my nice, warm, comfy bed on this miserable Monday morning. 

    Mondays. On Mondays, I have a series of duties to complete before first block. One of them includes running a student retreat leader meeting. I got the girls ready to go on their tasks for the day and they were chattering away, laughing and enjoying each others' presence. They even had me laughing a bit on this miserable Monday day. Needless to say, they were a bit of sunshine on this cloudy day. One of my other duties is to make sure a Communion Service happens. Students do most of the Communion Service, but I'm there to facilitate the entire thing. It's a chance for the school community to come together in prayer and communion. Of course, as I was sitting there and my eyes were doing their best to stay open, a student read the first reading from Genesis. Suddenly, my heart chuckled. God took naps. 

     I had been thinking on my way to school this morning about how it felt my weekend flew by. I began to think of how for the next few weekends, I will not have any free time. Between running various retreats and service weekends, to spending time at my alma mater for alumnae weekend to literally having way too much to do, I will not be able to sleep in on have a rest day. (Sidenote: we ironically have off for President's Day so maybe that's my day?) Suddenly, I was experiencing so much anxiety. Not a single day of rest. 

     When I was in college, the Sisters used to tease me about my morning routine on most days (aside from when I was student teaching). I would hit the alarm at 6:50, run to the bathroom, brush my teeth, throw some jeans on and run out the door to make it for prayers at 7:10. After Mass, I'd go back to my room, hop on my bed with the intention of doing something productive and eventually fall back asleep. Not all of the Sisters knew this, but when they found out, well...you can imagine the teasing I got. Of course, many of the Sisters knew (only because I had them for class and would openly state my after class plans) that I more times than not took a nap after class. I most definitely took a nap after class if I didn't go back to sleep after Mass. Now, before I go on, the disclaimer is that more often than not, I wouldn't go to bed at night until 12:00. Remember, it's important to get 7-8 hours of sleep a night! 

      To say I miss being able to take naps is an understatement. I sincerely feel like a piece of me is missing when I don't get to take a nap. Okay, maybe I'm being a bit dramatic. But seriously, I do miss taking naps. I also miss having a few Sundays of rest. Some people would most likely answer, "Welcome to the real world, kid." But is this the real world God intended for us, when He rested on the seventh day? I don't think so. 

     If we read Genesis in it's truest form, God created a lot of things, saw that they were good. All of His work He considered good, it was good. God did good work. Because He did good work, on the seventh day He rested from all the good work that He did. So does this mean we should always rest on the seventh day? Well, yes. But this story of creation is two-fold. Not only should we set a day aside for rest but we should also spend the other six days doing good work. 

     Sundays in today's society are no longer reserved for a day of worship. They are set aside for CYO games, catching up on any homework, and of course, working around the house, right? More times than not, I'm running out of church onto the next activity. When will it stop? When will the running around stop? Maybe I should pencil into my calendar "REST" on every Sunday. Resting is important not only for the physical and emotional but for the spiritual, as well. That's the first part of this two-fold call from Genesis. 

     The second part - doing good work all week long. If I feel tired toward the seventh day, I need to ask myself: did I tire myself by doing good work? Was there good in everything that I did? Did I make a difference? Did I preach the Gospel? Did I put the Gospel into action? Did I do enough? I know I am called to preach the gospel (and use words when necessary). I know I am called to do good for the work of the Lord; for His greater honor and glory. I know this is my calling. 

     And so, on my day of rest, I'll pray that my six days of work should be productively good for God's greater glory. And after my six days of good work, I will rest. Because honestly, I don't think God is calling me to be a workaholic. God definitely rested. He took naps. In our all too busy society, we do not rest enough. We do not take the time to breathe; we just keep on running. Many of us do such good work during the week - God gives us a day to rest. So, I think for the next few weeks, I'll pencil in some rest time. Just because, of course, I need to get back in the habit of taking rest time. And naps. 

