I Know My Call...

"I know my call despite my faults, and despite my growing fears. But I will hold on hope. I'll find strength in pain. I'll know my name as it's called again."

- Mumford and Sons

     As I walked up the front steps in just my wool sweater, I thought, the first thing I'll hear when I walk through the door is, "Where is your coat, young lady?" And as the front door swung open without my having to ring the bell, what was I greeted with but, "Where is your coat, young lady?" I couldn't help but laugh. No, I wasn't visiting my Mommom; I was visiting my nun. Yep, she's pretty much my grandmother. 

     Walking up the front steps was nothing new for me; It's something I've been doing for about five years and it never ceases to bring such a happy smile to my face. This was a place I called home so many times. And even as we prepared lunch in the kitchen, the sisters said, "You know where things belong better than we do sometimes." It's true, that kitchen is my favorite place in the whole house. I've often said that the best discernment is done in the kitchen, by cooking, eating and cleaning with each other; the sisters seem to satisfy that desire of mine. It might have to do with my Italian heritage, but I simply find the best conversation is done over a meal. Anyway, today, I was home. 

    My nun, my best friend, my dearest sister, my mama penguin, all of the above and more, invited me over (finally) for a long chat and lunch. Oh how I've missed her. It was our chance to finally catch up after so many months. Even though when I visit my high school, I see her, I don't get the chance to catch up and so, there was a lot of catching up to do. I told her all that had happened, all that was happening and all that should be happening. And she did the same for me!! Of course, then we had lunch together at my favorite table. 

    You see, there's the kitchen and then there's the dining room. I love the dining room, but the kitchen is my favorite. There's a little table in there that supposedly seats four, but really, however many you want. No matter what time of day you walk into the kitchen there is always someone at the table and always coffee in the pot. It's the congregating place of the house and without a doubt, there's always a small nun party going on. And that's exactly what we walked into; a nun party. We had lunch with so many sisters who came in and out, and it was just like home. People coming and going and eating and cooking and talking and washing and drying. Sitting around the table, I felt right at home; like I belonged. When I looked down, I half expected myself to be wearing a habit, it felt so perfect. 

    After lunch, me and my nun when to the Chapel, not only to pray, but to clean! I was so excited to be cleaning Chapel, that the sisters must have thought there was something wrong with me. But truthfully, back in High School, I would catch my nun every Friday cleaning, and I would sneak in to pray until she asked me to help her. It became such a ritual and it's part of the reason she and I became so close. You see, she was the first sister I ever told I was thinking about being a sister. And from that moment during my Sophomore year, she quietly prayed for and encouraged me. She never once pressured me into choosing a lifestyle, but rather opened my eyes to her lifestyle.   I spent more time with her talking about my fears and joys and dreams than I had with any other sister. She was the reason I started visiting the convent and she's the reason I keep coming back. While she wasn't the first nun in my life, she is certainly the most influential. Truly, if it wasn't for her, I'd still be trembling in fear of the very idea of entering religious life. I never would have explored the vocation, or be nearly as outspoken about it as I am now. She is the type of sister we all look back to; the sister who opened our eyes and ears to the call. There are so many sisters I know now because of her, and while she is probably reading this now, humbly thinking, not me, it's all true. Many say they don't know where they would be without a certain person, but I know where I'd be; not here and not nearly as close to God. And even though she doesn't know this, sometimes when I want to give up on this vocation and tell God, the deal is over, I think of her smile and her joy and think, "Yeah, that's the life I want." Because "I know my call despite my faults, and despite my growing fears. But I will hold on hope. I'll find strength in pain. I'll know my name as it's called again." And she is my hope.