I Tweet, Therefore I Am - Twitter Launch

"The power of social media is that

it forces necessary change."

- Eric Qualman

     Last night I was out to dinner with a Sister friend of mine. When the bill came, I pulled out the usual, "I've got dinner, you get the tip?" Admittedly, I almost never have cash on me. Sister laughed when I said this and I went on further to say: I'm part of that plastic generation. One of my worst fears was that I would get on the turnpike without cash in my pocket and get stuck. So, I upgraded to an EZ-Pass. Just today, I was cleaning out the backseat of my car (finally) and found two dollars. While I was surprised at finding the two dollar bills, I was more shocked at the fact that there was paper money floating around. Life is easy with plastic. But, I guess that comes with my generational obsession with technology. 

    When I started my new job, I was told that this school was a technology school. They asked if I would have any problem transitioning. When it came to computers, I was always pretty savvy in figuring things out. I could handle almost any computer problem from software to hardware. But they problem was that I was used to PCs. My school is almost entirely Apple. Which, to be honest, I think is pretty cool. Of course, on my first day of work, I was sitting in my desk googling how to turn on a desktop Mac. Within seconds, I was watching a YouTube video showing me where the on button was. Instantaneous. 

     The two weeks before school started I was thinking of every which way I could weave technology into the classroom and into Campus Ministry. When I was student teaching, we always created mock Tweets to characters in our stories and Instagram accounts. Sometimes, we even made Facebook accounts. I found tons of websites that allowed for creative and safe ways to do these activities. However, with each student having an iPad, I could easily have them create professional accounts on social media. It's a two-fold lesson - the subject material AND technological integrity. We've been able to go completely paperless in my classes and it's been a great adaptation to our growing technological world. Not to mention, it's also good for our forests. 

     Using technology in the classroom has been so easy for me and my students. But I needed to figure out how to reach the rest of my students in my Campus Ministry office in a new way. So I created a Twitter account for the students to follow and get updates from. We haven't gotten all the way to Instagram level yet, but we are working on it. Some of my students say it really helps them stay in the know about events happening through the office. 

     Okay great, so I'm adapting all these social media efforts to my students. But, as shocking as this may be, I have another life outside of school. Some of my students know about my blog, but eh that means they have to go ahead and find it, read it and by the time they get to the website, six twitter notifications popped up and they've forgotten. There are plenty of people who read my blog who don't have Twitter, but I know there are plenty of people who read my blog that DO have twitter. Yesterday, as I watching my views go up and up and up, I thought: I need to reach more people. 

    From the very first blogpost back in October 2011, I've been posting the link to my personal Facebook account. It reaches a good percentage of my "friends" and every so often, I'll get a comment from someone I wouldn't expect to be interested. But even my students have said, Twitter is the place to be on Social Media these days. Facebook is for old people (fyi...they mean me). So while I was thinking about being part of the plastic generation yesterday, I thought about how a lot of people in my generation and the generation before me are facebookers. But there's a younger generation out there that needs to here my faith messages. I decided to create a Twitter account. 

    A lot of people say that if Jesus were here now, He wouldn't be on Social Media. But if we look around, He's already there. Friends, the Pope is on Twitter. I believe that Jesus would be wherever the young people are. And folks, the young people are on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram. Jesus would be on His a game about it. He wouldn't be obsessed with it as many people are today, but He'd be present there, too. I figure this, if people like myself are going to get anywhere with young people, we need to be where they are. I can't preach at church, because they aren't there. Take it to the streets. In our technology obsessed world, we need to start using technology for the betterment of society. It's too much to ask teenagers and middle-schoolers to look up a website. I need to put it right in the palm of their hands, straight to their smart phones. I need to be blowing up their Twitter feed with positive messages. 

     It's almost as if today, if one doesn't have a Twitter, one doesn't exist. "Oh who are you? Are you Facebook? Do I follow you on Twitter?" Maybe some would argue that I've fallen deeper into the social media vortex, but I'd like to say that I've given myself a chance to reach more people with Jesus' word. Young women aren't going to come knocking on the doors of the convent like they used to do; they're going to google Religious Communities, try to find them on Facebook, and if they have a Twitter, woah watch out! Young people don't read mail anymore, and even emails are usually ignored. It has to go right to their hands, a quick buzz from Twitter. This is the next generation, the generation full of vocations hiding inside hearts not sure how to get in touch. 

     So today, I officially launch my Twitter account: @lesstraveled92 (roadlesstraveled was already taken...). If you have Twitter, follow me. If you don't have a Twitter, don't feel left out; you can find the twitter feed on the right side of my blog. Just scroll down. If you're a young person looking for more information on Sisters and Religious Life, try following various different Twitter accounts (there are some pretty cool ones out there!!). As for all you vocation directors out there, try Twitter out. See what you can do with a simple # and 140 characters! 

What's Your Price Tag? - A Story of Chastity

"We must practice modesty, not only in our looks, 

but in our whole deportment, and particularly in our dress, 

our walk, our conversation, and all similar actions."

- St. Alphonsus Ligouri

    If you were to randomly walk in my Catholic Social Teaching class today or yesterday or even last week you would probably have some of the following initial thoughts: where is the rest of the class? are there really that many students out sick? why are the lights off? why are they listening to music during prayer? and many more. The rest of my class does not exist; I have a whopping six this quarter. While many teachers may panic at that thought, I have fallen in love with this notion. Usually all six are present, however, it still makes the class seem small. We usually leave the lights off because the sun shines perfectly through the windows; why use extra energy when natural energy is sufficient? And finally, what better way to pray than by praying twice (St. Augustine)? However, also upon walking into my class these past few days, you would have heard conversations concerning the be C word. That's right Chastity. You would have seen it on the board, on our iPads, in our Google Docs and definitely on our lips. Chastity in Social Justice? But of course. 

      I typically do not post about controversial topics but the Spirit has really been moving me to write about this topic. Besides, I have no qualms preaching the usually unpopular Social Justice views of the Church in my class (maybe it's because they pay me? Just kidding!) so why shouldn't I continue my call to share awareness? Upon first thought, one may not think that Chastity has a place in a Social Justice classroom. One might also think that Humanae Vitae is a Church Document rather suited for college students studying Marriage and Family, not High School students. But each time I assign the 1968 Papal Encyclical written by Pope Paul VI, I am continuously made proud of my students who pull apart the document and summarize and understand it. Today, my students finished reading a part of Humanae Vitae and once again, I was the proud teacher. 

     Without trying to get too heady, Article 2 of Humanae Vitae addresses various issues permeating our society today such as contraception, IVF, responsible parenthood, marriage. It indirectly leads to conversations about abortion, euthanasia, adoption, and other beginning/end of life issues about which Catholic Social Teaching is concerned. So now, you, in brief, understand why I require my students to read this document. A document which, by the way, I have seen college students struggle with understanding. Last week, I introduced our reading of Humanae Vitae by putting the word CHASTITY on the board. After getting a brief definition from a student, I quickly put a slash through the word and asked for results of a negligence to practicing chastity. The conversation quickly filled up the front board and the entire side board (yes, despite technology permeating the hallways of the school, I still used chalk and subsequently fulfilled my teacher dream of getting chalk all over my pants) with Social Justice issues that stem from a negligence to practicing Chastity. Imagine their surprise when such huge Social Justice issues were connected with such a "simple" topic of Chastity. 

     My students are aware of the fact that I am 4-5 years older than they are. While many professors would encourage would be teachers to NOT reveal their ages to their students, especially if there is a small age gap, I feel it is necessary for my students to know that I am a part of their generation. There is a comfort in the classroom when it comes to discussing various topics and also, my "young age" stands as proof that it is possible to live a CATHOLIC life and still be normal (a relative description, of course). My favorite part of teaching CST is the beginning of life issues, because so many start with Chastity, a topic so rarely touched in today's society. Why is it my favorite? Well, because being so young and so close in age to my students, I can see the thinking gears going when I mention that Chastity is possible. 

     As I was preparing for my class today, I was blessed to talk to a good friend's mom on the phone. She is coming to guest speak to my class in two weeks about adoption and we were going over some topics of discussion. I caught her up on what my students will know by the time she comes to visit and somehow, we got to talking about reading Humanae Vitae and practicing Chastity. She mentioned how rare it is that young people hear about the importance of chastity from other young people. We started talking about how women are so much more under attack from the devil because of our vulnerability. While it is true that both man and woman are needed for the creation of a new child, the woman carries the new life. Without her temple, the child could not be born. Eve, a woman (in case you forgot) was targeted before Adam because women are naturally modeled to be more emotionally vulnerable than men. It is a beautiful thing, truly, but the devil knows this to be true and attacks it at any given chance. Today, this is also true. He continues to attack the vulnerability of women. He confuses the minds of young women by falsely showing physical actions as emotional love. He confuses the minds of young women by giving them every "good" reason to neglect the practice of chastity. 

    I brought this up to my students in class after we finished reading and summarizing Humanae Vitae. Of course, teaching in an all girl school usually means that students are chopping at the bit to discuss feminism at any given chance. Isn't it a feminist argument in talking about being under attack by the devil? I think so. I took advantage of our class today (a true teachable moment) to talk gently about Chastity. Many Catholics grow up with the belief that "sex is bad;" a very Puritan take on relationships. However, the Church believes quite the opposite. Humanae Vitae clearly says that the marital acts between a man and woman are good; procreative and unitive yielding a beautiful marriage. With very logistical reasons, I explained to my students why the Church believes in Chastity and the thinking gears were turning as they began to understand that sex within marriage is a beautiful thing, especially after a life of Chastity is pursued before marriage. 

     The truth is this: a life of chastity pursued before marriage yields fidelity in a marriage. By one's physical action of waiting for marriage, one proclaims, by his or her body, that the physical gift of self belongs only to the spouse. It proclaims, "I will wait until I verbally give my whole self to you, to give my whole self physically." A practice of chastity before marriage yields greater, more wholesome marriages and families. A practice of chastity leads to true, loving sexual relationships with the purpose of being unitive and procreative. Of course, all of this can be found in Church Documents and Encyclicals. But where is Chastity in society?

     Having sex is so often regarded as a right of passage of sorts in relationships. For example, if two people have been in a relationship for six or nine months (or any given amount of time) and not yet have had sex, then something must be wrong, right? Wrong. There is the familiar concept of getting to second and third base and scoring a home run. But why? Does it grind my gears when people ask I've "done anything yet" in my current relationship? Yes. Because quite honestly, yes I've done some things....some things like watch Netflix, go ice skating, hold hands, go out to dinner, go for walks in the snow with my dog, go on wholesome double dates with my ten-year old Sister and her 8 year old boy best friend. But "done anything yet" is said with the indication that is the question is not "what type of dates?" but rather "what level of sexual achievement have you reached?" Why is it so hard to believe that chastity is practiced? Because the devil permeates society by saying that sex is the only way to express love. 

     My students know how much chastity permeates my heart. It is not only by my personal witness and story telling, but rather my passion in classroom instruction, that they understand the importance of chastity in my own life. In the beginning of the quarter, I start the course by explaining to them that we are Princesses because we share in the royalty of God both because we are made in His image and because He has made use with such great price. God intends us each to be a pearl of great price, not fake gold. (Trust me when I say, pearl earrings cost way more than gold plated sterling silver). God's intent was to make us so beautiful and for each of us to recognize the beauty in each other. I am a pearl and my students are pearls; I am not to treat them like cheap gifts. I am not to treat them less than their true value of Imago Dei and vice versa. The same is implied when it comes to chastity. My students are young women to be treated by young men as the pearls of great price. They are to be treated as true gifts. 

       I tell my students often that "what you wear and how you act is what you advertise." By their actions and attire they proclaim a price tag. They are pearls of great price but society so often encourages us to cheapen ourselves to a "lesser price." That is the devil after us. He puts false advertisement on sex; there is no disclaimer about the negative effects. The devil falsely proclaims that sex empowers whereas the reality is that chastity empowers. My virginity is a gift I am saving. We wouldn't give a strand of pearls to just anyone, right? If I am called to marriage, that gift is reserved for my husband and it is a gift he will receive only after we say "I do." If I am called to religious life, it is a gift I offer to Jesus and I ask Him to make me fruitful in spiritual ways. 

      Practicing chastity is not easy and it is a daily prayer of mine. I pray for the ability to remain chaste and for my students to find the beauty in remaining chaste. I tell my students every day that we must be women who, "when we wake up in the morning, the devil says, 'oh crap, she's up.'" By my very prayers for chastity, I am already stomping all over the devil's plan to lessen my price tag. By practicing chastity, we ruin the plans of the devil. If that is not empowering for women, I don't know what is. 

      Now, I was going to wait until Valentine's Day to share the following with many of you, but I feel this topic lends itself to the story. It is with full understanding that I very much still feel the desire and call to religious life that I was asked out on a date many times my Senior year. It was with that strong desire still permeating my heart that I denied the request for a date. Of course, the pure pursuing continued the summer after graduation until finally, after much prayer, I felt God was asking me to try the dating scene one more time. (I think I will share that story on Valentine's Day...be sure to check back!) Being 22 and 23 years old, there is no question that the sexual "norms and pressures" surround our relationship. But there is nothing more empowering than hearing, "I will wait for you." You see, he waited a whole year (maybe more) for me to simply agree to go on a date. He promises me that waiting longer for the beauty of sex is worth the wait. He tells me that it makes him stronger as a Catholic man. He tells me that I am the pearl of great price and I am beautifully deserving chastity. Of course, what truly melts my heart is when he tells me that he knows religious life is still a viable option for me. He knows that I may very well enter religious life, even after dating him. He knows that our dating relationship is part of the discernment process. It is with this knowledge that he reminds me that there is no way he could ask me to give up my gift prematurely if it is meant to be given to Jesus. 

     Of course, I would be remiss if I didn't mention this: when I teach CST, I am pray for gentleness. Many Social Justice issues are wake-up calls to my students. However, our Church preaches gentleness and compassion overall. It would not be following the example of Pope Francis if I did not mention compassion toward those who may have read this and felt that it was too late to practice chastity. Statistics say that teenagers and even children are losing their innocence sooner and sooner. It is with much compassion that I address the beginning of life issues formerly mentioned in this post and even greater compassion that I address chastity. I remind my students, especially when the question of "am I going to hell now?" comes up, of the story of Jesus and the woman caught in the act of adultery. Jesus said, "Let the one without sin be the first to cast the stone." My job as teacher is not to condemn but rather to love the sinner not the sin. Pope Francis encourages us to love unconditionally, without judgement. And so I say this, when talking about chastity, I remind my students that there is always a chance for starting over, for reconciliation. When an expensive piece of jewelry gets chipped or upset in some way, we take it to the jeweler to be fixed and refurnished. Jesus in the Sacrament of Reconciliation is our jeweler, fixing the dents, cracks and scrapes in our pearls of great price. 

    Living out chastity is so difficult in our society today. Many of our Social Justice issues can be traced back to a negligence to practicing chastity, however, now is the perfect time to start anew. Now is the time to begin living out chastity for ourselves and being that example for our young people. Now is the time to start learning about how we can be Social Justice Advocates simply by living out chastity. And of course, now is the time to start promoting healthy dating relationships that lead to beautiful and wholesome marriages. Now is the time to recognize our worth as the pearl of great price. Now is the time to up the price on our price tag!